it's monday!! and that means cookies, assholes, kitten poop, paint and hip replacement surgery..

oh my dear mfambers..

this weekend has been interesting to say the least..

let's start with thursday when fiona sliced her skull open on a table at school.

that was super fun!

she's ok, no stitches even.  

i kept her home friday bc i didn't want her at school with a flesh wound.

i mean you can't put a dora bandaid on hair (i tried).

and don't get me started on liquid bandage...or as i like to call it, "clear nail polish".

i couldn't bring myself to apply it so close to her brain.


she's ok.



not to be outdone by a flesh wound

we also had a festering wound of another kind around here..

in the form of an anonymous jackhole commenter

who tried to shit all over my cookie donation and valorie's wishes to get her husband safely back to new orleans.

i honestly don't understand people sometimes..

anyway..i deleted their comments from here and disabled comments for that post.

1. because the auction is over and a great big thank you to those of you who donated.

you are angels and you make me proud to know you.


2. bc the anon doucher just kept coming back like fucking herpes on a whore.


shauna cross !!!

you win one dozen cookies made with love from my awesomely soft clean hands!!!

your donation of 150 dollars was very generous and your space in heaven just got bigger and prettier.

in fact all of you who donated now have wallpaper and tufted furniture in your heaven house.

shauna please email me so we can discuss your cookie delivery!

as for you, anon dickface...

your space in hell just got bigger and you better bring lube bc satan likes butt sex.



also this weekend i began painting my bamboo headboard..

i began with a light sanding...


then i spray primed it.

sanded again.

and in an effort to save time i bought 2 cans of  black lacquer...


and this is what that shit did to me... 

now this isn't my first rodeo..

i know how to spray paint shit.

long strokes, 10-12 inches away, back and forth..blah blahbity blah..

but it ended up looking like a wearstler fabric that got burned debbie style..

anyway..i intend to sand it down and just use plain high gloss black and then put on a glossy top coat.

so much for short cuts.


also making this weekend more and more not awesome is harry and his 5 to 6 diarrhea poops a day.


and the worst of it is he comes out of the box with poop all over his feet.

while he tries to bury it he inevitably steps in it.


and no baby wipe can fully get that shit off so we have to stick his pitty pat paws in the sink and wash them with shampoo.

this is not fun.

for any of us.

mike gets scratched to death.

and i have to clean up poopy paw prints from where he walked out of the sand box.

5 to 6 times A DAY!!

every day.

visual aid:

we are all pretty much over it. 


and to round out the toll of all things not cool..

i pulled a muscle in my hip/tailbone area while trying to stop fiona from flushing down her enormous turd so that i could show it to mike.



while not completely immobile my movement is reduced to that of something like this:

so what have we learned today already?

1. there are beautiful people in this world willing to spend their hard earned cash to help people out that they don't really know all for a dozen cookies.


2. taking short cuts on painting furniture is dumb.


3. kittens poop a lot.  and it is always diarrhea.


4. never ever take off in a leap to stop someone from flushing a turd.


now...come back later for my first ever interview.

it's my dad!!

and i promise there will be laughs and maybe tears.

and i think everyone needs that on a monday.