thank you all who left me birthday wishes!
it was a great birthday.
very UN-birthday like.
those nails were something else.
it was like i was edward scissorhands.
i couldn't do anything for myself that involved the use of my hands.
but they sure looked good.
the commercial was for a thing called decluttr.
which i think is some kind of organizing software.
there will be print ads too so you can tear them out of magazines and throw darts at them or create a carrie mathison style abu nazir tack board.
go get those magic markers and prepare for your color-coded meltdown, haters.
now, on to AHS...
i thought this week's episode was pretty good.
campy as hell but enjoyable.
i think i have myrtle's zingers to thank for this.
queenie is murdering for marie.
stealing hearts to make her a better witch.
and i don't care about this story.
fiona wants to live out her days with her boyfriend but not til she finds out who the new supreme is.
cordelia is still angry and hates her mom's stuffing.
gross, who puts raisins in stuffing?!
i find it hard to believe that fiona would ever put raisins in stuffing.
apples, maybe....but raisins?
fiona doesn't strike me as a raisins type of witch.
myrtle is FOR SURE a raisins type of witch.
kyle is playing with a leap pad for toddlers.
he grunts and kisses a lot and manages to figure out how to tell zoe he loves her thanks to dora the explorer.
madison is jealous.
guess she can feel sadness and jealously.
myrtle manages to pull herself out of the dirt in enough time to tell misty that there's a man outside the cabin with a gun.
later the two of them flee to roblahblah's and cordelia has a hot flash while touching misty and offers her protection.
patti lupone gives luke an enema. (so so fucking wrong)
later she gets shot to death by the gunman.
cordelia touches the silver bullet and realizes who it is.
or does she?
i was confused.
i mean we all know it's hank but does she?
nan rushes over because she can sense that luke is in trouble.
and here is where i want to change my mind and declare nan the supreme.
honestly i think it's either nan or cordelia.
nan was at the house when madison caught those curtains on fire...so maybe it was nan and NOT madison.
neither one of them really knew what happened.
they assumed it was madison, right?
also, she opened the door with her mind.
did you catch that shit?
in the beginning it was fiona who told all the girls that nan was "smarter than all of us".
but then when luke got shot up nan was begging for supreme powers so i guess if she was the supreme she would have been able to find them to save her boo.
or it's cordelia and i'm not sure why i feel this but i think she is a viable option.
or it's stupid zoe.
downstairs the witches in la isla bonita costumes, are doing some kind of sacred ceremony to hasten fiona's death.
they trick her into suicide.
fiona is ready to go to sleep forever because she foreshadowed her future and she looks like gollum.
but then spalding comes in and is like...no! you can't die.
you've been lied to!
so he shoves some ipecac syrup down her throat and she voms.
FOR THE 400TH TIME THIS EPISODE!
while they wait for the sleeping pills to work myrtle plays the piano.
they talk about how they will know when the supreme powers come on..
myrt says, "i hear it starts as a tingle in the cooch".
best line ever.
fiona wearing a grey garden's turban marches in and lights a cig with her powers.
and basically says..sorry bitches you're gonna have to do better than that.
and over at marie's queenie is feeding delphine still in a cage.
marie comes in and shuts that shit down.
delphine remarks that she isn't afraid of marie anymore bc there's nothing she can do to her.
she begs to be locked back in the box and marie chops off her hand.
a while later fiona and cordelia are bonding over coffee when a doorbell rings.
there's a big box on the stoop and fiona brings it inside, opens it to find delphine's head.
perfectly alive and hissing..."HEELLLP!!".
it would appear in next week's episode that the witches come together..
both within the coven and with the voodoo bitches.
so help me god if kyle gets zoe pregnant and in some kind of twilight renesme type of speeded up pregnancy zoe gives birth to the supreme i will personally gather up some silver bullets and shoot ryan murphy in the butthole.
right after i give him a clorox enema.