i never intended to be gone this long i swear. but it felt good to not blog while i ate everything and drank everything over the holidays. maybe it was the way my muffin top folded over my pajama pants while i sat at the computer. maybe it was the way it felt REAL good to lay down in my bed sideways, drooling onto my pillow while i scrolled through instagram logging in about 6 hours of screen time a day. also it rained a lot in december. and i turned a year older. and so did fiona. and christmas. and ugh. oh! and my computer broke. so i am working on my old computer which is the reason i got the other computer so, yeah, it sucks too. all this complaining to say that we have reached january 2019 and i know i’m in the minority here but i low key love january.
i love the way the trees look. like veins. i love the darkness and fog. i love the hope january brings. it’s when i am most inspired.
i think of all the things i want to do and make happen. it’s a time for manifesting and planning. a time for resolving to make changes and just generally making things better. it’s the truest month for self care.
i am thrilled to be inspired to paint again. i was so uninspired and unmotivated for so long. that’s another blog post entirely but let’s just say a lot of it had to do with not knowing what i wanted to paint or how i wanted to paint and feeling like everyone was copying everyone else and i didn’t want to be a part of that. i needed to step back and listen. and then practice practice practice.
it feels good to be excited about creating again. i can’t wait to get back to it after the winter break. and to say that is really something because honestly for soooo long i wanted to set fire to everything i’ve ever done and pour all my paint down the drain. i have learned, FINALLY, that it’s all about the process. words i have heard countless times and understood for sure but never aligned myself with the truth of it. it clicked recently and it’s helped me SO much.
there’s a purity to january. a second chance-reborn-starting over kind of thing. it’s why resolutions are made. i am looking forward to a new year. but am really trying to lean into the process of everything. what did 2018 teach me? that’s the question i am seeking the answer to. because i just don’t think 2019 will be better for you unless you examine what made 2018 so rotten.
some things i’d like do/change…
take solo walks in nature. i just don’t do this enough. this alone will make a HUGE difference in my mental state. i practically lived in the woods as a child and it’s where my imagination was at it’s peak.
2. instagram stalking. this addiction is out of hand. i don’t stalk one person per se. i think i just generally fall down rabbit hole after rabbit hole after rabbit hole. and not only does this suck up a lot of my time it doesn’t do much beyond making me feel like i’m not as good as or good enough or pretty enough or young enough. and how is that a good thing? comparison is the thief of joy and all that.
3. get back on the IF train. that was a crucial component to my best self over the summer.
4. marie kondo more. everything from my cookbooks to my garage is on the list.
5. paint like it’s my job again.
and of course i am kicking off the first week of january with a no sugar no booze cleanse.
what about you? what are you changing?