holy mother of ass

it's 1stdibs fridaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!


this item caught my eye recently...

(animal lovers avert your eyes)

what we have here is a beautifully faded 1970s yellow python parsons table.


 yours for a mere $5,200.



 pretty sure that's real python skin.


but it's vintage so who cares, right?

nobody kills pythons for tables these days do they?

if a table can be cool this one is for sure.


ok then.


moving on to the fucking bane of my existence..

 in an effort to rid myself of my flabby belly i am upping my cardio starting cardio and doing the new TA metamorphuckmeinmyface DVD's..

if you've seen me you know i have H U G E tits and a sweet gut.

it hasn't always been this way.

just since i gave birth at the age of 35 (not smart).

my goal is to wear a bikini.

yeah. that's right.

a bikini.

if jennifer anniston (my age)

can wear one so can i goddammit!!!

only right now no one wants to see that nonsense.

unless you feel like throwing up.


but this shit is HARD and HARSH!

it makes me cry and almost vomit.

but that's bc my cardio heart is unconditioned.

and my blood is full of wine and reese-y eggs.


but it is working.

and in 90 days i will reveal my sick body to you.


and then you will cry bc you aren't as hot as me.


have a glorious weekend butter-butts.