lets get right to it shall we?


weekend at sophia's? is someone behind her holding her up? props on the body though. 74 people...74.

and there are no words to describe my disappointment here. no words. other than HAAAATE!!!!!!!!
kate...you look 10 years older than you are. which is 34. i'll bet if you touched that helmet it would feel like a helmet. fuck you kate! it hurts to say that.

there is effortless good like this-

and there is effortless bad, like this-

even that guy in the background is wincing. thank goodness she changed that awful dress for the vanity fair party but her hair looked worse!!! is it possible?...

yes..it is.

and slit at oscar is bad-

so are extensions alicia. especially ones that look as if they came out of the box, curls still intact.

and heidi you don't get off that easy either...model or not that hair is fucking awful and you should be slapped. it looks as though someone glopped two palmfuls of gel in their hands, saturated your hair with it and then went to town with a flat iron. i hate them and i hate you for looking like euro trash.

miley and marisa, i'm not sure how i feel about you. at first glance your dresses are fabulous but then i feel like i lose YOU in them. too much dress for such small people. the jury's still out...

angie and annie...pretty...but that's about all i can say really. i can't really say boring b/c i think boring often gets confused with simple and pretty. but i do think angie is a bit on the boring side, more so than annie. love the green rocks though!! that punch of jade with that black works a treat.

ok so on to my two favorites. first penelope. so so so pretty. she is a cut above everyone every single time. that dress, BTW, is 60 years old! and she picked it out 8 years ago. how is that for confidence? the hair is perfect too. she manages to combine cute, sexy, beautiful, playful and elegant like no one else. this is a gift. not something you can buy or hire. hearts and unicorns forever penelope. sjp you look fabulous. the hair is great. albeit a bit too perfect. i would have liked to have seen it a bit softer in the curl department. but the dress is super duper. its mint green. MINT GREEN! only sjp can do mint green. it's classic and modern all at once. and it suits her so well. the second picture shows the mintiness better.

ok...on to the worst of the worst. we have already discussed kate's misstep. and jessica biel's satin sheet sack glob of shit. but lets move on...

first to the scary...

for fucks sake. if i saw her in person i would pick her up and throw her across the room just to prove a point. which is...that i COULD pick her up and throw her across the room. (this is at an awards party. obvi) note to lindsay's mom: you need to do better. BE better. you are a fucking loser mom and the real person that needs to be tossed is you. into a wall. hard.

moving on..

despite the orange scarecrow inside it the dress itself is gorgeous.

this is not so much scary as it is wrong for a girl her age. the hair is beautiful. the dress is not. it is hackensack-new-jersey-prom-dress bad.

all she is missing is a crab shell purse and some seaweed wrapped in her hair. and not only does this dress suck, but it doesn't even fit her!!!! she needs to be punched too.

and last but not least...drumroll please....

ok...so it's not so much the dress as the trainwreck inside it. madonna has finally joined the circus freakshow. too much exercise does NOT do a body good and haven't you seen enough pictures of nicole kidman and meg ryan to know that altering your face like that is not pretty?! nice man chin.

gollum arms.