happy mothers day..

 thank you for birthing me..

i know how hard that shit was...

i also know you bled out your V for hours..

lots of blood that you had to go into the emergency room for and get it all stopped up or you would have died..

sorry about that.

i come with power and force. 

being a mom to a girl is hard.

i sometimes laugh at mom's who have boys.

it's different.

even the love is different.

it's hard to explain...

and i do know that raising boys has it's own share of difficulty and impossiblity..

but..

girls?

the hardest.

fo sho.

 

so, sorry for being a pain in the ass.

dramatic.

ridiculous.

mean.

hateful.

and disrespectful.

 

you should know that i get it in return 10 fold.

(this is her nice face)

 

happy mother's day mom.

i sure do love you.

thanks for all that you have given and given up for me.

 

and to all my mommy readers out there- happy mother's day to you too.

i hope your kids are nice to you today,

bc that's really all we want at the end of the day.

 

dear blogfest 2011

it is 4:39- oops make that 4:40 PM on a wednesday and i am on my second glass of shiraz.

what's that mean?

it means i'm awesome.

 

what's my point?

let me break it down...

blogfest 2011 is approaching and i keep getting tweets telling me there are only, like, 5 spaces left.

five spaces left?!?!?!

what the FFFF, is justin beaver going to be there?!?!!!!

 

well blogfest people, i totally want to go!!

b/c

 a.) my new BF newell turner will be there (way better than beaver)

b.) this shit is happening: and i really wanna hear this.

 

and 

c. a lot of really really cool people that i totes wanna hump respect will be there...

 

but once again i am light in the wallet.

farttts!!!

it's only 100 dollars and that's not a lot of money to some people and i could probably swing it in a week or so,

but right now that may as well be 1 million dollars.

but if you could "reserve" a space for me that would be awesome.

 

need proof that i am worth a free reservation?

exhibit a:

i have a crown.

that = importance.

 

exhibit b:

i have cool "friends".

 

exhibit c:

i grew that. 

 

exhibit d (for drunk):

no explanation necessary i feel.

 

ok then.

lemme know.

 

charity farts,

***my friend susie just informed me that registration is full.  all we can do is be put on a waiting list.

shitbutts.

 

easing you into tuesday, cozy style...

 home from work yet?

fuck that place!!!!!!

let these spaces hug you.

caress your weary soul..

this monday was a slap in the bitch box. 

a steel toed boot in the butthole..

you need these rooms..and pie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

here's to hoping you made oprah money today.

or..

you can at least come home to warmth and a big glass of wine.

 

lovemeat,