million dollar doucherators.. recapping.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011 at 6:17PM
ross and JAM in la jolla.
i want to punch ross in the nuts immediately.
does anyone else think this guy is a serial killer?
nathan
stop being so cute nathan.
back at la jolla. ross is still creeping.
"who needs awrt when you have a 300 yee old cahved panool?"
nathan and melissa shop for moroccan imports. and all i wanna do is jump through the fucking tv and and spray my scent all over everything.
this little corner in particular:
and then i see clay pots for $295 and i wanna punch ross in the nuts again.
note to decorators: if you stop buying pots for $295 people will stop selling pots for $295 dollars. it's called supply and demand.
and then there's the matter of a 50,000 dollar floor from spain that is to be installed in a house, on a CLIFF, in southern california. i hope she has awesome earthquake insurance.
back at the office that sir osbourne built:
ellen pom-pay-o has a gift.
martyn starts tongueing chocolates and i feel violated.
mary and the budget scene.
2 things here make me want to punch ross in the nuts.
1. her eyebrows and general forehead area.
2. her unwillingness to slash the budget and also again..her forehead.
and over at melissa's..
uh oh. broken tiles.
nathan is summoned to talk to john cougar mellencamp tracy about it.
back to
JAM and bread ross..
bed's not ready. ross's phone has giant numbers on it. nutpunch.
villa blanca?
kathryn and MLB. lunch at the vanderpumps.
i make no bones about the fact that i LOVE kathryn ireland. we both have enormous boobs and love to drink wine. instant scissor sisters.
martyn waxes on about his chocolate addiction and subsequent girth.
that bitch mary..
looking for antlers.
and a $2400 box the size of my butt (small and square) that is apparently, "a steal".
this is absurd..
yet..
for a brief moment i start to seize.
she is spending LOTS of money and i want to spend lots of money too.
especially other people's money.
the hypnotist's house.
chocolate in charge of our days and our nights.
i want
i want
i want chocolate in charge of me.
the hypnosis begins and i will bet you kendra's house martyn has a giant boner.
back at rossy ross and cult JAM.
time to install the 8 million dollar bed.
the room is meh.
and the sink is too small. it looks fucking stupid.
small sinks are not "rich people sinks". they are stupid sinks.
or for small handed freaks.
over at kathryn's we get to watch her gum some chocolates.
meanwhile..
nathan tries to convince melissa that her tiles look amazing.
for 50,000 dollars?
i could have thrown some 1 dollar clay tiles on the ground, poured a little acid on them (or jacqueline's pee) and picked up 3 dudes on the corner of ponce and home depot to lay that shit down for about 500 dollars. and then i would have told you that they came from a 1000 year old villa in spain and you would have been all..."OMG that looks so uh-maaaa-zing!"
no lie.
the rest though?
i. die.
but isn't "bohemian moroccan" sort of redundant?
so is "bohemian ethnic".
i wanna lick your face right now.
back at casa kendra..
i want to deliver one final crushing blow to ross's nuts.
because..
larry (aka mary's lesbian assistant, nancy) decides to do things her way.
i would have keyed her subaru outback for not doing what i asked her to do.
mary, i understand why you are such a bitch.
you have to deal with a bunch of assholes who think they know more than you.
i grant you a perpetual bitch pass.
here's to hoping joran van der sloot aka ross doesn't murder anyone between now and next tuesday.
peace out billy bob.
Reader Comments (28)
I just couldn't wait for you to post your thoughts on last nights' show.... OMG! Totally agree about Ross.... Ewwwww.
Kathryn is a blast - I can imagine partying with her. I also know a friend of hers in London!!
Ok there is something wrong with my brain b/c I missed the show AGAIN!! But that's Ok because I HAVE YOUR RECAPS! Love love love it. I read an article once (was it Domino? Vogue? Can't remember.) about how Kathryn Ireland has these giant house parties somewhere in Europe every summer, for like a month or two. They should do a show on THAT, can you imagine the awesome drunken revelry?? :) Melissa
Fantasticly fabulous funny post. Agree with everything you said. In full. Love this show! Love you!
i want to stab mary mcdonald with a big huge antique silver inlaid with jewels fork used by marie antoinette to eat her cake with. period. done and done. brilliant recap doll. xo
I hope he does! I hope he does! Good fucking recap makes its better since I can't watch.
I took a sleeping pill last night and was tripping balls when MLB was rim jobbing those chocolates. I had to turn the TV off. I haven't finished watching the episode yet but I vaguely remember HATING Miss Mary Mac like 3 times more than I did last week. Her clients voice is possibly the most annoying one I have ever heard...aside from Rosie Poops the pregnant in heels idiot.
I loved how bitchy that La Jolla clients daughter was....she was totally calling JAM out on everything! 100,000 dollar desk smack in front of a window with a 30million dollar view of the ocean plus the whole thing with the sinks barely big enough to wash a newborns hands in was such a DUMBSHIT move. He probably got paid a million bucks to shop on 1st dibs and bang his BF gROSS...this dude can't even get a sink right.
I AM SWEATING ANGER
WTF? Reality TV is going to kill us all. Please, this is so God awful..it is a terrible crime against nature ... I HATE Reality TV and this is one reason why
"i could have thrown some 1 dollar clay tiles on the ground, poured a little acid on them (or jacqueline's pee) ": one of your funniest commentaries ever! ross=douche
is it me or does Martyn deliver every sentence like he's a villian in a B movie?
Ok...it is happening...I am having a growing affection for everyone on this show, including Ross. Yes, I highly suspect he is a serial killer too. That accent of his...where did that come from...he's probably really from the Appalachian Mountains whose actual accent is hi hillbilly. But I want to live in his hair. I cannot get enough of it. That is probably how he murders his victims...he catches them in his hair and then he can do whatever to them.
And I am hating Mary and loving Kathryn. Now I like Martyn now since I know he has a chocolate weakness. I'm pretty sure he wears eyeshadow. Nathan can do no wrong but I am with you....I know I could come up with some tile that looked just as good for a 50th of the price.
JAM, I cannot stand. No...your job is not as important as the president's and that sink was stupid. Even the second one was too little.
I'm actually kind of hoping Ross does go a bit postal, hopefully on Mary. I actually fell asleep halfway through. I got so annoyed at Mary and her ridic budget, than the stupid shopping bender, and the JAM/ross dramadumbness I passed out. Thank god for MLB and his soft porn chocolove for redeeming the show a bit. I need more freaky behavior like that and less whining entitled rich f-ers bitching about dust to stay entertained.
And I so agree, Kathryn is the best.
You nailed it!
whoa whoa whoa. what about BB!?!? what's with the vague implication? just reminding us that you and you Tate hair met him, or is there news?
I mean, great MDD recap post and everything, I know you work really hard to pump those out, but if you've got JA superstar career news I want that first - upfront, sister. share, I beg of you.
I could not wait to read your post on this show. It is so much better than designturds any day. who puts an f'in bar sink in a master bath????? You have nailed it on the head Sister!!!!
I haven't even had a chance to watch all this hot mess (next week, Stateside, baby!) but I really, REEELY hope some of Mary's crap is for show.
Yes, the $300 clay pots! WTF. I emailed Susie right away. Seriously, I think those bothered me more than the $100,000 dumbass desk (which, by the way, bothered me a lot)! You nailed it all. Only one question, MLBullard clearly has had a shitload of work done on his face, but what the hell is the matter with his eyelids? Reference screen shot above.
Lord, I love this show.
Two things.
1. Is that you in the first picture?
2. Are u angry?
HAHAHA!!! it totally looks like me!!
but no that is ross and he is very angry.
Awesome is all I have to say. I am still laughing! Thanks for making my day, I was mid-job search, and took a moment to lift my spirits by reading your blog. So glad I did. :D
Looking forward to next weeks recap- Peace out!
BTW- You've gone global, I live in Munich Germany, and me and my girlfriends all read your blog and share your posts on Facebook.
That terrace looks like a Pier One ad. And not in a good way.
After you punch Ross in the nuts, imma gonna bust him in the throat. I don't want to lay eyes on him again, ever. I just want to watch Kathryn and MLB for an hour. Anything they do is alright with me. Because I truly love them (him, as a designer and a human being; her, as a human being (as a designer, not so much)).
I'll catch up with the other twats from your recaps!
Why aren't you my neighbor?
I just can't get over the budgets these people have; $25k EXTRA for a rug? Isn't $25k enough? I don't have that much $$$$$$$$$$ in furniture in my entire house, and they're talking about rugs! I love this stupid ass show! (I want that hypnotyst to live in my house and calm me down on a daily basis.)
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