bullshit rash and cat piss and the farrelly brothers

it is with great apprehension and a fucking ginormous gulp of pride that i show you this shitparade. but the thing is i've got a GREAT audition tomorrow. a small but substantial part opposite owen wilson in the new farrelly brothers comedy called hall pass. so of course this bullshit rash won't go away. try to ignore my naked mole rat appearance and that i am slathered in an antibiotic cream that dries the shit out of my skin- but what the fuck is this shit?!?!?!?
went to the dermatologist and she said it was eczema (ahem ahembullshit) so she gave me steroid cream. didn't work. DUH!

then she gave me some sulfur cleansing pads and antibiotic cream and some nizoral, an antifungal shampoo for the skin and hair...

no fucking luck there.. now my skin is drier than a dead person's and i smell like rotten eggs.
and to top it all off a tom cat from the hood got into our crawlspace under the house took about 14 pisses and now our whole fucking house smells like cat piss.

so lets recap:
tomorrow big awesome important audition
right now leprosy
tonight and forever the smell of cat piss

i have googled everything. but when i stumbled upon a picture of an old man's asscrack covered in dried up scabies i said eff this..i need to reach out to my readers...
your job as a reader of this blog is to chime in and tell me what the fuck is wrong with my skin.
before you comment though make sure you have read this entire post b/c if one of you tells me to use the aforementioned prescribed medications i will know you didn't read. i am on to you, skimmers!!