million dollar dum-dums recap

frankly i'd rather talk about my ghost poops than recap this show. 

why?  bc this shit is about as exciting as watching that dick casey anthony go free.

btw ghost poops are a phenomenon where i take a poop, wipe,  then stand to inspect the specimens in the toilet only to find an empty bowl.  no trace of the poop to be found.

this is happening more and more frequently..

mysterious.  and decidedly not awesome.  it's like someone stealing your baby.  


ok ok…i'm done.


where was i?


oh right.


no where.



rather than take you on a boring ass play by play journey of this dumb show i will try to nutshell this bitch up. 


k'ire is navigating around her bedroom trying to pack for london where she will decorate the country home of her ex boyfriend..





jackleen is creeping around the house like she's hiding something..



k'ire gives jackleen a pair of leather pants.


i have given some (jealous) thought to what jackleen's day probs looks like:


cooks, drinks, eats, cooks, cleans up its mess, sits in the courtyard smoking cigarettes,

maybe it does a load of laundry, drinks, takes what it wants, reads a paper in french, smokes, eats, cooks something, 

tries on kathryn's clothes and jewelry, smokes, eats, counts its scarves, drinks and cooks dinner for the family, 

drinks and smokes some more and then passes out on the floor of its bedroom.


actually it sounds an awful lot like my real life day.





jeff is whining about the floors not being right for another restaurant.


total dick!!! 


jeff sneaks behind ross's back and demos the floor right the fuck out of there.

then tries to sell the restaurant owner on 50k oak planks.



 i'd like to say the owner punched him in the face, but i guess civilized people don't do that.




MLB shops in london for a one kings lane tastemaker tag sale.

which was today, acutally.

cool to see all the things he picked out in the shops on the OKL site.

also awesome to see rich people buying shit that is worth half or less than what they actually payed.






mary and larry show up at "dru's" house..

here we are to believe that this dru person lives in this totally staged house with its totally staged furniture and the totally staged homeowner is in need of decorating and that mary is conflicted about taking a job from a crazy person just for the money..


well guess what...

this shit ain't real.


i have it on high authority (my street smarts) that dru is acutally an actor paid to tell you that she loves the way the carpet meets the floors and the ugly windows and that she wants a gym in the middle of her living room...

she's dru alright.


dru mouser..



foiled andy cohen!!!!!


your stupid fruit bouquet/phone call realness was no match for my street smarts!



back in the english countryside (my happy place)..

k'ire is hoping to get some action from her ex boyfriend/client..




your call...




fart out,