design turd episode 1

design star season 42 is upon us and folks, shit still be terrible.


if you're new here i make fun of this show.



the lead singer of creed is on the show...

 he hasn't sung about jesus yet but i fully expect him to.


look at that chin!



also daisy fuentes is a judge.

or is she a one time only judge?

i don't really know i only watched the last 20 minutes.

(20 minutes i'll never get back)

either way..what the diarrhea is daisy fuentes doing judging design?!

no really...tell me.

does she have a celebrity line for rooms to go?


does kohls sell furniture?


i'm losing focus.


as i said i only watched the last 20 minutes which is essentially all you need to see.


here are some of the designs..

not terrible. 

but not good either.

ok it's mostly terrible.

those sheers need to be burned in a fire.

i have to know if those porn-rape basement lights on the ceiling are for tv purposes?

 if this was my room i would have ripped them down when no one was looking.

also, i would have obviously hung a more substantial curtain.

and you know how i hate FEATURE WALLS!!!!!

that "chevron" just ends up looking like ghetto charlie brown's dollar store t shirt.

and who's the asshole who chose that green gray carpet?

shoot them.




jesus another feature wall.

i like the wall color.

and i appreeeeeciate the way the white fretwork pops off the blue.

but the scale of EVERYTHING is wrong.

why didn't anyone think to get a bigger rug?

or a few rugs to create "areas".

and why does this room have hospital tile and the other one has murder carpet?

that cowhide just looks ridiculous and what the fuck is the ottoman for?

scale people. SCALE!!!

and i guess those rapey lights are for tv.



there were plenty of "art" installations.


that little table covered in tape was my favorite of all of the everything.

i would do that.

and that's saying something.



 bless her heart.



this person has no business decorating rooms for money.

and she certainly has no business on the TV convincing people that this is good.

feature wall? check!

lime green/royal purple complete double feature wall what does it mean?  check! check!

this looks like the "family room" in a juvi center.

i hope they set it on fire.



everyone raved over the fucking moose on a black wall.

in fact i think the girl who did it is the girl who won.


excuse me...

this room is horrible.

and the moose makes absolutely no sense in it.

and that tiny tv with the framing around it is about the worst thing i've seen on this show.

in fact i think this person should have gone home.

but not before they were beaten to death.


if it were me..

and i HAD to work with a moose i would have made it more rustic and cozy.

less z gallerie meets homegoods meets hairy butthole.




don't get me wrong.

i HATE this.

but it's the best of the worst.

it's layered.

it looks comfy.


i love monochrome.

but this is tooooo monochrome.

throw some wood in the mix and something that looks like the earth spit it out.


however, the real problem with this room is there isn't enough furniture in it.

the 2 sofas seem to be 4,000 miles from one another.

and it would have been so much better if they mixed it up a little.

why does everything have to be 2 of the same thing?

identical sofas, identical rugs, identical coffee tables, identical chairs...


identical thumbs down..




wake up designers.



this is all hgtv is providing in the pictures department.

probably for good reason.



next week someone poops out a table and vern's head explodes.

and then thousands of tiny verns come out and dance on it   

all the while candace's penis keeps the beat like a metronome.