i'm decorating a mansion ya'll..ok just a room.

a big ass tara-esque mansion.

lookit:

the entry.

that dining room be changing too.

the living room is just behind the stairs there..

 

my client is a very talented lady with plenty of designer skills.

and she is doing the rest of her house herself,

which is a MASSIVE undertaking.

she just asked me to help her with this room bc her designer eyeballs are going blind with all the other decorating she is doing.

 

 

bar area.

 

windows much?

 

 

 

a lot of wall space is scary.

 

 

 

this is the plan:

 

think english conservatory meets hollywood regency.

this mansion is on acres of southern soil and the surroundings are breathtaking.

so the outside must come in but it needs to be luxurious too.

 

we will bring in plenty of this:

big ass plants!!

 

 

the design:

 

 

i could have done 3 of these things with all the stuff i want to incorporate.

like art.

and fabrics.

 

but this gives the feel we are after.

my client suggested farrow and ball's brinjal

for the walls and i think it will be awesome!

but she is scared a little.

there are so many windows and architectural elements and light that the walls can handle such a dark color.

in fact i think it will seem less dark and make a room that could feel like a museum more cozy.

and don't even get me started on the pale mint green ceiling.

what about you?

do dark walls scare you in such a massive space?

or are you on my team? 

 

 

 

tomorrow i am going to show you my clean closet!

aren't you excited?

 

 

 

my vagina is going to disneyworld!!!

 

 

good news friends..

my doctor called with my lab results yesterday afternoon at about 3:00.

it seems as though all areas of my vagina are cancer free..even cancer cell free!

there was a tiny spot...remember that white edge i spoke of last week?

well that one spot came back as showing CIN1, which is essentially minute cellular changes.

these either go away on their own or they can develop into pre cancer (still not cancer).

so we are just keeping an eye on my vagina (that's what he said) through paps every 6 months.

she seems to think a healthy dose of some vitamins will help me to clear it up on my own.

YES! HOLY SHIT YES!

how lucky am i?

howmotherfuckingLUCKYami???!!!!

 

what have we all learned here?

we learned that i am lucky.

and perhaps if i waited another 1-2 years before going and getting a pap that i might not be so lucky.

so if you are still putting off the pap, don't be foolish.

go and get one.

and if you have a family history of any type of cancer and you have not gotten checked out..

well then, you are an asshole.

a foolish asshole.

just go and do it please.

 

 

so..

it's friday and that is already reason to celebrate, but it's also now, officially, known as world healthy vagina day...or WHV-day.

and we are celebrating up in here with some wine and wine shooters.

we are also celebrating with the new issue of matchbook mag.

with things like this:

 

we are also celebrating with the brand new furbish store online.

with awesome things like this:

 

and this:

 

 

 

and we are also celebrating with new paintings..

like this:

 

60 x 20

 

 

and:

 

30 x 40

 

 

let's all celebrate our asses off this weekend.

ok?

 

yay WHV day!!!! 

 

 

 

 

 

some vaginal updates and a letter from downton..

hi guys. 

imma keep this short and sweet so i can get back to doing nothing.

#1- i attempted to record my day yesterday but i was so nervous and when i'm nervous i'm quiet and/or mean.

i was afraid you'd all ask for your money back.

 

#2- the biopsy went as well as i could have hoped other than the worlds most nauseatingly horrific knife-like stabs for a solid 20 minutes.

seriously, i died for a minute and saw 'the light'. 

 

#3- my doctor saw a white edge on a part of my cervix which she biopsied.  she called it something but i was dizzy and still in my happy place from the pain so i was kind of deaf at the time.

she also saw a polyp which (gag) wasn't full of mucous.  (tip- most of them are. i did not know this.)

she said that most polyps don't present any cancer cells.  some do, but most don't.

since mine wasn't filled with (gag) mucous she thinks that this is what was causing the glandular abnormalities.

she also biopsied into my uterus (HOLYFUCKPAIN) and since she couldn't see in it bc my silly cervix was in the way we still don't have any idea what was in there.

so..

to sum up.

piece of polyp on its way to lab.

piece of white edge on its way to lab.

piece of uterus on it's way to lab.

good news- more than likely the polyp was causing the abnormalities.

and polyps usually don't contain cancer cells.

worse case scenario- polyp is full of cancer cells and i have to have it surgically removed.

but all i heard when she said those words was "you'll be put to sleep" and i was like...thank jesus!

there is still the chance that there was something in the uterus but i think that chance is pretty low considering the polyp.

 

and lastly, i want to say thank you again for your help.

bc of you i was able to swipe the card and pay for the whole procedure plus doctor visit plus remainder of last doctor visit.

that was the most incredible feeling in the world.

there is no financial burden looming over our heads.

so thank you so so much.

from all of us.

we are so grateful.

 

finally..

my parents left for england on friday and this is the letter i was sent via email on sunday..

it is written by my dad.

 

 

Dear Jenny, Mike & Fi,

Well, here we are in the UK.  As you know, we spent our first night in-country at the Downton Abbey "estate".  I'm not sure where to start.  First of all, the scene you see of the house from a distance is a movie facade.  Really!  Inside there's one of those indoor water parks with a water slide, wave pool, miniature golf layout, and the 'Lord Grantham Petting Zoo'.  Speaking of which, I now know the real reason Lord G sent the maid packing; seems there is a VERY jealous sheep named Molly who didn't take kindly to this budding relationship.  Most of the time Lord G walks around dressed like Mr. Greenjeans asking little boys and girls if they want to pet his sock puppet lamb.  Weird man!

The food wasn't too bad but we found out early on that you need get to the restaurant fairly early.  As the evening goes on, Mrs Patmore gets increasingly drunk so if you don't want cigarette ashes in your soup eat at the first sitting.  BTW, we never could get an adequate explanation of why she's called MRS Patmore.  There seems to be no record, or knowledge of, a MR Patmore.  When one asks, one is met with a stony silence.  Hmmm.

NEWS FLASH!  Lady Mary is NO lady.  Word has it that that Turkish fella didn't die from a weak heart.  Shaquille O'Neal wouldn't last a night with her!  Poor Matthew!  Each morning he looks as though ALL bodily fluids have been drained from his body.  He comes to breakfast sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.


Thomas and Mrs O'Brien have a lounge act.  Two shows nightly.  Picture the scene from the Fabulous Baker Boys with Michele Pfeiffer sitting on the piano accompanied by Jeff Bridges.  In this act though it's Thomas sitting on the piano dressed in pink chiffon, smoking a cigarette, and singing a throaty version of 'Is That All There Is'.  Speaking of cigarettes, those are NOT regular cigarettes.  The guy's a stoner.  He's never without one.  O'Brien keeps up a steady patter of fart jokes when Thomas isn't singing.  "Thank-you, thank-you very much, we'll be here all week".

The DC joined us for dinner last night.  Poor dear!  It's time to park the bus.  We heard some gurgling at the end of the table and found her face down in her soup.  In those increasingly rare moments of lucidity, she loves to talk about her days as a camp follower during the Boer War.  It's easy to see who in the family, Lady Mary favors.

Lady Edith walks around all day trying to get someone to talk to her.  Perhaps if she wouldn't start every conversation with "hello, do you think I'm pretty?" she might have more success.

Lady Sybil and Branson are a couple of bomb-throwing left-wing commies.  No sense of humor what-so-ever.  In the spirit of the "special relationship" between our two countries, I suggested a toast to the royal family.  Big mistake!  Food fight was on.  The DC found it all very amusing though, she awoke long enough to giggle hysterically and promptly went back to sleep.

Carson and Mrs Hughes!  Now there's a pair.  I got lost trying to find a working toilet and accidentally walked into the butler's pantry.  There was Mrs Hughes in full leather regalia with a riding crop in one hand, a martini in the other and riding on Carson's back (who was dressed in a French Maid's outfit).  I politely declined their invitation and continued my search.



More later.

Mom & Dad 

 

 

 

 

letter #2 tomorrow!

 

 p.s. my parents ARE in england but they are NOT at highclere castle.

they are in yorkshire though.

but the real highclere castle is no where near yorkshire.

now you are smarter.