schmantel

lookit! my mantel! it is quite pretty in person. and the buckets are a viable alternative to the stocking. but i am going to get some tags and make some numbers or something like this.

peace on earth fuckers:

i also went on a hunt for some fake snow so that i could fill the fireplace with it and create a gay village like martha did under her fake tree. you know the one with the little deer and bottle brush trees? anyway, i went to michael's and pottery barn. no snow. so right now there is a white hydrangea plant in there. it works. but i am still looking for the snow.

mantel party

i always struggle to find the right mantel decor at christmas time. it's either good on paper bad in real life or i just can't make up my mind. i like it simple best, not a fan of the red and green usually. and i mostly dislike candy colored christmas too, unless anna spiro does it. but even still it wouldn't be right for me. for me i usually get some spruce and juniper garland from the nursery and plop it up there, add some candles and call it a day. i will more than likely do that this year too and i'm ok with that b/c it works for me. my real issue is those damn stockings. i hate them quite frankly. they are usually heinous anyway..all puffy with penguins, santa's or frosty's. i am going to do something different this year, like stocking buckets. or some such coolness. here are some mantel's that caught my eye..

this only needs slight modification to make it festive and my vote is for fluffy piles of fake snow and a few green branches:

lookit jen ramos's mantel...i love what she did this year. it's so simple and so gorgeous. her tree kicks ass too. those lights work so well b/c of the modern lines of her fireplace and the golden goodness of that mirror. i think this is my favorite mantel i have seen in blog land this year. way to go jen ramos!

i love this tree...why do not the homey D trees look like this? but that stocking-on-a-clothesline bullshit would be way too ghetto in my house. it would be ghetto in your house too, so don't do it. it only works in laura ingalls' house here:

simple, sweet...love:

meh...it's cute. probably really pretty in person. it seems like it's trying too hard.

holister hovey's frontier christmas:

here's a before and after from country living:
this is too cutesy for me. i liked it better before...maybe with some greenery added or some big globe lights.

this is pretty for red and green:

sweet jesus!! where did the fireplace go?!!

rita konig decorated this for the waverly inn in NYC. it's all fake. it looks cool though, like a secret garden.

not christmasy at all but i love it ever so much. the magenta logs are super duper:

this is a crowd favorite...simple, not so christmasy and should an intruder try to steal your christmas presents you can impale them with one of those horns:

maybe i'll just throw this up there and call it a day:

i am working on this today so i will most likely have reveal shots tomorrow. don't get your hopes up though.

***this just in...lonny part deux launches (lonnches??) in 18 hours. there better be a mantle for me to copy miCHELLE!!!!!!

hmmmm....

there is a lot of real fucking ugly going on here. i think we can all agree on that. for starters i would throw that band-aid on the floor out the fucking window. ok, that's better. next up would be those airplane seats fitted with walkers..yes, you have no business existing. whoever thought to upholster you in seatbelts and leftover casket blankets should be executed immediately. not really sure what that dining table is all about but it wouldn't surprise me if it was a billiards table.
the picture next to the door is hung too high. the pink sofa table is too low.

in fact i would go ahead and torch everything in this room and start over...except for the dog. him i would keep. i would spank the hell out of him though.

you're a heart breaker..dream maker and sometimes cookie baker...or a cocktail shaker. that's one helluva-gal!

for my birthday my friend anna gave me this card: offensive and delightful is the company that makes it. i have compiled a few of my favorites:

for that single douchebag you know:

a viable apology, one i most likely would appreciate:

wouldn't you rather receive this one instead of a boring old "congratulations":

because so few of us actually try to get pregnant:

preferred over "bundle of joy":

i need a pile of these for giving:

amen!:

thanks anna for my cool card!!

a little more thanks

i am pretty sure i was able to personally thank every last one of you tramps who blogged your ever lovin' heart out about me. i am still on cloud nine (even if its a mucous-y feverish cloud and i think my left lung might collapse) about it. and to those of you who came over to the coolness via one of those blogs i thank you too for all of your birthday wishes. i am so humbled by all of it, honestly. so as most of you all know my husband is a rock star supreme. in fact his new name is mike anderjesus. well his efforts to make my birthday spectacular didn't stop with the blog party heard round the world...nope. he had been trying in vain for 3 weeks or more to get us a table at woodfire grill aka kevin gillespie of top chef aka yukon cornelius's restaurant. on the day of our pending dinner (saturday) they called with a cancellation. mike was number one on a wait list. he had charmed a few people (as he is ever so good at doing) and we ended up with a private room. yukon was so gracious and sweet, he even created a special dish just for me b/c i am a vegan now and don't eat the meat or the dairy. and it was delicious. of course. he also created a special dessert of pears poached in red wine with some kind of cardamom sorbet. it was also delicious.
although i left hungry. BALLS!!!!! it's ok though, it's hard to make a filling vegan dish on the fly. you need some beans and shit to do that and that shit takes time..i don't blame the red monk at all. what he did make for me was heavenly. all of kevin's food is local, organic and sustainable. he made for me a trio of woodsmoked vegetables; brussels sprouts, carrots and beets all bathing in a cranberry smear of something delicious:

the meateaters really had it good though...seared loin of beef with some roasted romaine and turnips and a smear of something delicious...

also there was duck with bacon roasted lentils:

and more luscious beets. srsly i could eat a pound of beets every day. just like dwight schrute

ok..so as if that weren't enough..mike also contacted my most best friend ever anna (who lives in LA and i see maybe once a year if i am lucky) and made (yes made) her come to town to surprise me. and she showed up at the commercial shoot i did on friday. that was the best present he could ever give me. if any of you have a best friend who lives far from you then you understand just how awesome this gift really is.
she and her husband loren went to dinner with us (they are also major top chef fans) and i had such a great time that i never wanted it to end...

she's got huge boobs too. in fact we were doing our best padma lakshmi and gail simmons impersonations. in fact i told kevin if my little vegan quickfire challenge wasn't up to par he would have to pack his knives and go.

there's mike anderjesus floating in the back there like a virgin mary sighting:

that's anna's awesome husband loren:

it was such an awesome birthday celebration. i am the luckiest girl in the world. and from now until the beets no longer make my poop red i will be gently reminded of my glorious dinner with yukon conrnelius and my best friend and best guy.

the next day we went to get a christmas tree which is pretty much a tradition on my birthday.
it was colder than donkey balls:

this is our special tree:

we got it home and couldn't start decorating b/c all of our lights were broken. that never goes over well with the under 5 crowd. you might just as well have told her there was no santa claus.

but we all went over to nana and poppa's house (my parents) for a vegan birthday dinner just for me. so lucky so lucky so lucky to have these people.

there was a delicious celery root soup with diced apples and chive oil:

there was also a pepper crusted portabello mushroom with mashed potatoes and a roasted tomato bearnaise sauce that was also delicious and i have no picture. but moms made a vegan banana cheesecake:

supermike was not so into it...frankly none of us were. it was kinda gross.

but there was also vegan chocolate cupcakes that were yummy. thank you mom for all that effort to make me happy. i love you so much!!!

again, so many thanks to everyone who made this the most special birthday ever. i will never forget it.

*update...celery root soup recipe from mom here

what the??!?!!!

clearly!!!!

when i woke up this morning and turned on the ol trusty lap top ( i used to think it was lab top by the way. talk about a design tard.) and saw my 2nd grade picture and then SEVERAL pictures of myself i thought i was dead. it didn't take long to figure out what was really going on...what a guy, huh ladies????

i can't thank you enough for what that meant to me. as pathetic as it sounds you guys are my friends. in a way, ya know? i feel protective of you and i would probably beat a face in for you if i needed to. when any of you are down or facing pain or tragedy i feel it too. and i say prayers for you and all that too sometimes, when needed. i rully do. so to see your efforts to make my birthday special is enough to make me cry a little. you all make me feel special enough anyway when you comment and tell me i am funny, or i made you laugh or what have you...that is always a gift. and THIS...this is..just...icing on the cake!! so thank you. thank you very much. i fully intend to thank each of you individually but i wanted to get this out there...so in the mean time lets enjoy some cake:

in a place like this:

and lest you think i forget...mike...for you i give you this:

for enduring my endless obsession with robwerd cullenson and for loving me in spite of it and for putting this birthday surprise together. you are my hero. so go and motorboat those boobies...

so far 40 is kicking ass.

sea bass.