happy mothers day..

 thank you for birthing me..

i know how hard that shit was...

i also know you bled out your V for hours..

lots of blood that you had to go into the emergency room for and get it all stopped up or you would have died..

sorry about that.

i come with power and force. 

being a mom to a girl is hard.

i sometimes laugh at mom's who have boys.

it's different.

even the love is different.

it's hard to explain...

and i do know that raising boys has it's own share of difficulty and impossiblity..



the hardest.

fo sho.


so, sorry for being a pain in the ass.





and disrespectful.


you should know that i get it in return 10 fold.

(this is her nice face)


happy mother's day mom.

i sure do love you.

thanks for all that you have given and given up for me.


and to all my mommy readers out there- happy mother's day to you too.

i hope your kids are nice to you today,

bc that's really all we want at the end of the day.


dear blogfest 2011

it is 4:39- oops make that 4:40 PM on a wednesday and i am on my second glass of shiraz.

what's that mean?

it means i'm awesome.


what's my point?

let me break it down...

blogfest 2011 is approaching and i keep getting tweets telling me there are only, like, 5 spaces left.

five spaces left?!?!?!

what the FFFF, is justin beaver going to be there?!?!!!!


well blogfest people, i totally want to go!!


 a.) my new BF newell turner will be there (way better than beaver)

b.) this shit is happening: and i really wanna hear this.



c. a lot of really really cool people that i totes wanna hump respect will be there...


but once again i am light in the wallet.


it's only 100 dollars and that's not a lot of money to some people and i could probably swing it in a week or so,

but right now that may as well be 1 million dollars.

but if you could "reserve" a space for me that would be awesome.


need proof that i am worth a free reservation?

exhibit a:

i have a crown.

that = importance.


exhibit b:

i have cool "friends".


exhibit c:

i grew that. 


exhibit d (for drunk):

no explanation necessary i feel.


ok then.

lemme know.


charity farts,

***my friend susie just informed me that registration is full.  all we can do is be put on a waiting list.



easing you into tuesday, cozy style...

 home from work yet?

fuck that place!!!!!!

let these spaces hug you.

caress your weary soul..

this monday was a slap in the bitch box. 

a steel toed boot in the butthole..

you need these rooms..and pie.









here's to hoping you made oprah money today.


you can at least come home to warmth and a big glass of wine.