delicious delicious chicken


you should know that i have some cookery skills..

also i have grill skill.

i believe you should know about this chicken.

it is easy and delicious and perfect for the 4th..

or any day you want something that tastes awesome.


we are big chicken eaters in this house.

mike could and would eat chicken on the grill every day of the year.

i make a lot of different grilled chicken dishes but this is hands down the favorite in our house.

and it's really easy.


make sure you have at least 2 hours prior to cooking for marinading purposes.

(8 hours is best but 2 still produces delicious delicious chicken)


 the marinade:

you probs have all this shit on hand except for the chili oil and it is totally not even necessary.

you could throw in some red pepper flakes or extra black pepper if need be. 

-olive oil



-chili oil

-herbs (such as rosemary, thyme or oregano)

- s&p



whisk all the marinade ingredients together and set aside.


 now get on to preparing your bird..

one whole organic chicken rinsed and patted dry.



turn him over so you can access his backbone.


you are now going to remove the backbone..


take your scissors and start cutting the shit out of it from the bottom of one side of the tail (the little tab looking thing at the bottom) up to the top.

this is called spatchcocking.






once cut up one side proceed with cutting the other side the exact same way.





remove the backbone and throw it in the trash or save it for stock purposes.

whatevs. your call.



expose the crime scene.



flip the bird back over and press down on the breast until you "break" the breast bone. 

you should hear a small pop.

essentially this is so the bird lays down flat for even cooking.



put him breast side up in a shallow dish.

pour the marinade over and rub it all in..


i added the herbs at the last minute bc i forgot to put them in initially.

no biggie.



cover with plastic wrap and refridgerate for 2-8 hours.



grill preparing..



a word about grilling.

i only believe in charcoal grilling and i only believe in using all natural charcoal.

that other shit makes your food taste like ass and chemicals.

gas grills work fine and i know a lot of people swear by their gas grills..

so whatever...make this anyway.

shit, make it in the oven too. 



i always start my grill about 1 hour before i actually put anything on it.

this is so its inside radiant heat is about 375-400 degrees.

also i do a hot side and a cold side.

in other words pile the coals up only on one side leaving the other side cold.

obviously the other side isn't exactly cold but the hottest heat part is far enough away that you won't be charring the bird and drying it out.


once you're ready place the bird breast side down over the hot side, close the lid and walk away...

no really...walk away.

resist coming back out every 2 minutes to move it.


keep him breast side down, lid closed for 5-8 minutes.

he should come away easily from the grill without sticking when you are ready to flip him.


and he should look like this:

now move him to the cold side of the grill and walk away again..

this time for longer.  

don't come back and flip him back over.

he should remain on his back for the rest of the cooking time.

once during cooking i come out and turn him around, but never do i turn him over.

depending on the size of the bird (this one was about 3 lbs) the cooking time is between 45 minutes and 1 hour.

this 3lb bird was ready after 50 minutes... 

 the legs should move freely and almost fall off and the juices should run clear.

keep in mind charcoal grilled food will always have a pink tint to the meat..

this is from the smoke.

if the juices run clear and the legs move about freely on the bird, then it's done.

pinkie swear.


 now..serve that shit up with some homemade potato salad and some motherfuckinggreenbeans..


here is the recipe for copy, pasting and printing purposes:

- 1 3-4 lb whole organic chicken. rinsed and patted dry.

- 1 lemon.  its zest and juice.

- 2 cloves of garlic, minced either through a press or a chopper or with your knife.  small mince is best bc it equals more garlic flavor. what you want in a marinade.

- a few dashes of chili oil or a pinch of chili flakes.

- 3 tablespoons olive oil.

- 1/4 c. chopped herbs (i used rosemary and oregano)

-1 tsp kosher salt and pepper to taste.


mix the marinade ingredients into a small bowl.

set aside.


now get your chicken spatchcocked!

flip him over and flatten the breast bone with your hands. 


put him back in the dish and pour the marinade over the top.

 cover and refridgerate for at least 2 hours and up to overnight.


prepare your grill.


take the bird out of the marinade and lay him breast side down on the hot side of the grill.

close the lid and walk away from the grill for 5 to 8 minutes.


once he is ready to flip (should come away easily)

flip him over and move him to the cold side of the grill (away from the hottest part).

let him cook, lid closed for 45 minutes to one hour depending on the size of the bird and the heat of your grill.

his legs should move around and almost fall away from the body.

put the chicken BREAST SIDE DOWN on a clean platter and cover loosely with foil for at least 10 minutes.

this last step is very important.

breast side down will ensure that all the juices run back into the breast keeping it moist and delicious.

i always salt it a little more before i cover it..and this time i use sea salt.




let me know if you make it..

and if you have any questions regarding the cooking don't hesitate to leave a comment or email me directly..


word to your bird.



holy shit it's friday

as stated earlier i am painting my french doors black this weekend. 

preparations have already begun.

good news is i can basically paint away without worrying about the glass bits.

a razor blade is going to be my friend in this later on.

surely the only other person who utters those words is charlie sheen. 


happy friday fuckers.


may your weekend bring you a bit of this:

or this:



for sure this:

and these:


i love you.

and will update with pictures of doors as soon as they are done.




in my head i weigh the ways in which i am most certainly not awesome with the ways that i definitely am the most awesome..

for example:

for the last few days when i wake up i notice my hands smell like pizza.

i google it:

sadly, no one else seems to have this problem.

so now i am just pizza hands without answers.




mike has an abscess on his lymph node. 

today he had it drained...


this was the text conversation..

me:  are you there yet?

mike:  waiting...

me: ok let me know when he sees it.

mike:  ok.

me:  also send me a picture of the pus.


not awesome. 

but yet, so so awesome. 

(*i did not receive a picture of the pus. sadface)



i went to the mall today to get a few last minute gifts for my mother in law, mother, brother..etc...basically everyone else but fiona.

and after walking what seemed like 40,000 miles from the parking lot to the entrance and then perusing anthropologie for about 7 minutes i decided i was too hot and needed to get the FFF out of there.

shopping fail.

so now i have to go back tomorrow where it will be even more full of shopping failure assholes like myself.


here is where i am awesome:

christmas morning i will bake these for my loves:

recipe here.


then for christmas dinner i will make this:

accompanied  by these:

recipes here and here.


fa la la la fart,