where the fuck is everybody?



ramona says..."why aren't you on the blogs? i see you on pinorerest or peentrist or whatever it's called so why are you pretending that you're not here or there when REALLY you are just hiding from me because you don't like me or my blog anymore."


ok, not really.  

i know it's the 4th and summer and people are doing things and i get it.

go and have your fun (in london) without me.


while you guys are all out shooting firecrackers out of your b-holes i need to 

play catch up with the NY 'houzwiivz'..


luann is trying to have a baby (gross)

aviva just wants to fit in

ramona is...i don't know what ramona is

carole is a free spirit tryin to be free, man

heather hates ramona and mario and not talking

sonja is a caterer 



i love this show.

i seriously never want it to end.


somehow i was jealous that i wasn't invited to london.

that's how '4th wall' i am while i'm watching.


even though i can see right through this show and all the bullshit trips and parties that are planned in order to HAVE a show worth watching..

i give no fucks about that..

i still watch like an abuela watches univision.




this week we are still in ramona is not invited to london land..

aviva, for some good quality air time and feather ruffling decides it's her goddamned mission in life to get ramona on that plane to london.


heather's like, bitch please...i don't want to say that i hate ramona but i hate ramona.


at this point i think SOMEONE needs to say that they hate ramona!

wait, hate is a strong word..

how about someone just tell her what an asshole she can be...

i'll say it!! i'll say it!!!!


it would go something like this..

me:  hey ramona..listen...instead of whining about not going to london why don't you

try and figure out WHY you aren't invited to london.

it's because you are a big ole crazy bitch and not in a good way.


ramona: stab stab stab


i mean that's the truth right?

ramona seems like she could be real fun and cool but she lets jealousy rear it's ugly head and she's so goddamned awkward and insecure that she turns into a paranoid psycho.

she needs drugs.  and i don't say that lightly.


i gotta give it up for heather...

she's not backing down and caving and inviting ramona.

she seems smart, albeit suuuuper annoying, about life things.



another storyline they are gagging us with is luann and her baby making dreams..


how awkward was this whole question and answer session?


VERY awkward.


look, i love babies and i love love but i am super grossed out about the fact that this is a storyline.

i mean the whole awkward talk with victoria, then this "no really, i swear i'm not menopausal" talk with the doctor...

it's just too much.

and i get that you have a young boyfriend who doesn't have kids and that you might feel like you OWE him something...or maybe you're scared that if you don't give him a kid he'll leave you for a younger woman..

but i don't think i need to tell a classy countess that having babies for a man is real dumb.

i shouldn't have to remind you countess that you are pushing 50 (47) and that you'll have to run around and take care of a toddler right about the time your menopause kicks into high gear..


you have 2 smart and beautiful children...


travel, have parties in your big ole houses, enjoy your relationship!!  TRAVEL!


who else smells her desperation?

or am i just being a cold hearted bitch?



carole and ramona meet because ramona needs a sane person's opinion on how to talk to humans..


 we all love carole, right?

i mean she was wearing a baseball jacket!!

and she is clearly entertained by the lunacy of ramona.

as i would be.

i would totally want ramona on a trip, so long as her craziness was directed toward someone else.


ramona finds out that carole is a bonafide princess and all she can think of is how it's going to piss off luann.

then we all watch as carole awkwardly wipes ramona's pinot grigio scented drool from her cool baseball jacket.


afterwards carole and ramona are off to meet heather and aviva at curve..

the apparent most awesome place to shop in all of NYC..says heather.


heather's friend owns it and the two of them are throwing clothes all over everyone in 

another super awkward forced meeting.


heather's mouth diarrhea explodes with "hey look at aviva she only has one leg! don't give her shoes it draws attention to it".

then she sticks her head out the door and with her megaphone mouth blasts that information to all of NY.


meanwhile ramona takes a shit all over the clothes.


carole gets news that her 2nd book is being turned into a tv show.

everyone is excited for her, except ramona who takes a shit in a circle around carole...

and then tells us (me) that her wine is being sold at target.



carole goes on a date with a 31 year old...


good for her.

she acts like she doesn't know.

she knows.

i want all of carole's clothes and i want to know what shampoo and condtioner she uses.



my favorite housewives in order:










tomorrow i will give a jersey rundown.


happy 4th of ju-ly.

don't blow your faces off.