dear chairs, (+ updates of awesome proportion)

 some people reading might not understand you...

fuck those dumb bags of dicks.

i get you.

i get you hard!

i am sad though.

cuz you are a steal at $150 (FOR BOTH!! mother FFFFF) on craigslist.

a steal.

and i still can't afford you.

i would do nothing to change you.

i would buff up your brazilian leather.

and clean and polish up your rosewood.

you are a once in a long while kind of find on craigslist.

shit like you almost never comes around.

you are pure.



now for the rest of you...

hire me so that i can pay for this shit!

you are totally going to benefit when you see them all cleaned up and put in my middle room with shelves and stuff.

hire me for personal shopping and/or moodboard making and/or decorating the shit out of your house.



 superdad left this in the comments section:

Dad (Unregistered) commented on dear chairs,:

 "Since I'm such a wonderful human being, stunningly gorgeous, impossibly humble, on the verge of beatification, and an all-around swell guy, go ahead and get them and I'll pay for them."