tiny turds

well the turds decorate some fuckin garden sheds masquerading as garden sheds this week.


according to tanika this shit is the wave of the future..


"a hot new movement (bowel movement) of people living simply (with their dogs in a doghouse)"


why is this a thing?

are you all aware of this "movement"?

i was not aware of this movement.

i want no part of this movement.

this reeks of hipster patchouli.


i think having a garden shed in your backyard that you convert into an office or private retreat is great..

but to make it the place that you live full time says to me that you are living your life as a dickhead who probably wears old timey hats and pulls your jeans up to your ribs..


but whatever...

you still gotta git'er done.


as expected mark's boner grew 3 sizes that day when he walked into the shed made of wood..


once inside the tiny house the turds have 30 minutes to plan the space.

they are each given a "celebrity carpenter"..


here are the turds' reactions to the news..


tanika: you know him from hgtv...(no i don't)....it's chip waaaayne!"

meg: "annnnnnh hhhhhaaaannnnn....eat him!"


tanika: "you know her from hgtv..(no i don't)...carmendelalapaloooya"

mark: "i wish i had my hat on"


tanika: "you know him from hgtv..(really, i don't know him or any of them)...mark barkeloooou!!!"

karl: "my penis is tucked into my butt."



once they go over the plan with the carpenter they are off to shop.


karl is thinking ottomans for their versatility..

"hahahahaaa ha ha ha aaaa OTTOMANS!!!"


ottomans. versatile. 


meg is like so amazed by the awesome decorating power of a rake head turned into a thing that's not really a rake..

if you like this you need to punch yourself in the face.











mark is buying belts..



 "get ready for my signature wall art made out of dumb things that no one likes.


and a new hat.."


more ridiculously time crunched scrambling ensues..


then the sweaty turds gather on the lawn..

for the 2nd part of the their 2 part camera challenge...


the walk through where

meg finally reveals her pregnancy..


time for judging.



big bird is back!!

she is using her sense of smell and taste instead of eye judging.


here's karl's doghouse...

nothing says creepy like karl standing next to a clock that reads 10:10...or just karl standing.









for that split second when i imagine that i get to participate in the challenge, right before i punch myself in the vagina, 

what popped into my mind was that NY times article last year about the college student who

decorated the shit out of his dorm room..



stuff stuff stufffff!!

layers, rugs, textiles, furniture..

why do the turds always have to build shit?

no one in regular life is building shit.


nothing they ever do looks finished.

nevermind it looking good.

it just doesn't looked decorated.

i decorated my closet/clubhouse when i was 9 better than this and i had to work with blue carpet.


(i just high fived my cat) 



mark got sent home for his dumb belts and stripes walls.


now everyone go and punch yourself in the left eye.