design star- double elimination means bizness. and that this shit is over sooner.

Gabriela Eisenhart August 24, 2011

you would think that given the opportunity to design their own space without having to concede to someone else's shitty design would mean less shitty design.

well you'd be wrong.

it was raining poop and pee and farts and sharts and suede couches.

kellie just won a million dollars!!!!

just kidding she just saw the hgtv'd truck.

hgtv'd truck=b'hole herpes.

are you ready?

the poor bastards with a house in need of decorating for free were the....sbbaasshottks?

basshhock's?

fuck i can never understand anyone's name..

i will call them the spatchcocks...

the spatchcocks aka delicious chicken heads.

the turds draw cards to see which room they get to fuck up..

the spatchcocks brief the turds on what they need/want in each of the rooms.

they have 2 little boys.

1 of them likes to party. hard.

the other one likes sports.

they need some chandeliers (plural).

someone wants bunkbeds and some lockers (here's a hint..it's not mom or dad).

someone has a record collection (that mark will make a ladder out of).

and leslie has cobras for arms..

everyone comences shopping..

mark shops for all the wood in the land..

"wood is my favorite."

day 2

mark is moving on to his masterpiece of all ladders,

made out of records..

everyone in brooklyn is hi-5'ing.

in the next room kevin is making stone look more like stone with paint that looks like stone..

paint this stone the color of stone.

leslie is..

handing over her title as design star.

but then as if things couldn't possibly get any gayer (and thankfully they always do)-

the gayest car in the universe pulls up..

(oonce oonce oonce oonce)

IT'S LORD MCGAYLORD!

lord of the gay is there for some role playing lessons.

karl pretends not to be creepy (FAIL) and david pretends he is dorothy in the wiz (NAILED IT).

day 3, maybe.

more shopping happens.

kellie can't find lockers..

crates are lockers sometimes when crates are busy being lockers.

meg shops for ottomans..

"hey jenny, you mean aaaaahtahmahns."

kevin can't find a mantle in all of new jersey..

so he asks woody for some wood..

but he's like..no wood here..

meg is running behind again..

"ha haa ha ha i better put aahn my big girl panties and hang some laahnternz.."

meg's panties.

meg's lanterns.

i would have ripped that homespun shit down immediately.

time for the guest judge!!

it's my boyfriend john gidding!!!!

and that means it's time for another edition of..

(whispers) CeLebriTy FRaGraNceS

it's called: cuntemporary modern (for him/her)

scent: spruce, freshly cut tile, spruce, DWR showroom, tom ford's ball juice, new canvas sneakers, crest

john pretends to love everything bc he is friendly and positive.

leslie's room..

jacked up letters and inabiltiy to stuff the comforter INSIDE the duvet.

cobra arms are hard.

the other side:

there is a giant soul eating monster hovering near the bed (10 points from gryffindor!)

plus there are screen printed pictures on the comforter.

i just want to understand the taste level here people.

and..

yer done.

kellie's room..

rug on an angle.

150 points from gryffindor.

plus no bunk beds=little boy tears.

mark's living/dining combo:

those rugs are dumb.

would you like some wood with your wood?

meg's landing..

3 days?

all of that shit would land in the dumpster.

kevin's family room:

kevin don't know nuthin bout furniture arrangin.

karl's master bedroom:

milquetoast.

that's french canadian for milk toast.

it'd been a whoooole lot better if it wasn't so ugly.

and it's the winner.

no you heard right.

the winner.

winning in all it's matchy blue and beige accordian blinded glory.

the loser this week is les..

neckshaft.

and..

slingblade.

but not bc his room sucked.

bc HE sucks.

seriously hgtv.

this show is sucking the shit out of sucking.

gifts for me + gifts for you

Gabriela Eisenhart August 22, 2011

clockwise:

snakeskin tray, coral tassel earrings, clarisonic mia, tom ford body oil (perfume turns on my skin but i really want it for the bottle), rose garden shea butter, chanel new fall nail colors, celerie kemble : black and white, katie ridder: rooms, tahitian glow scrub, j crew edie purse in flame & leopard

some of you requested the paint colors from saturday's post..

clockwise:

(all BM)

douglas fern, pistachio, lido green, copper patina

some of you also requested my gumbo recipe...

1 lb. andouille sausage or other spicy smoked pork sausage, sliced in half lengthwise, then cut into 1/3-inch-thick half-moon slices
1/2 cup vegetable oil
8 bone in- skin on chicken thighs
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup all-purpose flour
1 large white onion, coarsely chopped
3 stalks celery, coarsely chopped
1 cup chopped green bell pepper
3 cloves garlic, minced

3 cups okra (fresh or frozen-thawed) sliced 1/4" thick
2 quarts low-salt chicken broth
2 bay leaves
2 tsp. dried thyme
1 bunch scallions, thinly sliced (dark- and light-green parts only)
hot sauce to taste
1/4 cup hot cooked white rice per serving

Prepare the sausage and chicken:

Heat a heavy-duty 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat until hot, 1 to 2 minutes. Add the andouille and cook, stirring occasionally with a wooden spoon, until well browned, 4 to 6 minutes. Transfer to a large bowl. Add 1/2 cup water to the skillet and immediately scrape the bottom with a wooden spoon to release any cooked-on bits. Reserve this liquid.

Heat the oil in a 7- to 8-quart Dutch oven over medium-high heat. Season the chicken pieces with salt and pepper and sauté the chicken in two batches until golden brown on both sides, 3 to 4 minutes per side. Transfer to the bowl with the sausage.

Prepare the okra:

In a 10-inch straight-sided sauté pan, heat 1/4 cup of the vegetable oil over medium-high heat until hot. Fry the okra in two batches until it becomes lightly browned on the edges, 3 to 5 minutes per batch (fry undisturbed for the first minute or two until browning begins and then stir once or twice to flip most pieces and brown evenly). With a slotted spoon, transfer each batch of okra to a plate or platter lined with a paper towel.

Make the roux:

Add the flour to the oil remaining in the Dutch oven and stir constantly with a wooden spoon or heatproof spatula over medium-high heat until the roux reaches the color of caramel, 4 to 8 minutes. Add the onion and stir until the roux deepens to a chocolate-brown, 1 to 3 minutes. Add the celery, bell pepper, and garlic and cook, stirring frequently, until slightly softened, 3 to 4 minutes. Stir in the chicken broth, 1 quart of water, the liquid reserved from the sausage pan, and the sausage, chicken, okra, bay leaves, and thyme.

Bring to a boil and then reduce the heat to low and simmer uncovered until the chicken is falling off the bone, about 2-3 hours. Transfer the chicken to a plate. If you like, skim the fat from the surface of the gumbo with a large shallow spoon.

When the chicken is cool enough to handle, discard the skin and bones, pull the chicken meat into bite-size pieces, and return the meat to the gumbo. Season to taste with salt and pepper if necessary (you may find that the sausage and broth provided enough seasoning).

Serve the gumbo:

Five minutes before serving, add the scallions and hot sauce to taste. Serve in large soup bowls over 1/4 cup cooked rice per serving.

good talk.

happenings

Gabriela Eisenhart August 20, 2011

i don't fuck around.

a powerful green is in play for fiona's room.

i feel like it's shouting at me.

examples:

i wonder if i shouldn't go more in this direction:

just a whisper...

a pair of lamps got gotten.

the little pagoda style nightstands did not get gotten.

instead someone else got them.

a pair of pillows got sewed up by my super sewing mother in law.

rust velvet.

lavender piping.

greek key trim (thank you nicole).

still deciding on the chair fabric and finish.

talk it out.

friday is today

Gabriela Eisenhart August 19, 2011

i am making gumbo today.

it takes all day.

weird.

but here's to eating gumbo for the next 3 days!

gumbo.

here is some rando shit i think is pretty..

masculine rooms with a little tribal/ethnic in there also as well, too sometimes...

Gabriela Eisenhart August 18, 2011

one of my g'readers

(that's pronounced 'greeters' but it stands for 'gay readers')

which is at least 5 whole g'readers that i am aware of..

anyway..

he asked me this:

I have a request, when (and if) the mood ever strikes, would you be able to do a post or 2 that has rooms with a masculine feel, with tribal/ethnic influences?? It's harder than you may think to find these on the design blogs out there...... it's all milk washed distressed ugly cabinets, fake poorly executed French shabby chic dining room and photos of ugly babies in hand made clothing. (HA HA TOTALTOTES TRUE!)

so yes.

of course i will do that.

and you will enjoy it too bc that is a delightful combination.

this room is one kilim away from what you want.

this room is so masculine i can smell it's man musk from here.

design star- they shoot horses don't they?

Gabriela Eisenhart August 17, 2011

sorry for the delay my people.

these recaps take time and i got no time sometimes.

word.

so..

this week is just chock full of terrible design and sad, ugly surprises.

but then i guess every week is isn't it?

starting with the release of my beloved cathy out to pasture...

look closely..

don't cry cathy.

this time the turds have to design a wedding reception in 2 days.

The Bride:

contradiction.

The Groom:

this spells divorce.

once again cathy is on her high horse and begins spouting off all of her wedding design credentials:

3 weddings not including her own plus the wedding design distinction of wedding design wedding emmy.

president of weddings

cathy persuades forces everyone to let her be in charge of the bride and groom table..

and then she licks her salt rock.

karl, kevin and mark are in charge of the not victorian gentleman's lounge..

karl thinks it's dumb to have a disjointed mid century style lounge area at a victorian themed wedding.

duh. it is.

but the bride wanted an orange and yellow victorian glamour shots room,

and the groom likes skateboards and crooners.

so there's that obstacle.

if it were me i wouldn't have taken what they wanted so literally.

i would have nodded and been like...mmhhmm...skateboards..cool...ohh...uhh huh...orange and yellow..mmhmm....colors..

then i would have made a real pretty wedding reception and dina manzo's brain would have exploded into a thousand tiny, gay wedding planners and they all would have hi'fived me.

anway..

kevin don't care..

he's just excited that he can do more 50's kitsch and mark just wants to build something out of skateboards.

depsite his best efforts to creep everyone out..