some extremely important things within this post


my favorite kind of post to write is the kind that feels like my brain is fat with random thoughts and information...


and i just can't wait to tell my best friends (you) all about things like my dreams and how 

i feel it's sacrilege to not look at your poop before you flush it.

and other things..


for starters-

my wife decorno thinks riesling is a delicious wine that goes with thai food and cheese...

i told her i saw no point in a wine that only has 7-11% alcohol.

but bc i love 'cornsie and trust her, i tried it.

here's what...

 it IS delicious!

it should also be the wine of choice for those bachelor rose ceremony parties (drunk bitches be fallin' down).


but it has the same calories as my booze-wine (chardonnay), roughly 110 calories per glass.

so let's do some math..

4 glasses of riesling = 2 glasses of chardonnay.

that ratio is based on how many glasses of riesling/chardonnay it takes to reach a mom buzz.

you know...the kind of buzz that you need at 4 in the afternoon to feel like yourself again and still prepare dinner without burning it?


so 440 calories vs. 220 calories.


the choice is obvious.




i have been contemplating this cut for a long time.

i am one divorce away from seeing it through.



moving right a long...



cold and flu season is right around the corner for those of us in the northern hemisphere.

this year i intend to build a fucking shield around myself with some thieves oil,

only bc i want a GIANT TUB of it i am going to make my own...

 here's the how to.



and finally...

thanks to my girl claire @guygirltravel 

we have this to rub our boobs on..


(turn the volume way up bc the sound is terrible)


if anyone in the UK is reading i will run naked through your vegetable patch wearing your wellies

if you record this season and send it to me.

i would very much like to prepare my recaps in advance so that you all have them the day after they air here.








over and out.