the camillculator. RHOBH recap

camille grammer is a calculating bitch.

 she is the "little professor"


she is a jacked up casio:


camille's calculations:


crazy psychic medium + alcohol = asshole time.



chef + pizza oven = delicious pizza.



rock of love bus sized martini glasses + alcohol + bitches = showdown.


this episode starts with the camillculator having lunch with fishface taylor.

(aware that camille is fishy in face as well)


this is also calculated.

no one actually likes camille.

anywhere in the universe.

but she has to tell someone that she wants to continue the drama in the form of a dinner party.

so fishface it is!

(fishface. duh.)


camille wants to have a dinner party with all the ladies present and a few of her closest ass kisser friends.


here's why.

drama is what makes this show watchable.

without it it would be unwatchable.


so the whole episode revolves around this dinner party set up.

only camille realizes she needs a few people in her corner bc 100% of the other housewives think she is a  calculating bitch with serious paranoid delusions about herself.


so the rest of the housewives agree are contractually obligated to go to this crazy bitch's house to drink her alcohol and hopefully poop on her floor.  


there is no pooping but i'm sure if we had given kim enough time she would've:

(huh? where am i?)

after a few Precious sized drinks..

things just started to get weird.

first of all camille invites her "friend", allison dubois, a psychic medium.

she is the medium behind the show medium.

and not only can she talk to dead people, predict divorces and 'head tap' your ass..

she is also a gigantic cuntface...


at least kyle was smart enough to know that this whole dinner was going to be an ambush

and since kim's brain has escaped to witch mountain by way of quaaludes..

kyle knew better to bring her own back up friend.

that friend being faye resnik:

yeah, i didn't know who she was either.

apparently she was friends with nicole brown simpson.

big fucking deal.

now she's friends with kyle.

camille made a big stink about pretending to not know who she was but that she recognized her from somewhere...and then BLAMMO!  



and faye was all:

and then she was all:

and kyle was all:

 and kim was all:


and then stinky allison dubutthole dropped a psychic bomb on kyle saying something like her marriage sucked.

and kyle was all:

and camille was all:


and a calculator was all:


and then kim (still on witch mountain) picks a fight with fishface 

and kyle gets the sadmads and then fishface stands up and says in her best self defense class voice,


 "ladies don't act like this".

and then they make their exodus.


but wait!

as if it couldn't get anymore sadlarious..

kyle sends kim home in a limo all by herself while kyle, lisa, fishy, adrienne and faye take a seperate limo to the BH hotel for more drinks.

the end.


this post was powered by giggy vanderpump: