tables and parties: my thoughts.

november is a motherfucker of domesticity.

all i wanna do is cook and throw parties.

problem is throwing parties is something i never actually do.

primarily bc parties cost money even if everyone else brings the food.

what with all the cleaning to do before hand and sprucing up the house..

fresh flowers and activities to all seems to cost money.  even if you don't plan to spend it.  it's like a money troll comes in and hijacks your credit cards and then somehow the week of the party your tires need replacing.

and then holiday parties are so close to the HOLIDAYS...which is really the worst time to have a party.

plus the older you get the harder it is to get people together.

do i even have any friends?

i'm not actually sure.

and then there's that weird window of like 1 or 2 saturdays that people are even available.

and i hate everyone elses kids.

so..umm...what was i saying?


oh yeah!!

parties are hard.


i wonder if i will ever actually have one.


 tell me how to have a party oh wise internet friends.

where i get away with spending no money..

because i think that's the way mike would want it.


here are some tables i like to look at and some bars with booze.

my bar has a half drunk bottle of gin that i think is about 3 years old,

a few cans of club soda and an unopened bottle of pimms because no one actually drinks pimms but lonny tells me it looks good on my bar cart. 


these people look like they know how to throw a party.



this looks like some ladies are gonna throw down some pimms.



where'd everybody go?

that food's gonna get cold.

have you ever eaten a cold brussels sprout?

not something you do twice.



this is nice to look at, yes?

it's like some gay gentlemen are about to drink some fine scotch and talk about shoes.



let me tell you..i am NOT a placemat person.

but this one is giving me sea grass rug and everyone knows how right a sea grass rug is.



perfect flowers.

i can't stand at a dinner table when there is a gigantor "centerpiece".

no one can reach the food or see who you are talking to but's about reaching the goddamn food.

if i come to your house and there's a giant centerpiece in the middle of the table i will throw it out the window.



this is pretty.

the animals are cute.




good to know.





that centerpiece is pushing my patience...but it's REALLY pretty.




i like the plates. 

and i am proud of those carnations.



i might paint my dining room blue just to do this at thanksgiving.

that's normal, right?





i know.

the's big. 

but i think this whole shebang is perfect.

we can move the flowers right?



and finally...the bar to end all bars..


this is for the serious party thrower. 

the party that i wanna be invited to.


what are your rules and thoughts on parties/tables?

how can i have a free party?



domestic farts,