and no i don't mean the school kind because we don't have those!!


let's talk about a few things of relative importance..



 the fuck aviva?

here's how the converstation would have gone down if i was the one who had to "take my dog to the vet" rather than go to a charity event...

aviva: it. wasn't. about. me. it. was. about. the. CHILDREN!!!

me: here's what aviva...i didn't feel like going and riding a fucking stationary bike for 45 minutes.

aviva: (face explodes)

me: ...i'll come to your next charity event though so long as there is food and wine. 

aviva: (takes her leg off and tries to beat me with it)


the fatal flaw here is that you can't force friendship between women and then get all mad when one of them doesn't come to your "event".


it's bullshit.

just like that casual christmas lunch up there.


but i cannot wait for next week to watch ramona tell aviva to take a xanax 4,000 times.

and i think luann didn't want to put on a bikini because she didn't want to reveal her penis just yet.




how much did your skin crawl completely off your body and slither into a corner while watching joe guidice say words?

i can't even.

someone please put the two of them out of their misery.


when teresa was trying to hump on joe in the vinyards?

i stabbed the side of my neck with a pencil.


i actually fast forwarded through his speech to caroline at her birthday dinner.



and 3..

montessori's first few days have been pretty awesome. 

she came home yesterday and fully explained to me the difference between things that are congruent and similar.

 i told her that i honestly had no idea what congruent meant.

and could she please explain it to me.

she ran into her bathroom and pulled out 2 identical hair clips.

she said.."these are congruent mommy."

i said.." congruent means the same?"

she said.."no, it means EXACTLY the same."

then she grabbed two decks of cards, one was go fish and the other was something else..

she said.."THESE are similar..the same shape and size but a different picture on the front."


i know that is not a huge deal but in all the years at her other school she never once came home and explained anything to me.


i mentioned this to her and she said..


"that's because at montessori we learn one thing at a time and then we read for a bit, and then we move on to something feeding the turtles."




 i love you montessori.