hey ding dongs! let me get this recap done before the icicles start destroying our city.
this week had me on a ferris wheel of stupid delight. from mary's scrambled eggs to edith's pro choice choice.
poor lord grantham. does he have a say in anything? everyone pretends to care what he thinks but in the end, no one does.
the only good thing about this story line is the impending screen presence of paul giamatti and thomas barrow getting a taste of american boys. here's to hoping there's a little more gay and a lot less rose in the last few episodes.
where did my mary go? she's certainly well over her mourning in this episode. apart from her purply presence, she's downright goofy.
from her sassy "all those handsome stewards strutting down the boat deck" to her barnyard shenanigans. WHO IS THIS MARY?!
she also has quite a few suitors. i managed to track down her suitors' cover letters.
suitor cover letter #1:
i would like to audition for the position of "mary's suitor".
here are my top qualities:
i like pigs. i hope you like pigs too.
i am sometimes super condescending about everything. i hope you can find that endearing and are still able to cook me eggs with pig pewp on your face.
i like eggs. a lot.
i also like women comprised of mostly just bones and i like it EVEN MORE when those bones are covered in varying shades of mulberry. or pig-blood colored if you're from the moors or are a pig man.
i also like to choke bitches during sex. i promise you'll love it.
also look at my butt-cut. it brings all the ladies to the moors.
i am good at everything. i can eat whatever i want. but i especially eat bacon. and pussy. just kidding. i am funny a lot of times.
i once took a pig's virginity. see? FUNNY! because WHO HASN'T?!!
suitor cover letter #2:
i would like to audition for the role of "mary's suitor".
here are my top qualities:
i like boys.
don't pick me because i like boys.
evelyn napier (the one who likes boys)
suitor cover letter #3:
i would like to PLEASE MARRY ME I LOVE YOU!
try not to get scared by this look on my face.
it is with the greatest sincerity that i say to you mable died of natural causes and not by suffocation of the mouth and nose while she was sleeping.
alfred the exotic ginger comes back from cookery schoolery because his dad's sick.
this causes patmore and hughes to literally get diarrhea.
baxter is giving me shades of mrs. danvers which is good because that's what o'brien used to give me and this show is nothing if not a story/character regurgitator.
tom goes to see a political rally and for one second when he asks mary to join him i choked back bile in excitement. but sadly he sits down next to what is probably his future wife. really JF? this is how this is going to play out? you're just going to write tom off as living happily ever after with some like-minded girl? UGH!
edith is gonna keep her baby. who knows what will happen here. will she go to term? will she miscarry? will gregson come back with a curious looking mustache and swastikas all over his clothes?
is it me or can you cut the sexual tension between mrs hughes and mr carson with mrs. patmore's knife?
the dowager didn't die. that's a relief. best scene was "goody goody". i rewound it 3 times.
cousin isobel is my favorite. with brochitis, diarrhea and pregnancy season in full swing she will be of great use to us all.
mrs. hughes while not pining for carson's gigantic eyebrows is threatening mr. green. and bates has finally put two and two together and figured out that mr. green is definitely anna's ruffian. here's to hoping he makes a skin suit out of mr. green.
anyone else find it odd that mrs. hughes was like...hey mr. green.. i know you're the one...so...ummm..see ya' around the halls!
i've got cabin fever already and it's not even snowing yet. let's discuss.