well. in a nutshell that was the longest 17 hours of my life.
that shit was boring.
dear god the categories. so many categories!
and i stayed up to watch the whole thing.
about 3/4 of the way through i was just too far in to turn it off. i was like muse in captain phillips. i was going to GET THAT FUCKING LIFEBOAT TO SOMALIA IF IT WAS THE LAST THING I DID! and i didn't care who died (my soul) in the process.
(also it took me 3 hours to fall asleep because i couldn't get the song "happy" out of my head)
in addition to the ice age that was the middle portion of the show i felt like i had to endure far too many musical numbers. and commercials. and ellen selfies and ellen in general.
all the winners that i predicted would win, won.
which just adds to the boring. i wish fassbender would have won and derailed the jared leto train. i personally thought fassbender in 12 years a slave was one of the most nuanced and powerful performances ever. don't think you would have gotten lupita's performance without his. and while i thought cate blanchet had one of the best performances of her career, meryl's performance in august osage county had me on the floor, dead.
gravity won all the technical awards.
and 12 years a slave won the important one.
but this happened:
which might have been worth all the time that i spent in hell trying to get to sleep.
i tweeted this last night:
"throw ewan, fassbender and leto in a room and lemme at em."
yeah. pretty much.
but for good measure throw in jesus... i mean bono.
also i'd like matthew mcconaughey in there to stand on the sidelines and analyze it as detective rust cohle.
and throw in ellen's pizza because SEX HUNGRIES!
ellen as host was dull. she is a better host on her own show. what happened ells?
john travolta called idina menzel "adele dazeem".
bill murray thought it was 2013. but his mention of harold ramis was touching.
lupita's speech blew the lid off the joint.
matthew mcconaughey gently and respectfully guiding kim novak through her moment on stage made his sex appeal go up 416 notches. i am in full support of the mcconaissance.
so on to the fashion:
as i said everyone looked really pretty. no real tragic misses unless you count liza minelli's cobalt ensemble a miss.
i call it a WIN! because as far as i am concerned that's what you do when you are probably wearing depends and you don't really know where you are. wear some bright colored satin shirt-n'-pants from the mccall's collection with sensible shoes. and add a blue streak to your hair too because FUCK everyone. take some pills, smoke some cigarettes, hide some scotch in your bag and have a good time. you'll be asleep in a few hours anyway. may as well enjoy yourself in your pajama set. and a bonus is you can totally sleep in your outfit.
best looking couples:
hands down the best looking couple of the night. of the ever. i seem to be the only one that likes brad douchey hair.
2 perfect wedding cake toppers.
he just keeps getting hotter. she is gorgeous but because her baby bump remains the exact same size at 3 months as it does at, what...12 months now?... and she is overall abnormally small for a preg, i don't owe her any awards. (her baby bump was my baby bump at 6 weeks.)
in addition to those men being part of the best looking couples i have to hand them all the best dressed men awards too.
the other best dressed dudes:
the perfect amount of style without being too weird.
pretty sure if i saw this in person i would faint.
i didn't love the red bow tie at first but it grew on me. that hair though. i'll bet it smells like roses and caramel.
these ladies looked real pretty:
i loved her dress on her but her hair was too severe. i wished it were looser and sexier. that body though. she looks like a fancy secretary. which isn't probably what you're going for at the oscars.
it was raining so unfortunately the bottom was wet, and the dress wrinkled up a lot but other than that she looks beautiful. her hair especially.
she looks like a goddess. the hair, the make up, the jewelry, the dress...so beautiful. BUT...i don't love all the tone on tone on tone happening here. i like cate a little less princess-y.
this is SUCH a charlize dress. and she looks stunning, but the pointy things just distract me too much. it's a little too wicked witch in a disney movie. i would not want to stand next to her though.
eh. i think it's the hair. i wish she would have done something else with her hair. i think that's what is killing this for me.
at least it's not pants.
usually with awards shows i like to pick the dress i would have loved to have worn. this one is it. not sure if it's vintage but it sure looks like it. she looks like outstanding.
super pretty. her hair seals the deal for me. she's just adorable. sidney bristow 4 life.
ok, now the worst.
forget the stupid wizard of oz shoes and striped tights..
the dress is exactly the same thing julia roberts wore to the golden globes as if interpreted by a pirate.
the fuck is this nonsense?
this is my worst because in case you don't know...
this is margot robbie.
remember her from the golden globes?
this is just a major disappointment . maybe the dark hair is for a role?
i just don't think she looks nearly as good as a brunette.
but that dress and those drawn on eyebrows.
she could have done SO SO much better.
she missed a glorious opportunity.
and now my favorites...
apart from the lung cleavage she looks like a motherfucking princess in the best possible way. it was her night. didn't love the headband but i didn't hate it either.
amazing. the best red carpet moment ever for her. i honestly can't stop staring at this picture. there is nothing to fault. nothing i would change. if it weren't for the perfection of lupita this would be my best dressed hands down.
i am sure some people were just meh about this, and i get that but for me she looks head to toe perfect. it's not mind boggling or extraordinary or anything... but the hair...i LOVE. i love that it's down and looks stylish without being stiff (amy adams and jennifer lawrence), there is some structure to it. not easy to pull off. she is so tiny too and nothing here overwhelms but it's big and bold at the same time. i love the shoe and the bag and that is a hard cut of dress to pull off. she did. and her make up is perfect. so i guess in a way all these elements together are what make this a winner for me.
but lupita wins. her speech. her smile. her happy dance. she was the night's star.
and here is the dress i wore to my oscar party...
the dress is carmen marc valvo and the earrings are kenneth jay lane. bracelet is target.
i went rent the runway and can only encourage you to do the same.
i did a reverse smokey eye via this tutorial and it will be my go to smokey eye from now on. super easy and pretty.