downton day 2

Dear Jenny, Mike & Fi,

Well, it's day two and Bates and Anna finally showed up looking like they'd been rode hard and put away wet.  Anna is barely 4 feet tall and dresses like a really slutty Rihanna.  Bates was wearing one of those sleeveless muscle shirts so I couldn't help notice the huge tattoo on his right shoulder.  Big red heart with 'Veracruz' written kinda off-center.  It looked as though the cruz part was scabbed over.  When I asked about his attachment to a Mexican city, he suggested, not too politely, that I mind my own damned business.  Sensitive issue apparently.  Anna hangs on him like a fashion accessory which seems strange since I've only ever heard her call him MR. Bates.

Oh, guess who cleans the rooms?  DAISY!  Poor girl, she's not the brightest bulb on the string.  Sweet girl though, I asked if we could have fresh towels and she told me to fu#@ off!  Seems she's had it up to here with "that f'in bitch, Mrs Patmore".  "One more word out her gin soaked mouth and I'll beat her to death with one of her f'in frying pans" says she.

We were wondering where Cora was until we found her running the souvenir gift shop.  They're having a special today; two-for-one on the Lord G sock puppets.  I thought they'd make cute pencil cozy's for Fi.  Back to Cora though.  Did you know she's an American?  Witness Protection Program!  She's understandably reluctant to talk about it but I gather it has some connection to smuggling illegal aliens to work in the sex industry.  What with Lord G spending all his free time in the barn, it's no wonder she seems tense.

Since we're leaving shortly, I decided to stop by the fitness center for a quick workout before hitting the road.  It looks like Isobel has found her niche in life.  As a former Marine I'm used to being called "shit-for-brains" by a drill instructor when not performing up to his expectations but not by a 60-something woman that I don't know.  (except for your mother, of course)  To make matters worse, as I'm taking a shower in walks Thomas.  "Hi sailor, new in town?" he asks.

We're outta here!

Mom and Dad

BTW, did you know that you can rent rooms in the Tower of London?


oh dad.



genetic farts,