good thing vanilla ice was there.


V.I. surely furnished his whole house at home depot.


fact #1: i did not watch this episode.

fact #2: i don't need to because i have eyes.


as i was gathering the images for this post i honestly was like.."dear god help me to understand why these people have such a hard time with this white box challenge".

then i started to notice that the turds were in a home depot like store filling their baskets with home depot like goods.


ohhhh...i get it.


they had to design the white boxes using shit entirely from home depot.

 that would suck massive amounts of ding dong.

and then i started to look at the heinously decorated box-rooms with a more sympathetic heart..


i don't spend an awful lot of time in home depot but i do know that there is a lot of this:



i know there are lights and sinks and rugs and maybe even pillows...

but mostly it's hardware and builder shit.

you know it.

i know it.

and vern knows it.


so yes this was a challenge.

but again..

a challenge that no one in real life EVER will have to face.

which makes it totally stupid.


is it so wrong to ask that you provide us with a show where people get to decorate a room using things that are pretty?

it's hard enough to decorate a room that way..

there are plenty of real life challenges to face when decorating a room.

why must we see what someone does with dirt and rope?


so i have sympathy this week for the turds.

because i have no idea what i would do.



here's what i DO know..

this is a box.

no windows.

no architecture.

no interest.


in my mind you need to add all of those elements.

and you need to fill. it. up.




i will save you the boredom of the boring rooms that didn't win or lose but still sucked.

and get on to the best and the worst.



oh it's heinous.

don't get me wrong.

but she filled it up.

and she filled it up with pattern which detracts from the boxiness.

and she filled it up with plants.

and her art is good.



this is honestly so fucking terrible that it's awesome.

again, i didn't actually watch this episode or even the usual last 20 minutes..

so this guy could have totally been serious and arty and full of himself..

which would make him the ultimate douchebag.

but if he is taking a piss here..i LOVE HIM FOR IT.

it's almost like he said "choke on my bitterness vern!"



the worst:

he oughta be beaten for the placement of that rug alone.


what the shit?


and he added that floor?!???


i don't know who went home but i hope it was this guy.





in every sense of the word.

it looks like it smells like stripper sweat.

and i think i see some cocaine on the floor.




looking through all of the rooms there wasn't anything that i was like...oohh...i'd do that.

there never is really. 

but i get that that's not the point.

i GET that you (hgtv) are trying to find a star.

someone who can create something out of nothing, someone who has a personality and can make do with what's on hand if pressed.

and i GET that challenges like this help you to weed out the truly terrible with the truly creative.

but it's bc of this that i don't need to watch this show.

i can gather all the info i need from the last 20 minutes or photos on the website.


if i were in charge here i would do like they did on top design..

i would have little pre- challenge challenges where the contestants had to be creative on the spot.

this is where you do your home depot shit.

then whoever did the best would get immunity.

and then you could have them do the real challenge which could be oh, i don't know..ummm..

decorate a room on a small budget?

isn't that enough of a challenge?



someone please bring back top design.



you might need to head this up.


who's with me?

newell. newell. newell!


 i am offering my services as guest judge.