design turd episode 4: mandice not rocking mancoats. oh, and another terrible idea for a challenge.

dear mandice,

i can't be sure how tall you are but i am guessing 8 ft?

those coats aren't doing you any favors.

plus, when have you ever seen one of these long coats on anyone other than morpheus from the matrix?

i would prefer to see you in a coat that hits mid bottom.  this would cut you off in just the right spot so as to not super elongate your already giraffe type proportions.

otherwise you look like a caterpillar emerging from it's pupa.

also what's up with vern's madonna bracelet?

speaking of vern and mancoats:

this was the challenge opener.

"you so funny vern".

see what happened was mandice told the turds that they needed to design a space around a flower.

each turd picked a flower and then vern shows up with all flowers made into a bullshit bouquet.

which is precisely why this shit was doomed before it even started.

as in give each turd a room to turn into something beautiful inspired by their flower.



now that all of you have picked your flowers we are going to mix them up into this ugly ass bouquet in a mandiced proportioned cylindrical vase and then you get a corner of a room to show how your flower works with all the other flowers while still showing your individuality and making this room pretty..

record screeching....

eh? come again?

is hgtv 'avin a laff?

here are the list of the turd's flowers:

nina- orchid

casey- hyacinth

emily- wax flower

stacey- carnation

alex- snapdragon

dan- daffodil

courtland-  lily

tom- tulip

michael- ranunculus


surprisingly the rooms seemed as cohesive as they could have been and there were a few pretty designer-y moments.

this is pretty much what both teams started off with..

nina started off talking about the powers of faux wainscoting and "nurals" as per usual..


murals are not cool. and unless you are michaelangelo they are never good.

anyway, she produced said spawn. and i added a mural of my own for aide purposes.

she also gave us this:

a sexy backless shirt and nude brawr. 

i didn't think this was the type of shirt you could wear a brawr with.

therefore if you can't NOT wear a brawr you can't wear a shirt that would require you to go brawrless.

i for one would knock someone out if i went brawrless. i have seen your tits neens and they are massive as well.  probably best to leave this blouse to the boobless.

overall the women + dan's room was my favorite.

i really enjoyed the faux wainscoting actually AND the tonal variation with the blue.

although i think there is a lot of busyness here that i would have toned down..the hits of hot pink, the brown rug, the pillows...i don't know..

take away the pink square on the wall and the hot pink ottoman..replace it with something a little beaten up or worn... or....burn that shit velveteen rabbit style and do something like this instead:

or this:

and the swing is gimmicky and stupid.

overall its too lady pretty.



unfortunately for dan...


his cluster of daffodil inspired picture frames hung like turds, wasn't enough...



over on the men's team we have minimal, airy and boring..


somwhere in here is courtland's lily...


unfortunately alex said that the snapdragons reminded him of asparagus..



but sadly his snapdragon/asparagus art installation wasn't snapdragon-y or asparagus-y enough..

i'll tell you what DOES look like asparagus:

so with alex and dan in the bottom two who's host reel would suck the hardest?

that unfortunate honor went to dan.

so sad dan.

you shouldn't have become your team's handy man and focused more on your wall of turds.

nobody won either by the way.

there were just a top 4 and a bottom 4.

no idea who the top 4 were.

but nina, courtland, alex and dan were the bottom 4.

and i guess that's all that really matters.

dan, if you want there are a few "jobs" over here you could hammer out for me...

word turd.