million dollar doucherators.. recapping.


ross and JAM in la jolla.

i want to punch ross in the nuts immediately. 


does anyone else think this guy is a serial killer?




stop being so cute nathan.






back at la jolla.  ross is still creeping. 

"who needs awrt when you have a 300 yee old cahved panool?"



nathan and melissa shop for moroccan imports. and all i wanna do is jump through the fucking tv and and spray my scent all over everything.

this little corner in particular:


and then i see clay pots for $295 and i wanna punch ross in the nuts again. 

note to decorators: if you stop buying pots for $295 people will stop selling pots for $295 dollars.  it's called supply and demand.  

and then there's the matter of a 50,000 dollar floor from spain that is to be installed in a house, on a CLIFF, in southern california.  i hope she has awesome earthquake insurance. 




back at the office that sir osbourne built: 

 ellen pom-pay-o has a gift.

martyn starts tongueing chocolates and i feel violated.  


mary and the budget scene.  

2 things here make me want to punch ross in the nuts.

1. her eyebrows and general forehead area.

2. her unwillingness to slash the budget and also again..her forehead.



and over at melissa's..

uh oh. broken tiles. 

nathan is summoned to talk to john cougar mellencamp tracy about it.



 back to

JAM and bread ross..

bed's not ready.  ross's phone has giant numbers on it.  nutpunch.



villa blanca?

kathryn and MLB. lunch at the vanderpumps.

i make no bones about the fact that i LOVE kathryn ireland.  we both have enormous boobs and love to drink wine.  instant scissor sisters. 

martyn waxes on about his chocolate addiction and subsequent girth.  



that bitch mary..

looking for antlers.

and a $2400 box the size of my butt (small and square) that is apparently, "a steal".

this is absurd..


 for a brief moment i start to seize.

she is spending LOTS of money and i want to spend lots of money too.  

especially other people's money.



the hypnotist's house.

chocolate in charge of our days and our nights.

i want

i want

i want chocolate in charge of me. 

 the hypnosis begins and i will bet you kendra's house martyn has a giant boner.



back at rossy ross and cult JAM.

time to install the 8 million dollar bed.

the room is meh.

and the sink is too small.  it looks fucking stupid.

small sinks are not "rich people sinks".  they are stupid sinks. 

or for small handed freaks.



over at kathryn's we get to watch her gum some chocolates.



nathan tries to convince melissa that her tiles look amazing. 

for 50,000 dollars?

i could have thrown some 1 dollar clay tiles on the ground, poured a little acid on them (or jacqueline's pee) and picked up 3 dudes on the corner of ponce and home depot to lay that shit down for about 500 dollars.  and then i would have told you that they came from a 1000 year old villa in spain and you would have been all..."OMG that looks so uh-maaaa-zing!"

no lie.


the rest though?

i. die.

but isn't "bohemian moroccan" sort of redundant? 

so is "bohemian ethnic".

i wanna lick your face right now.


back at casa kendra..

i want to deliver one final crushing blow to ross's nuts.


larry (aka mary's lesbian assistant, nancy) decides to do things her way.

i would have keyed her subaru outback for not doing what i asked her to do.

mary, i understand why you are such a bitch.

you have to deal with a bunch of assholes who think they know more than you.

i grant you a perpetual bitch pass.





 here's to hoping joran van der sloot aka ross doesn't murder anyone between now and next tuesday.


peace out billy bob.