if this makes you puke then i did my job. if not then you must have your own house of poop to deal with.

everyone says their husband's shit smells the worst in the universe.

but i am here to tell you that nothing compares to the assfire of rotten dead animal with diarrhea on top 

that comes out of mike's butthole. 

 

and the worst part is his toilet is close to where i work and where my nose is.

so i am literally sitting in a cloud of gag inducing shitvomit smell for at least 45 minutes...

the smell is slow to dissipate, hilariously!!!!!

 

and i don't give a shit if you're eating.

i don't care if this is too much for your senses.

deal with it.

i have to.

 

while you sit in your glorious smell-free cubicle of life please know that in order to bring you the prettiest

pictures i can find i have to endure the smell of a 1000 dead bodies covered in dead body diarrhea with diarrhea butt sauce.

every single GD morning.

 

 

here you go..

just mah summer house..

 

 

just the tub in mah summer house..

 

 

just mah winter house..

 

 

enter.. throw your shit (gently) on my platner..

 

we meet through there for chestnut roasting and congnac sipping around 8:00..

 

 

casual fireside dinners every night..

need a basket?  i got you covered..

 

 

feel like readin a book?

this is my favorite spot.

 

 

this is where i sleep.

don't worry you get pratesi linens too...

 

 

your cozy sleeping quarters..

mary and baby jesus got yer back.

 

 

marble encrusted tub for your bathing needs.

 

just don't go in after mike.

 

 

 

i won the lottery, got published in a magazine, got cast in an episode of glee (i kill gwyneth's character) and i lost 5 lbs!

just kidding! fuck you it's monday!

 

 

actually if i'm being honest (and i always am) i did get sort of published in a magazine.

it's this magazine:

you can read it all here

 

it's a cute magazine. 

very bloggercentric..

lot's of people you know and read...

in fact you are probably in it too.

it's full of cute rooms, cute tips, cute recipes and even cute money tips for money idiots like me.

overall there is a lot of good shit in this magazine...really.  

i am seriously going to read at least 3 articles in it and i cannot say that about ANY OTHER ONLINE MAGAZINE!

in fact this will be the first time i take my laptop on the pooper.

 

anyway..

my little desk area is on page 56 and it's part of  the example on how to combine contrasting elements..

like a chrome and leathuh chair with a frenchy desk.

tips!

 go read it and improve your monday.

see you on the pooper!