design turd: mosaic turds

day 1-


new jersey cul de sac.


the challenge:

decorate some poor bastard's house.

there are 2 houses and therefore 2 poor bastards.


5 turds to 1 house.


poor bastard 1:

"i want something that doesn't suck bawls"


poor bastard #2:

"i want something that my kids can play in but looks like an adult space and doesn't suck bawls"


too bad bastards!!




cathy does the horses share of the shopping for her and brett and karl's room.

she buys a travertine topped table and some other ugly shit.

"travertine=global perspective".


chomp chomp chomp


 karl is all..i wanna shop too..  


karl and brett are over that bitch cathy..

"i'm so over that bitch cathy"


and cathy's all...

"whatchoo talkin bout karl? emmy emmy emmy..neigh.."



day 75



karl gets his way..

"don't worry bout it i'm just gonna smash em up and make the ugliest shit you ever saw"



mark and doug are fightin over paint and life..

fake smiles in a sea of vomit.


mark is all...

"i have a deep connection with nature and raw materials"


speaking of raw vaginas..

grab the (my) vagina, mark...grab the vagina..



and then kevin was all...

"just put me in the basement where i belong" 




and then meg was all..

"my style is vintage palm beach" 


and i was all excited thinking..

oooooo like this?


and this???


 and she was all..

no like this..


 and i was all..



and then leslie was all... 

 "i'm a lesbian"

and i was all..

don't you mean a les-LI-bian?


and then she mistook paint for putty, spilling it all over the new carpet

and fiona was all...



 and then bromstad showed up and i wanted to peel my face off my skull bones..


actually he seems super nice..




and then the novogratzs showed up...

and that shit got serious.


you should know that no footage exists of the novogratzs actually liking anything they saw.



here is why...

(brace yourselves)

it's seriously the WORST PART ABOUT THAT KITCHEN!!! 

just because you can do mosaic doesn't mean you should do mosiac. 



why is everything the color of cat puke and vagina?






 would you like some tea with your throw up?




worst rug in the universe. 



angled rugs + pillows on the floor = poop.






sarah richardson is somewhere touching herself.


the best by a mile.

it's insipid but it doesn't offend me. 


oddly enough tweedleturd won with this: 

murder corner.



and doug lost with his vagina wall.



someone wake me up when it's down to mark and karl.