oscars
Monday, February 25, 2013 at 10:23AM
if you're like me, and you certainly are, you went to bed at 10:00 bc what the shit was that last night?
here's my 4 cents (2 is not enough to cover my thoughts)..
1. peter brady looks good for his age.
2. in theory he makes a good host but in reality he confused the shit out of everyone.
seth mcfartland is a great voice and comedic writer but lacks the delivery chops.
you gotta land that shit with confindence.
ricky gervais excels where seth fails.
i LIKE when hosts make fun of celebrities. they need to be made fun of. they are WAY too high on themselves and they are swimming around in WAY WAY too much money.
besides a joke is a joke is a joke.
in other words IT'S A JOKE LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP.
but if you can't tell it well then you look like an asshole who hates women or irish people instead of a comedian telling a joke.
that said there is always the uptight idiot who takes shit personally and i have no advice for you because you are beyond logical thinking.
3. and that said..perhaps we need to just keep the oscars classy and good natured.
no crass jokes, no potty humor (gasp), no make out sessions with sally field...you know...old school.
i recall hugh jackman's oscar host post fondly.
i'm pretty sure he didn't make a racist joke.
and he is super easy to look at.
plus you will always win me over with dancing and singing.
which is why the boob song, while utterly retarded, was my favorite seth bit.
i thought it was pretty genius.
4. channing tatum looks like a sexy thumb.
5. more channing tatum doing things please, can channing tatum host?
6. the musical numbers, while random, were my favorite parts of the night.
i don't care how off-key russell crowe was.
make fun of him and i'll cut you!
(russell: CALL ME L8TER)
overall the show was just...weird.
i think whatever happens next year they need to find the right person and stick with them.
part of the reason billy crystal was so awesome was he had the chance to up his game and top himself every year. and he always did.
we need a new billy crystal.
not a duo, not a trash talker, not a random face (seth) with great writing skills.
anyway...
onto what's really important.
the fashity fashion.
let's start with the best..
you could pick it apart for sure bc it is totally dynasty ring master..
but it's a departure for her (hello one shoulder) and she looks FUCKING STUN-NING!
completely perfect.
she just looked lovely.
the dress had enough edge with it's crinkly quilty-ness to keep it out of princess town.
she's never looked better.
head to toe winning.
she looks amazing.
i LOVE her dress.
so age appropriate and so sexy!
stop. it.
the cut and fit of this on her is genius.
onto the bad...
too much dress for her.
she looks like she's trying too hard and she looks uncomfortable.
i feel like i've seen this dress a zillion times.
she looked better at the vanity fair party.
what the shit is this old lady dress doing on this tiny little bumble bee of a girl?
that hair too.
this dress makes her look enormous.
what is it, jersey?
flannel?
she may as well have worn pajamas.
but the hair sucks the most.
seriously?
THIS is your oscar dress for your first ever oscar win??
it's an apron in a most unappealing color.
plus is she even aware she has boobs?
doesn't she wear this every year?
same hair, same necklace, same dress?
seriously...doesn't she?
she's so fucking boring.
yeah yeah..whatver.
if you're going to go to all the effort of wearing a fancy dress, putting on some make up and making a bird's nest out of your hair you could at least allow a stylist to do that for you.
helena bonham carter is a stunningly beautiful english rose flower woman..
and she always looks like tim burton's corpse bride.
i'd like to see her look like an elegant, sexy, corpse bride.
speaking of corpse bride..
i LOVE this dress but she looks like shit.
and it doesn't fit her well.
on the fence...
i don't know...
at first i thought it was dreadful and then i kind of liked it.
there's something regal about her in it.
Reader Comments (32)
Perfect post ms. Jenny! My only point of conflict is Charlize...I truly wanted a 3some with her and Channing last night. To me she was exquisite! Made me want to buzz cut my hair in the worst way. Poor Brandi. She already has our sympathy and support but it's quickly turning to pity. WTF??? Finally, I actually loved Seth, Rihanna jokes and all. But I agree they need someone new who can grow into the job. Jamie foxx has taken a serious turn of late, he may have the right balance.
Poor Melissa McCarthy, she's funny witty and smart(although did NOT get that intro w/Paul Rudd at all) and THIS is what her stylists (assuming she had one) put her in? SHAME. and couldn't agree more with comment on Kerry Washington. I want to like her but that voice has such an affectation to it. The show itself was BORING, love McFarlane, but I think no matter what people want to think, these people take themselves way to seriously and its not really fun to watch.
A+ review of a D- minus evening. Snoozeville all the way around.
So much last night made me cringe, we actually dvr'd that shiz so we could skip the boring stuff. I really dislikes Seth and his sexism was super uncomfortable. I can take a good joke but I thought the boob song was sort of objectifying and wished they had done like the bum song or something and called out both sexes.
In terms of dresses, although different in shape, Anne reminded me of gwynnie's pink satin she wore when she got her Oscar. I still loved Jennifer Lawrence in that red Calvin Klein, hair down look... I this was pretty but it doesn't fit her personality for me.
Best dressed for me is Naomi, a little different and totally stunning. Also Adele looked gorg, nothing out of the norm for her but loved it none the less and loved the shout out to her man"
On Reese Witherspoon it is the damn black strip, but without it - it is the same fucking boring shit as always. UGH hated Salma Hayek - and Meh on Charlize Theron's dress, but love the hair. Seriously, Brandi??? Icky. And I am SOFA KING over that idiot from Twighlight. Ugh.
Naomi Watts 100% killed it! Love your commentary- it's spot on!
xo Nancy
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Spot on, as you knew you would be! Thank you, thank you for the Peter Brady reference; couldn't agree more.
didn't watch it, but have to agree with the Naomi choice as best dressed! have to disagree about my girl crush Jennifer Garner. i think that color is stunning and i love the back! i googled her previous Oscar looks and didn't see anything like this before. that dress on Brandi could have been pretty if it weren't for the WAY too small top! her poor boobs.
Spot on as always. That Oscars intro was abysmal. Why did they make it 20 minutes long or whatever?? Just get on with the show and that way it won't last till midnight. I actually fell asleep at some point (missed a lot of awards and singing - didn't see Jennifer Lawrence win/trip till this morning) then woke at the very end to see Michelle Obama give Argo the Oscar (thought that was a bit over the top too). Agree about the dresses and Brandi. WTH? Why was she there? Weird. Fitting for a weird night. Uggh, the Oscars need to get their shit together.
Didn't watch, didn't care. I chose to indulge my thrifting addiction instead. Seriously, though, wtf were some of these people thinking? Pretty sure I could have scooped up a couple of sheets this weekend to make a better dress than some of them. IDK. I'm not that into the Hollywood display of shit. I just want to find amazing junk.
Much Love,
Trissta
I think Im the only person in the universe that gets Seth McFarlane. Ricky always seemed so miserable, at least seth was happy and having fun!
We agree on a lot. Naomi watts... best dressed for sure!
*sigh* I just wish strapless would go away. Amy Adams dress looked like it had turned gray from being on the clearance rack at Kleinfeld for too long.
If you are still thinking of going short....consider the Kate Lanphear look. Short...but with hair.
I have a slight crush on Seth Macfarlane, the boob song is funny because it's true - we saw your boobs - so don't take yourself too seriously. That being said, his hosting was too awkward so I agree with your assessment.
I thought Amanda Seyfried looked good, not her best but didn't mind it. With you on the rest.
The whole thing was weird.
If Monday had a face, I'd punch it over and over and over again.
The start of Anne Hathaway's speech: "It came true" vomitvomitvomit-gagmegagmegagme-punchherintheFACE. Could not agree more about the dress... you're going to win an oscar and you choose THAT?? Jessica Chastain was best dressed for me, partly because it was such a huge improvement from her Globes dress and hair. wtf was Brandi doing there? hahaha
Couldn't agree more-Naomi's dress was incredible. But I didn't watch the Oscars because I'd rather watch something more entertaining/suitable to my attention span and just catch the dress highs and lows the next day on blogs.
What is the black thing hanging out of Melissa's dress? She looks like Ursula from the Little Mermaid.
nicole- you're right gervais does seem miserable but not in an unhappy he's there way, just in a general way. but i love his brand of humor. seth's delivery was apologetic and i can't abide by that.
if you're going to say it...SAY it...don't shrug your shoulders and apologize for the jokes after you land them. nothing worse.
Who or what is the name of the girl from the Twilight movies...can never remember her name...and maybe it isn't worth remembering anyway...but
WHAT A STONER! REALLY?! Is she the next train wreck to come out of Hollywood?
The whole evening was different, but I have to say I enjoyed it...Seth's off-humor and his presentation was funny once you got used to it...it made you have to think for a minute...
LOVE LOVE LOVE when Barbara Streisand was humming and came on stage and sang...STILL has that beautiful voice...
OhMy..been waiting for this post! You don't disappoint. We are on same page. I couldn't seem to pull my eyes from the sea of narcissism and millionaires vomiting pretention and praise upon each other. First, my 8 yr old and I both at the same time called Naomi bestest on the carpet. Did Fi pick? My 2nd/3/4th was Halle, Stacy Keibler and Jessica in no order. They all smoked the carpet. Worst? Brandi MammaryGlandville is disgusting. Melissa McCarthy, who I LOVE, sadly looked like Meatloaf with that hair and that unseemly sad gray dress. Kristin Stewart is a close third with that well-dressed, bored junkie look. She's a freaking actor but boredom seems to be her only look.Fave moments: Babs singing (despite the fact that she looked like she was about to read someone's fortune), One More Day, BOOBS! Ms. Hudson. The rest of it was bollocks especially all that Chicago bullshit.
I feel bad about Melissa McCarthy looking like a billboard. Who told her to wear that? And WHY THE F was Brandi Glanville there anyway? Ugh.
http://thegystofthings.blog.com/
Charlize Theron is channeling Brigitte Nielson a la 1985. I loved her look but all my friends, even my teen-age boys hated it. Both boys, ages 15 and 16, "She's pretty but I don't like it when girls have short hair like that." I think it's in their genes. . If I could have my dream haircut it would be like hers. Naomi Watts dress is so weird but you're right, it looked perfect on her.Salma Hayek looked beautiful but injured in a Nefretitti sort of way. Kerry Washington's dress was gorgeous but to prim and proper for her. It looked kind of like a little girl's dress, or a debutante's, or something other than what I would have thought she'd wear. I HATE IT that Melissa McCarthy didn't look better because I hate that she's gotten so much shit in the media about being overweight. I love her and think she's hilarious and brave. I kind of liked Seth. The sock puppet spoof on "Flight" was the highlight of the night for me.
Naomi and Selma were my favs. I HATED Anne's dress. It looks like something I tried to make when I thought I could sew. Plus when she was interviewed on the red carpet, I hated her even more.
excuse me - not one comment about Renee Zelwegger?? What is SHE on? And what has she done to her FACE?? Frightening!
i missed renee bc i went to bed. no idea. what was she doing?
AMEN SISTER!! To everything.
I didn't watch this crap, but I want to do it with Naomi Watts a la Mulholland Drive.