RHOATL666- the worst recap ever for the worst show ever..

 i may have said it before, but this show makes me truly embarrassed to be from atlanta.

well, let me rephrase that...it makes me sad to think that this is a representation of atlanta women.

there, that's more accurate.

you ready?

ready for pathetic whores on parade?

ready for moose stampedes?

ready for nasty phaedra?

ready for more indication that these bitches ALL hate each others guts?

i hope so.

here we go...

 

kim and kandi have some kind of bullshit terrible show to do in miami.

cynthia has a fashion show to do in miami.

the girls decide to make a trip out of it and celebrate cynthia's pending wedding to that thug, peter.

kandi and kim take a tour bus down to miami.

 nene wants to be on the bus.

 

buses are terrible always and forever.

when you can avoid being on a bus, do so. 

 

of course nene and kim have a fight..

as usual nene threatens to beat kim's face in..

 

nene violates everyones personal space with her big ET finger..

the issue was that kim brought sweetie, her personal assistant.

it was supposed to be just the girls (the girls who clearly all hate one another)...

this angered the moose and she retalliated as only a moose can do.

with violence and aggression.

moose's are scary motherfuckers.

kim, too drunk for reflexes musters a, "ge'chuur feenger owa my face n e e n e e e e!"

nene then called sweetie a slave.

the scooby gang caught wind of this upon arrival. 

 

kandi threw around her usual stinkeye..

which translates to 'why in the hell do i hang around with such hoodrats?'.

fly above kandi.  fly above. 

 

kim tries to convince herself that she doesn't treat sweetie like a slave..

some one else did that too...

sweetie tells us she couldn't be a slave bc she gets paid.

(in cigarettes)

was anyone else uncomfortable with the world slave?

it made me cringe.

nene and her big moose balls.

 

 

once inside kim gives this guy a beej..

to say thanks for letting me and these ungrateful bitches crash at your creepy place for a few days.

kim makes no bones about thinking this guy is attractive.

that's bc she wants us to think she WANTS to give this guy tons of beej's instead of HAS to give this guy tons on beej's.

 

 

after a few meals filled with awkward silence and more moose outbursts, the girls head out to cynthia's fashion show

cynthia is stunningly beautiful..

 

but she is super sad on the inside..

my guess is that it's bc she doesn't love peter.

but we soon discover it's bc peter is broke. 

the pretty girl knows she can do better than broke.

 

here's how the rest of the show goes..

nene: let's just leave.

cynthia: ok.

nene: no, really i think we should just change our flights and leave.

cynthia: yeah..ok...i do have some things to do..

 

she by sheree: LEAVE?!?  ain't nobody leavin'!  we came down here for YOU.

cynthia: yeah. ok..i'll stay.

phaedra: i got some hot sexy strippers comin' tonight and i ain't gonna miss some giant dick all up in my face.

kim: beej beej beej

 

then phaedra gets nasty with her stripper friends. 

equally nasty i might add.

sweaty guys flinging their dicks around is not sexytimes for me personally.

after it's all said and done cynthia says thank you for making her stay, she ended up having fun for 2 minutes.

which is better than zero minutes i guess.

 

scenes for the season finale indicate that perhaps cynthia leaves peter at the altar (the fernbank dinosaur museum altar). seriously. it's a dinosaur museum.

 

let the discussion begin.

 

things

 this delights me:

to no end.

thank you windsor smith for being awesome. 

 

and

equally delightful but not nearly as classy:

rhoatl's kim zolciak's laser fat removal pizza party


how come i haven't been recapping this shit?!

eating pizza while a magic laser erases your fat?!

duh.

i'm in.

 

interesting fact:

sheree's new agents at the people store are my agents too.

why yes.

i am excited for the day when we are up for the same part.

 

question for you.

what percentage of you are interested in housewives recaps?

i ask only bc recapping these shows takes a tremendous amount of time and effort and i don't want to do it if you could give a shit.

(i will probably still do it anyway)


love and laser farts,