good job, the south

well we never lost power!!!


fun fact:  ice can increase the weight of branches by 30 times and a half inch of ice accumulation can add 500 extra lbs. of weight to power lines.


those tall, skinny georgia pines were snapping like twigs and crushing homes and power lines. 


so even though we didn't leave the house we were able to watch tv, stay warm and keep an eye on the news.


but it had me kicking myself that i wasn't more prepared, just in case, ya know?

granted, before now it snowed maybe once every 3 years here but i suspect that's just not going to be the case anymore.

so we atlantans need to be on board with winter.


and here's what i will have from here on out..

just in case.



1. liquor:


luckily i had this already.

next time you are snowed in pour that shit into some hot chocolate.

 i was jacked up on adrenaline all day. 

this stuff calmed my nerves like a valium or xanax would have.

plus i feel better about a shot of bourbon than i do a pill.

though if i had had a xanax i would have taken it too. 



my hot chocolate recipe:

half and half and coconut milk (1 cup each)

3/4 cup chocolate chips.

pinch salt

1 tsp. vanilla extract.

melt chocolate into milks in pot on stove.

whisk till melted and combined. 

 add salt and vanilla.


pour into 2 mugs.

add bourbon.





2. warm clothes:




i have none of that stuff.

basically nothing waterproof or warm.

playing in the snow around here lasts about 10 minutes because everyone's fingers and toes are in the early stages of frostbite. 

also, usually by the time you get all that stuff on the snow has melted. 


1. thermal underwear for fiona.

what self respecting parent doesn't have these for their children?

parents who live in formerly tropical climates, that's who.


2. winter boots for fiona. 

target brand uggs aren't going to cut it anymore.


3. a giant penis coat for me.

this will warm my whole body! 

and i will look so much like a dick that i can't help but be pleased. 


4. fleece pants!

i want a million pairs of these. 


5. winter boots for me.

see #2


6. patagonia zip up.

to keep me warm inside and look like the most pretentious asshole in the process. 


7. a warm, waterproof coat for fiona. 

her lightweight jacket isn't cut out for snow play.


8. waterproof, warm mittens for us all. 

just the addition of these alone and we will be able to make snowmen that won't look like giant piles of white poop.


bring it on winter!



3. a portable generator:


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because why not?! 

a luxury, but just knowing i had that would have a huge effect on my resting heart rate. 


4. portable heaters:



less expensive than a generator and a great way to heat your house if you don't have a fireplace.

this one runs on batteries but there are also propane powered heaters. 



5. a portable burner stove:



we actually have one of these but i included it because i was somewhat excited about the prospect of cooking on it. 

it's essentially just a gas burner like you'd have on a gas stove. 

we have a charcoal grill but in the event that it's impossible to start the grill due to heavy snowfall or rain this is something you can take onto your porch and not worry about setting the house on fire. 

general necessities to have for smart preparedness:

1. flashlights.

2. batteries.  

(all the kinds and plenty of them.)

3. water for drinking.

4. matches. 

5. fuel for heaters.

6. gas for car.

7. food. duh.

but items that can be stored without refrigeration. 

here's a great pantry list

if you can boil water you can make a ton of shit with ingredients from that list. 


8.this book and this book as inspiration

(i ordered them this morning)

9. hard boil your eggs before the impending storm.

then get ready to eat a shit load of egg salad

10. stock up on paper plates, napkins, plastic utensils and cups.

but then only use that shit in an emergency because GLOBAL WARMING!

11. candles. 

i buy the giant pillars every time i am in ikea. 

12. ice.

for the coolers.  

the internet told me that coolers full of ice to store your perishables is safer than your fridge after a few hours. 

i think that about covers it. 

while i feel certain that having all of these items on hand almost makes me want this to happen all over again just so i can punch a storm in the dick...

i am so    ready     for    spring. 

i predict march 21st for us in georgia. 

and i obviously know everything now.