downton day 2
Wednesday, February 29, 2012 at 10:30AM Dear Jenny, Mike & Fi,
Well, it's day two and Bates and Anna finally showed up looking like they'd been rode hard and put away wet. Anna is barely 4 feet tall and dresses like a really slutty Rihanna. Bates was wearing one of those sleeveless muscle shirts so I couldn't help notice the huge tattoo on his right shoulder. Big red heart with 'Veracruz' written kinda off-center. It looked as though the cruz part was scabbed over. When I asked about his attachment to a Mexican city, he suggested, not too politely, that I mind my own damned business. Sensitive issue apparently. Anna hangs on him like a fashion accessory which seems strange since I've only ever heard her call him MR. Bates.
Oh, guess who cleans the rooms? DAISY! Poor girl, she's not the brightest bulb on the string. Sweet girl though, I asked if we could have fresh towels and she told me to fu#@ off! Seems she's had it up to here with "that f'in bitch, Mrs Patmore". "One more word out her gin soaked mouth and I'll beat her to death with one of her f'in frying pans" says she.
We were wondering where Cora was until we found her running the souvenir gift shop. They're having a special today; two-for-one on the Lord G sock puppets. I thought they'd make cute pencil cozy's for Fi. Back to Cora though. Did you know she's an American? Witness Protection Program! She's understandably reluctant to talk about it but I gather it has some connection to smuggling illegal aliens to work in the sex industry. What with Lord G spending all his free time in the barn, it's no wonder she seems tense.
Since we're leaving shortly, I decided to stop by the fitness center for a quick workout before hitting the road. It looks like Isobel has found her niche in life. As a former Marine I'm used to being called "shit-for-brains" by a drill instructor when not performing up to his expectations but not by a 60-something woman that I don't know. (except for your mother, of course) To make matters worse, as I'm taking a shower in walks Thomas. "Hi sailor, new in town?" he asks.
We're outta here!
Mom and Dad
BTW, did you know that you can rent rooms in the Tower of London?
oh dad.
genetic farts,
Reader Comments (13)
BRILLIANT. Your entire family is brilliant!
Your Downton updates complete me, and these letters? EFF YES!!!!!!!!!!!! Coolest dad ever.
Jenny-it's easy to see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! What a hoot - hope you are continuing to heal - sending nothing but positive vibes.
OMG this made my day!!! xo
heehee!!! more please mr. jenny's dad! priceless prose.
love love love, keep posting!
Can I borrow your dad?
Ugh, Bates sleeveless....eek!
jbhat
Like a really slutty Rihanna? Genius!
Jenny, we here are sending white light and prayers and good vibes for the results of your tests! Your dad is a clever and funny writer, and a true support for his gal in tough times. Humor, wit, hope: that's what it's all about! Stay calm and laugh a LOT! Mo
Two things.
Thing one: When do the test results come back?
Thing two: Would Dad consider being a regular (or irregular) contributor to this here blog?
You have inspired me to commit art; some crafty shit for now but building up to second degree misdemeanor art. Colon: and semi-colon; wellness farts!
love it. thanksgiving at your house must be the best thing ever!
OMG - I've never heard a grown dad make a sailor joke.
I'm laughing real hard.
If they visit the southern parts of England, I'll sponsor them fish 'n chips - I have a South African accent but that's pretty much the same as the Queens, I'm sure.
Also - jackie sounds like fun - does she have a blog? I am committing crafty art too, inspired in part by you Jen but more so by my empty bank account and left-over paints from my nieces.
/cx