downton recap: scaaarrrry bates

let's go ahead and start off with the reason for the season…or at least the reason we hate love this season. 

anna and bates.  well, at least they resolved the secret of the rape before the melodrama reached a fever-pitch.   but now it looks like bates might have a spin-off show:  murder,  he hobbled. 


mrs. hughes caved under the pressure of being responsible for bates leaving anna and downton forever.  personally mrs. hughes, i would have called his bluff.  like he has anywhere else to go.  except to maybe murder everyone.  but at this point i am certain mrs. hughes would rather eat her own farts than have "one more pear-son speak to me aboot their problems".  (that was me doing mrs. hughes for you) 

but i'm not sure why or how anna and mrs. hughes agreed to blame the rape on a random intruder.  this makes absolutely negative sense.  wouldn't the whole house be on alert if there were an intruder?!   either way..bates aims to find out who it was and i think because there was an extra jowl shake in his proclamation…we better believe him.  whew…good thing he's never murdered anyone before.  wait..he didn't, right?  

and in other news downstairs there's a new ladies maid… baxter.  where in the hell did she come from?!  she vaporized between episodes.  with a sewing machine and orange juice.   also she has apparently struck some sort of deal with thomas.  

weird to anyone else that every. single. ladies maid to cora must have some sort of relationship with thomas?

speaking of thomas…i would like a lot more of him and a lot less of everything else. 

it would be cool if the "more of him" was shirtless. 

alfred is trying out for top chef.  daisy is sad because she doesn't want to see him go, but is still helping him get there which, as mrs. patmore points out, is a mark of true love.  she right.   but much like mrs. baxter, daisy's obvious love for alfred seems to have materialized right before our eyes.  wasn't she just moody daisy last week?  her period must be over. 

mrs. patmore still doesn't like things from the future, but when mrs. baxter's magic sewing machine repairs her apron better than new, she lo-5's carson's nuts. 

some yorkshire hillbilly has died and lord grantham, in the first smart thing he's done since never, has decided to let the son-of-a-hillbilly stay on the land and he DOESN'T tell mary or tom,  who decided to kick him out and farm the land themselves.   rude. 

speaking of mary…i found a copy of her dress order: 

hi.  i need some dresses in these colours: 

lavender, orchid, lilac, plum, bruise, wine, amethyst and mauve. 

make them shapeless too. 

thanks.  LMC. 


lord gillingham has gone and gotten engaged to the honorable mable lane fox. who is clearly 97.  you snooze you lose lady purple dress. 


edith has a doctor appointment in london.  oopsie. looks like we know who's going to be pregnant.  sadly edith can't seem to locate her baby daddy.  i think he's probably preoccupied with hitler.  can we please not let edith be pregnant?  because UGH!  pregnant single lady is so boring.  can't it be gonorrhea?  or type II diabetes? 


i think it was kewl of julian fellowes to bring back the dowager/isobel bickering.  because maggie smith is funny or whatever. 

the children aren't dead.  that's good. 

tom wants to move to america.  he better not.  i still have high hopes for tom and mary grinding one out on the moors.  she would get pregnant again and name the baby matthew.  full circle. 

i know what you're thinking..."but what if it's a girl?"   lady matthew, duh. 


did i get everything?


spill it.