if last week's episode gave you a case of the forgets, this week's episode gave you a case of the oh yeah's...
delphine lalaurie is a serial killer.
no matter how many tears she sheds over her zombie daughters,
or hugs she gives to queenie...
can a monster like her ever truly be repentant?
it's 1800-ish new orleans on all hallow's eve
and the lalaurie's are having the same halloween party i had in my basement circa 1978.
only the "eyeballs" really were grapes.
and the "intestines" really were sausages.
RIGHT, mom? !
delphine is testing the balls of one of borquita's (porquita? i have no idea what the fuck she was calling her...morquita? chiquita? sheniqua? ) suitors by making him stick his hands in various bowls of slave parts.
apparently his balls aren't made of steely hatred so she sends him packing.
here's hoping he doesn't go running to the police.
i mean constable.
porquita and sisters are having a kiki upstairs in the bedroom about what a total bitch mom is.
"i'll bet our mom is the only mom who uses real eyeballs at a halloween party! "
"how embarrassing! "
it seems as though they are plotting some sort of revenge but the kiki gets interrupted by delphine telling the girls to get their asses downstairs and to be more festive.
not sure if delphine has a pair of extendable ears but i guess she heard what the girls were discussing and sends for 2 big slaves to bring the girls into the attic..
one gets tied up bastien style, another gets a cage and a broken leg so she'll fit better and the other gets a cage and a mouthful of shit later.
back to present day halloween..
zombies are still waiting to eat faces.
and cordelia's acid eyes are revealed to a possibly concerned fiona...
i say possibly because mike planted a seed in my brain that he thinks fiona is the one who splashed acid in her face.
hmm...she has motive.
fiona flips out on a doctor.
fiona flips out on people more than anyone.
except maybe me (says mike).
back at the school the girls are closing all the blinds and turning off all the lights so as not to....make the zombies angry? ummm....create a mood? not sure what kind of logic this is. but whatever.
nan is following luke around like a lost puppy.
marie is doing some hovering.
luke goes outside to confront the zombies because he thinks they're just trick-or-treaters (in some seriously on point costumes).
the zombies are just standing there...
until marie gives the order from her hovered state to "begin"..
and then all zombie hell breaks loose and they eat some trick-or-treaters
nan comes outside to save her boyfriend..
anyone else notice nan has a smile on her face even when she's dragging a heavy-ass boy through a sea of zombies?
back in the hospital of horrors...
fiona seems to be out of pills.
so she wanders down the halls (of the creepiest looking hospital ever) and finds the medication room.
she's like..oh..here..i'll just take these...(plooop ploop)..
and then she chases them down with the most adorable flask that there ever was.
i guess those pills were rapid release...
because she starts wobbling down the hall and hallucinating.
a weird, old, naked dude hugs her and tells her it was her fault that cordelia gots a pizza face.
she escapes that horror and moves into another dreadful situation..
she wanders into a room where a young woman lay bleeding on the bed.
there's a dead baby near her.
fiona asks if the baby was still born or died after.
seems an odd question.
a dead baby is a dead baby.
it's no matter to fiona though..
she grabs the baby and hands it to the mother and tells her to hold it and love it and other heartbreaking shit and then she puts her hands on it's blue head and leaves the room.
she supreme'd that baby back to life.
so there are several layers of meaning here, yes?
did fiona throw the acid on cordeila and she is now wracked with guilt?
or is she just wracked with guilt and sad over her life choices and how she could have been a better mother?
back at the zombie party..
zoe is distracting the zombies from eating nan and luke by banging some pots and pans together.
meanwhile borquita is tap, tap, tapping at the window...
delphine goes to let her in because mothers and their babies.
which is a mistake because zombies kill things.
meanwhile filch takes queenie upstairs to her room after zoe tries to get him to take her to the attic, filch has a hand and head seizure of epic proportions.
so the bedroom it is!
chiquita makes her way upstairs and tries to eat filch and then queenie.
queenie slits her own throat which makes chiquita's throat slit only dirt comes out.
but then stab stab in burkita's back.
delphine managed to escape the zombie choke hold downstairs, unexplainably.
delphine gets her with a fire poker.
and then she gets a case of the sads.
meanwhile out in the zombiepatch..
nan is carrying luke with an unprecedented amount of strength and, of course, a smile..
but the giant gaping stab wound in luke's back slows them both down.
the zombies gain on them and then zoe comes out and starts chainsawing heads and bodies, same raimi style..
she starts swinging that thing left and right, sawing heads off, torsos in half, it's awesome.
but then i guess the chainsaw loses it's juice and she goes down..
she throws up her hand like crocodile dundee when he puts that yak to sleep and says some kind of "be in your nature" shit and the zombie goes down..
marie exits levitation mode and exclaims "there's some real power in that witch house now".
is zoe the supreme?!
back in the hospital hank shows up and he and fiona have some words..
he tells her to "go sleep it off" (burn) and she tells him "you're one step above the men in front of home depot". (SUPREME burn)
fiona tells him he's got 15 minutes and that it'd be best if he leaves quietly forever.
or he can leave her way.
it stands to reason that we all want to see him leave her way.
raise your hand if you want to see him leave her way.
hank sits down and says some "i'm here now" bullshit and he places his hand on her hand and her eyemarbles pop open and she has these visions of hank's fuck fest.
so because she can't see anymore she can totally SEE!
also that's what my cat's eyeball looked like before we had to take it out.
also also her face looks like my 5th grade cafeteria pizza.
i loved that pizza.
actually i would still totally eat that pizza.
just not during this scene.
ok i would still totally eat that pizza while watching this scene.
it was that good.
delphine tries to commiserate with fiona about how they are totally just sad moms who made some mistakes.
fiona's like, no thanks, maid!
just then the council shows up...
i'm gonna speed through this last bit because i'm pretty sure my computer's about to blow up. yours probably is too..
ok so the council try and revoke fiona's supremecy..
fiona's like SIT DOWN!
myrt's like ok.
fiona's like you threw acid in cordelia's eyes because your hand is all burny.
myrt's like no i didn't.
fiona's like also look at this fiona hate shrine you made in a hotel you stayed at under veronica lake's character's name in some dumb movie.
myrt's like lies all lies!
pembrook is like burn the witch.
little dude's like yeah, me too burn her.
myrt's like fine, fuck this shit anyway.
so at the most well dressed witch burning in history..
but then what's this fuckery?!
queenie feels guilty for making myrt's hand all burny.
fiona's like but you could be the next supreme.
up in the attic filch readying the room for a tea party...
after spraying the room down with an entire can of glade, he goes to get his "friend" out of the box for which she's crammed into only she's a little stiff to say the least so he accidentally rips her arm off.
misty finds myrtle looking like a hot dog that's been left on the grill too long.
she necromances her and her eyes pop open.
uh oh fiona.
this episode certainly did not disappoint.
at one point mike even said, "this is my favorite season ever."
do you think zoe is the supreme?
i think they are taking us on a wild goose chase.
i am curious about who was it that burned cordelia's face.
common sense would say it's marie or one of her minions.
but she seems to work alone.
here is my favorite fiona scene...
i'm having major issues with this new blog format and recaps.
bear with me folks. i am about ready to go postal over at squarespace.
seriously this recap took about 4 hours longer than usual.
but let's not end on that note....
just know that i think the recaps are going to have to have less images.
help me to feel less stabby by unleashing all your theories and shit.