i will watch secrets from a stylist so that i can learn some secrets....from a stylist.

 well buttfarters..

it's over.

emily wins as was predicted by anybody with half a brain.

mandice showed up wearing gauchos and the more intelligent half of my brain melted..

yep. gauchos.

you cannot get the gauchos' true fashion-y-ness unless the legs are slightly askew..

that's better mandice.

you've gotta give your penis some breathing room.




final 2.

emily and michael.


15,000 dollars each to make over a one bedroom apartment.

the client is a past contestant of their choosing.


emily chooses tom:


so based on tom's outfit and overall sense of style emily gives us a "polished, modern, luxurious..blah blah blah"...


she pin stripes the wall, which i don't like.  but over all the palette is nice. the accesories are nice, though i would have rather had a shiny mirror where those stupid viva terra looking wood panels are.

and i see the mirror to the left of the wood things. i just don't like it there. plus i hate shit in groups of 3. fuck you.

love love love that huge framed canvas.

emily's apartment is the best.

it's well executed.

but here is a tip for you hgtv!

stop photographing these spaces at night.

the articficial light is killing them.


on to michael.

he picks neens for his client:

besides the stupid cut outs painted pink this room wasn't horrible...

the bedroom, not so much...

too small rug on an angle..

those weird mirrored alien heads..

it just looks like a dorm room to me.

not at all sophisticated or rich.

instead cheap and dickeating.


emily is clearly the winner here.

her rooms have been effortless and layered and rich and inviting.

yes and thank you.


 her show:

watch it fuckers.