dear vagina and vaginal neighbors (i.e. cervix, uterus, ovaries, endometrial parts, etc..),
don't let me down today.
i thanked you with drugged up tears of joy when we (forceps) pushed a baby into this world.
and then i apologized on fiona's behalf when she ripped us nearly into two separate beings.
and then i nursed you back to health with sitz baths and hippie magic.
i also did kegel exercises to get you back into shape so shit wouldn't get lost in you.
i don't even use tampons so i won't cramp your style.
in short, we are friends.
i love you.
i respect you and i try to show you a good time every once in a while...
so please return the favor and don't be sick.
sorry about the weird scopes and burny things and scissory things that will be coming at you in a few hours.
work with me though ok?
i will be feeding us xanax to help us both relax, but xanax does nothing for pain..
so let's hold hands and go to our happy place...
(my happy place is being a crawley)
and then later i will feed you some chocolate and wine.
ok, maybe i will eat that.
dear the rest of you,
tomorrow i have something so awesome to share that it defies all things that are awesome to the awesome power of awesome.
so come back for that.
as for me, i will be taking a few days off to relax and rest.
thank you all again for your love and support.
i will never forget it,
as long as i live,
WHICH IS GOING TO BE A VERY LONG TIME!!