if you're like me, and you certainly are,  you went to bed at 10:00 bc what the shit was that last night?


here's my 4 cents (2 is not enough to cover my thoughts)..


1. peter brady looks good for his age.


2. in theory he makes a good host but in reality he confused the shit out of everyone.

 seth mcfartland is a great voice and comedic writer but lacks the delivery chops.

you gotta land that shit with confindence.

ricky gervais excels where seth fails.

i LIKE when hosts make fun of celebrities.  they need to be made fun of.  they are WAY too high on themselves and they are swimming around in WAY WAY too much money.

besides a joke is a joke is a joke.


but if you can't tell it well then you look like an asshole who hates women or irish people instead of a comedian telling a joke.

that said there is always the uptight idiot who takes shit personally and i have no advice for you because you are beyond logical thinking.


3. and that said..perhaps we need to just keep the oscars classy and good natured.

no crass jokes, no potty humor (gasp), no make out sessions with sally field...you know...old school.

i recall hugh jackman's oscar host post fondly.

i'm pretty sure he didn't make a racist joke.

and he is super easy to look at.

plus you will always win me over with dancing and singing.

which is why the boob song, while utterly retarded, was my favorite seth bit.

i thought it was pretty genius.


4. channing tatum looks like a sexy thumb. 


5. more channing tatum doing things please, can channing tatum host?


6. the musical numbers, while random, were my favorite parts of the night.

i don't care how off-key russell crowe was.

make fun of him and i'll cut you!

(russell: CALL ME L8TER)


overall the show was just...weird.


i think whatever happens next year they need to find the right person and stick with them.

part of the reason billy crystal was so awesome was he had the chance to up his game and top himself every year.  and he always did.

we need a new billy crystal.

not a duo, not a trash talker, not a random face (seth) with great writing skills.




onto what's really important.

the fashity fashion.



let's start with the best..


you could pick it apart for sure bc it is totally dynasty ring master..

but it's a departure for her (hello one shoulder) and she looks FUCKING STUN-NING!



completely perfect.

she just looked lovely.

the dress had enough edge with it's crinkly quilty-ness to keep it out of princess town.



she's never looked better.

head to toe winning.



she looks amazing.

i LOVE her dress.

so age appropriate and so sexy!




stop. it.

the cut and fit of this on her is genius.





onto the bad...

too much dress for her.

she looks like she's trying too hard and she looks uncomfortable.



i feel like i've seen this dress a zillion times.

she looked better at the vanity fair party. 




what the shit is this old lady dress doing on this tiny little bumble bee of a girl?

that hair too.



this dress makes her look enormous.

what is it, jersey?


she may as well have worn pajamas.

but the hair sucks the most.




THIS is your oscar dress for your first ever oscar win??

it's an apron in a most unappealing color.

plus is she even aware she has boobs?



doesn't she wear this every year?

same hair, same necklace, same dress?

seriously...doesn't she?

she's so fucking boring.



yeah yeah..whatver.

if you're going to go to all the effort of wearing a fancy dress, putting on some make up and making a bird's nest out of your hair you could at least allow a stylist to do that for you.

helena bonham carter is a stunningly beautiful english rose flower woman..

and she always looks like tim burton's corpse bride.

i'd like to see her look like an elegant, sexy, corpse bride.


speaking of corpse bride..


i LOVE this dress but she looks like shit.

and it doesn't fit her well.




on the fence...


i don't know...

at first i thought it was dreadful and then i kind of liked it.

there's something regal about her in it.



it's a beautiful color and a beautiful color on her.
and her hair is glorious..
but she looks like a saloon girl.
too severe with the severe hair?
i'm not sure.
she's perfectly gorgeous but...something's not right here.
it did make me rethink the whole short hair thing.
i'm so confused.
this dress is so boring to me and beautiful at the same time.
and kerry washington is so black and so white at the same time.
i love everything about this dress but the bottom.
best dressed for me?
it was a toss up between jessica chastain and naomi watts...
but i'm gonna go with...
naomi in armani prive.
worst dressed was easy...
melissa mccarthy in some flannel sheets.
honorable mention goes to..
brandi glanville and her booby smasher dress. 
what the fuck is she doing there anyway?
5 bucks says she went home with seth macfartland and rode his ding dong all night long.
not sure what happened to the spacing toward the end there, but i tried to fix it at least 40 times.