9 swim suits

net-a-porter is having an up to 70% off sale. i always need a new swimming costume as my body seems to grow every year. despite my best efforts. thanks menopause. there are loads of fantastic one piece-ers to choose from. bikinis too if that’s your vibe. my boobs look terrible in bikinis because of their enormity. i have yet to find one that lifts and separates the girls in a pleasing way. i prefer to smash them down with a one piece. here are my picks- but do look around as there are some really great deals. sizes go quick so get on it. also i read recently (cannot remember where) that some 20 something influencer had over 100 bathing suits. so take that as permission to add to your collection.

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les girls les boys red straight edge suit - this color is wow. also i really love this straight neckline. it’s most flattering.

petra tiger print bandeaux suit - i’ve had my eye on this for a while. it’s 40% off. i’m just not sure the weight of my boobs could handle it. it’s just so great tho.

lavender ruched suit - i think this is fantastic. the color, obv. my fave. but the ruching is a tummy’s bff. also the butt cut is my favorite. i like a lot of cheek out there. comes in red and black too. it’s 50% off!

metallic wonderwoman suit - go ahead girl go ahead get down. i’ll bet this sucks you in just right. so shiny. so yes.

solid and striped red checked suit - LOOOOOVE. this is the edgier gingham, yes? perfect butt cut. just enough cheek. it’s also 50% off.

solid and striped belted suit - this looks soft and comfy. probably not a lot of suckage but real cute. cute with jeans too. in fact quite a few of these could do double time as a bodysuit with jeans moment.

loveshackfancy floral suit - SO pretty. the print, the shoulder ribbons. would look extra pretty on a dark skinned someone. or just a nice tan. i’d look like the underside of a dead fish.

delfina striped sequin suit - if you’re going somewhere fancy….ibiza maybe? club lohan? but i fully support you if you wear it to the country club. take a pic for me.

dvf green leopard suit - such a pretty green. leopard without being too leopard, know what i mean? you’re not lisa rinna.