design turd episode 2: what the fuck IS this bullshit?

watching this show makes me feel and say things like this:


this week the turds had to design an apartment based on a bunch of terrible looking clothes.

they had to work in teams.

men vs. women.

let me start off by saying this...

when i decorate a room i certainly don't do it based on an outfit.

and never one a gay lumber jack would wear,

or some yoga pants.

who is coming up with this bullshit?

that said...i think if i did get the gay lumber jack outfit i might try to do something like this:

not this:

these are casey's and tera's "designs".

casey got the gay lumberjack and tera got the thug wear? teenager clothes? meth addict?

what the FUCK IS THIS SHIT??!?!?!

as i sit down to write this i am ever so confused, much like mugatu in the clip.

first of all it is hard to judge the designs when in the photos you can't really tell what the fuck is going on or who did what. 

let's just start from the beginning..

ok so the turds line up in front of a runway.

genevieve tells them, doing her best corpse impersonation, that they are to design a whole apartment base...wait a minute i already told you this....see?

crazy pills.

but the best part is that the winning turd will be featured in REDBOOK magazine!!!!



does anyone read redbook?

besides my grandma?

nina seemed to think that that was a huge career maker. a "dream" even.

after each turd picks their "outfit" they're off to start planning the space.

nina takes the lead starts telling everyone what to do.

no one likes it but nothing is said in protest.

as in "fuck you nina you're not the boss of me!!"

that's what i would have said.


does anyone feel like they have seen her somewhere before?


let me think...she just looks like someone and..i...can'

!!!!!!!!!! i got it !!!!!!!!!!

glad that's out of the way..


so alex picks a wedding dress and proceeds to give us a straightjacket:

for good measure and bc pajamas=bedroom lets park dan's pajama inspiration mannequin next to the bed cell and paint the walls pink and style them (scarcely) with a bunch of useless knick knacks.

and who doesn't love a rumpled throw on the end of a bed?

it's just so real life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


bloggeremily picked a pink suit and gave us this:

cute. i love the pig. and all the shiny brass and gold elements.

although in the show it was nina who picked the pink rug not emily.

and it is killing me that there isn't a red something in this room.


and here we have a perfect example of why this challenge is so fucking stupid...

notice all 3 mannequins..

michael's leopard outfit, courtland's business separates(?whatwouldyoucallthat?) and trentkenneth's tommy bahama tool outfit.

never in a million years in real life or fake life would you have those 3 inspirations working together in the same room. it's just fucking fartknocking bullroar is what it is.

now mind you courtland won with his striped wall inspired by

and if i weren't so confused and dumbfounded by this whole shitfest i would be downright outraged..

do you wanna know who i think should have won???

this one:

yeah. i do.

here's why.

tom took the stupidest of stupid all time gayest outfit to inspire a room and created a nook that looks..

(mind you with better lighting and a rug)

 like a perfect interpretation of that heinous sportswear!!!

just not getting the umbrella stand on the windowsill.

punches for that tom.

mismatched iconic chairs=good.


back to the losing team...

the girls.

stacey took the whole day to paint a chair.

terribly i might add.

that is the shittiest paint job on furniture ever in the history of forever.

1. it took her all day.


2. it is the saddest, dullest worst ever color and finish.

it's obvious she used leftover paint from somewhere and she took a GORGEOUS chair and made it look like it has fucking smoker's lung.

not only that but this little scenario has NOTHING to do with that cute lily pulitzer dress.


and then there's nina's bug mural

based on that gorgeous beaded dress!!

"CO-CHURE" mandice called it.

ahhhh....bohemian chic...

when i think of bohemian chic i think of this woman...

what would iris apfel have done you numbskull???

i damn sure know she wouldn't have attempted to eek out a gold bug on a black wall after looking at that dress.

if it were me...

i would have gone for gorgeous fabrics and a Moroccan vibe done in a casual way.



so the bottom two this week were

mickey rourke and tera for painting her room this fucking abysmal shade of yellow.

ultimately tera went home.

sorry tera. i know you stood by your yellow wall. stating to us all that "it's ok to paint a room yellow". and you're right it is. but not the nasty yellow of that tshirt your meth head mannequin is wearing.

it's sickening.

especially in the glare of fluorescent lighting.

i'd like to know what person looks at that color and says, MAN that's a pretty yellow!!!

i would dare say 2 people in the whole entire world tera.


one of those people being my 5 year old bc i say it sucks and she like to be the opposite of me.

plus i think you were supposed to be inspired by the outift and perhaps the PERSON WHO WEARS the outfit.

the person wearing that outfit probably decided if they were gonna rock their air jordans with their loony tunes applique jeans or their rocca wear jeans while cruising the local mall trying on cologne and looking at 12 year old girls.  it's a lose lose situation tera.

vern wasn't buying it either tera.

vern is a little bitch isn't he?

i love it though.

at least he's not embarrassed to be there like genevieve is.


at the end of the day this show is a fucking joke.

these are not feasible design challenges.

no one would take 6 outfits and mesh them together to make one apartment.

just like no one would furnish an entire room from pearl river.

so in that respect you have to cut these turds some slack.

SOME slack.

on the flip side of that is that the producers/judges are trying to see who can take the shittiest of situations and create something that is liveable, tasteful and modern.

i think this show will get better as the numbers wear away.


lets hear it..