some vaginal updates and a letter from downton..
Tuesday, February 28, 2012 at 7:53AM hi guys.
imma keep this short and sweet so i can get back to doing nothing.
#1- i attempted to record my day yesterday but i was so nervous and when i'm nervous i'm quiet and/or mean.
i was afraid you'd all ask for your money back.
#2- the biopsy went as well as i could have hoped other than the worlds most nauseatingly horrific knife-like stabs for a solid 20 minutes.
seriously, i died for a minute and saw 'the light'.
#3- my doctor saw a white edge on a part of my cervix which she biopsied. she called it something but i was dizzy and still in my happy place from the pain so i was kind of deaf at the time.
she also saw a polyp which (gag) wasn't full of mucous. (tip- most of them are. i did not know this.)
she said that most polyps don't present any cancer cells. some do, but most don't.
since mine wasn't filled with (gag) mucous she thinks that this is what was causing the glandular abnormalities.
she also biopsied into my uterus (HOLYFUCKPAIN) and since she couldn't see in it bc my silly cervix was in the way we still don't have any idea what was in there.
so..
to sum up.
piece of polyp on its way to lab.
piece of white edge on its way to lab.
piece of uterus on it's way to lab.
good news- more than likely the polyp was causing the abnormalities.
and polyps usually don't contain cancer cells.
worse case scenario- polyp is full of cancer cells and i have to have it surgically removed.
but all i heard when she said those words was "you'll be put to sleep" and i was like...thank jesus!
there is still the chance that there was something in the uterus but i think that chance is pretty low considering the polyp.
and lastly, i want to say thank you again for your help.
bc of you i was able to swipe the card and pay for the whole procedure plus doctor visit plus remainder of last doctor visit.
that was the most incredible feeling in the world.
there is no financial burden looming over our heads.
so thank you so so much.
from all of us.
we are so grateful.
finally..
my parents left for england on friday and this is the letter i was sent via email on sunday..
it is written by my dad.
Dear Jenny, Mike & Fi,
Well, here we are in the UK. As you know, we spent our first night in-country at the Downton Abbey "estate". I'm not sure where to start. First of all, the scene you see of the house from a distance is a movie facade. Really! Inside there's one of those indoor water parks with a water slide, wave pool, miniature golf layout, and the 'Lord Grantham Petting Zoo'. Speaking of which, I now know the real reason Lord G sent the maid packing; seems there is a VERY jealous sheep named Molly who didn't take kindly to this budding relationship. Most of the time Lord G walks around dressed like Mr. Greenjeans asking little boys and girls if they want to pet his sock puppet lamb. Weird man!
The food wasn't too bad but we found out early on that you need get to the restaurant fairly early. As the evening goes on, Mrs Patmore gets increasingly drunk so if you don't want cigarette ashes in your soup eat at the first sitting. BTW, we never could get an adequate explanation of why she's called MRS Patmore. There seems to be no record, or knowledge of, a MR Patmore. When one asks, one is met with a stony silence. Hmmm.
NEWS FLASH! Lady Mary is NO lady. Word has it that that Turkish fella didn't die from a weak heart. Shaquille O'Neal wouldn't last a night with her! Poor Matthew! Each morning he looks as though ALL bodily fluids have been drained from his body. He comes to breakfast sobbing and shaking uncontrollably.
Thomas and Mrs O'Brien have a lounge act. Two shows nightly. Picture the scene from the Fabulous Baker Boys with Michele Pfeiffer sitting on the piano accompanied by Jeff Bridges. In this act though it's Thomas sitting on the piano dressed in pink chiffon, smoking a cigarette, and singing a throaty version of 'Is That All There Is'. Speaking of cigarettes, those are NOT regular cigarettes. The guy's a stoner. He's never without one. O'Brien keeps up a steady patter of fart jokes when Thomas isn't singing. "Thank-you, thank-you very much, we'll be here all week".
The DC joined us for dinner last night. Poor dear! It's time to park the bus. We heard some gurgling at the end of the table and found her face down in her soup. In those increasingly rare moments of lucidity, she loves to talk about her days as a camp follower during the Boer War. It's easy to see who in the family, Lady Mary favors.
Lady Edith walks around all day trying to get someone to talk to her. Perhaps if she wouldn't start every conversation with "hello, do you think I'm pretty?" she might have more success.
Lady Sybil and Branson are a couple of bomb-throwing left-wing commies. No sense of humor what-so-ever. In the spirit of the "special relationship" between our two countries, I suggested a toast to the royal family. Big mistake! Food fight was on. The DC found it all very amusing though, she awoke long enough to giggle hysterically and promptly went back to sleep.
Carson and Mrs Hughes! Now there's a pair. I got lost trying to find a working toilet and accidentally walked into the butler's pantry. There was Mrs Hughes in full leather regalia with a riding crop in one hand, a martini in the other and riding on Carson's back (who was dressed in a French Maid's outfit). I politely declined their invitation and continued my search.
More later.
Mom & Dad
letter #2 tomorrow!
p.s. my parents ARE in england but they are NOT at highclere castle.
they are in yorkshire though.
but the real highclere castle is no where near yorkshire.
now you are smarter.
Reader Comments (27)
Jenny, Sorry you went through all that pain. I'm sure you're glad that procedure is over. Let's hope that all is well and there will be no surgery needed.
Your dad is too funny. But now I'll spend all day trying to get that image of Mrs. Hughes and Carson out of my brain.
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers while the biopsy results come back. I think your humor is genetic. What a cool dad.
I will never understand why we can't be completely unconscious for these types of tests. Seriously, it just doesn't make sense. I am sorry you had to go through that and hope all is well with you.
Jenny, it sounds like things went as well as they could've, considering it had to happen at all. I find it amusing that a polyp filled with mucous grosses you out, but all the poop talk in the world..... Anyway, will continue to send energy, light and hope through the ether to you and those bitsy cells being biopsied. Hope you're resting without worry. Love the letter from Downton, natch.
So sorry yesterday sucked so bad but things sound good in the possible reasons for the glandular change department- will be thinking/sending every possible positive thought your way until the biopsies are back.
I see where you get your funny from- hilarious letter:)
Glad to hear it's all looking up Jenny. Now make me a pie hoe nugget!
Hugs and frito farts.
ouch, ouch + ouch - you poor baby. i am sorry about the discomfort but so very encouraged that the results will be exactly what we all hope for. as winnie the pooh says - You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. loving the letter from M+D - brilliant! go put your feet up and drink some tea. xoxo
So glad to hear that things went well... other than the searing pain that will surely scar you for life.
Also, I see where you get the humor from.
Yay..at least that part is over! And HOORAY for paid bills...I definitely feel you on that one! Still praying for you!
PS... I just love your dad!!
I just kept squirming through the entire description. Uggh, at least that part is over. I'm sure that silly old non-mucus-filled polyp (thanks for all the mucus info btw) is to blame. Now, go rest up. Sending good vibes your way!
i'm so sorry about the pain! glad its over! i loved your dad's letter! i freaked bc i thought he actually was there!
I had one polyp removed. The surgery is a snap... in and out and you'll be fine! It just feels like a really bad period afterwards. One thing to look out for is a bladder infection after the surgery. They put a catheter in and it can leave you open to infection.
Sadly, I think I have another polyp. Have an appointment in a few weeks. It terrifies the crap out of me because of my family history with cancer.
Chin-up beautiful! You'll get through this.
/hugs
Lauren
Sending love and light to your vagina hole.
xx-Z
Sounds like a reason to celebrate to me! For more reasons that one. So happy you are not stressed by the finances of it, I have been there and it sucks a big one. Rest up!
Okay, reading your dad's letter, I totally see where you get your funny from! Also, sorry you had to go through all of that yesterday, but hopefully it will soon be just a faint painful memory and fodder for more funny stories. Feel better soon!
What a fun and funny father you have. And my, what an ordeal for your nether region! Hope you are enjoying your recovery. Hang in there.
jbhat
I'm so happy to hear that things are looking good... keeping my fingers crossed for you!!
We all love you jenny. So glad the ordeal is over and you are debt free. Rest that brain of yours. xoxo
So glad things went well. I'm raising a glass to your healthy hoohah. And your dad.
I am so sorry that you are having all of these problems... when they say that \\\"what won't kill you will make you stronger\\\"...if that is really the case, then you will come out of this ride with your saddles blazin' and guns flyin'! I just know it!
I loved what your Dad wrote...I see where you get your talent and humor...always a wonderful thing to have passed on to one...and you look SO MUCH like your Mother...she must be so proud, as you should be, too.
Thank you so much for one of the Highlights you give me in my day, and I hope only the best for you and your health!
Julie
Now I see where you get your humor. You dad's letter tickled me. Hope you are feeling better soon! Good thoughts on the results. xoxoxo
Sooo good to hear that your med experience went ok!!! I'm drinking a toast to you that everything comes out in the clear because you are one of my fav bloggers....your p's letter is precious!!! xoxo
Sorry for all those pain Jenny. Although you started out this post with awful feelings, the photo retouch at the end is so funny! Haha.
Your family has strong funny DNA! SO sorry the experience was so unpleasant!! Feel better and be well! xo
This was way better than some Downton updates and a letter from your vagina. Good call, J.