you guys are the best!

a million trillion thanks for all the lovely words yesterday.

i never have a problem pouring it out to you guys over things like,

my butt, my buttzits, my vagina, my anxiety disorder,

my poop disorder.

but showing your design work on a (mostly) design blog where people are looking through their savvy design eyeballs (judging) is real scary.

not that i know i can't make a pretty room, i surely can..

but not having it EXACTLY where i want it means that it isn't EXACTLY what i want to show you.

and that can be dangerous if you're a decorator person.

but i couldn't wait another 3 months to show you what you've all been patiently waiting for.

plus this way those of you wanting to decorate your own spaces can see that it doesn't always come together perfectly and mistakes ARE made and you CAN change your mind and you WILL change your mind.

and because i am crazy for decorating i already want to change things.

somehow i can't seem to get brown and white gingham out of my head.

how sick would that headboard look in a brown and white gingham against those purply walls?!

i'll tell you one thing..

would be a lot easier for me to pick bedding.

but as i said, this room is for fiona not for me and i don't really have the means to decorate a corner of a doll house let alone a real house right now...so 

there you are.

but anyway..thanks.

i mean it.

in honor of my thanks i give you this:

 

 raise your hand if you watched all 90 minutes of this bullshit the other night and were like..

you guys seriously had to rehash last year's ramona hurt luann's feelings with her weekend mom comment!?

at a set up party no less?

that was such a bullshit flavored set up that even aviva's bag of legs gave andy cohen the (wooden toe) finger.

and i of course loved every minute of it..

here are my takeaway thoughts on this whole parade of insanity.

#1  jersey housewives are my favorite housewives.

rosie is my hero.

#2 luann looked mesmerizingly beautiful in every single scene.

#3 heather-

mario and ramona were RIGHT!

shut the fuck up already.

and if ramona is talking you need to shut your giant man face and listen.

it's RAMONA!! 

respect.

#4 heather i am sorry your baby was born with a liver condition i cannot imagine what that must have been like and a million hugs to you for having to endure that.

BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP ANYWAY!!

#5 ramona- you shut up too.

this way heather doesn't have to not listen to you.

#6 sonja- my sweet sonja.

i love you and have nothing bad to say about you.

#7 aviva- 

sorry about your leg. 

you seem to be handling it like a boss.

and you have 4 kids.

ultimate respect.

i can barely manage one, with BOTH of my legs.

#8 carole-

you seem like a no nonsense gal who maybe takes downers?

ramona and heather need a little of what you're on.

i love your hair.

why are you on this show?

thoughts on the best show in the universe?

and thanks again for yesterday.

i love you guys hard.

 

real life decorating with perks

it's fiona's room.

mostly completed.

and that is what makes this so super real life.

real life bc i never got the bedding that i truly wanted.

mostly bc i can't find anything that i like/love that i can afford.

but also bc it is hard to find anything that goes with designers guild orangerie fabric.

a fact i hadn't considered. 

it's SO specific and bright.

taking suggestions here people.

oranges and purples were too much.

pinks and blues were too much.

and it's honestly so hard to find girl bedding that isn't one of those colors or lime green.

i just stuck with what i had and added some black and white tile fabric pillows and a deep green mohair velvet pillow.

i got those pink lamps when i was going to paint her walls a dirty mint green.

except the mint looked aqua and it looked also like ass.

so the pink lamps sort of aren't my ideal.

but they look fine.

and since they were a cheapo craigslist find i don't feel bad for replacing them sooner than later.

or never. (i'm tired)

the little dresser was also a CL bargain.

i took off the day glo orange stain and replaced it with a subtle whitewash and barely there waxy sheen.

the butterfly is real (dead) and it's amazing and it comes from ben the butterfly guy on etsy. (you're welcome)

the desk makes me extraordinarily happy.

the color is so unexpected and that was pretty much what i was going for with this room.

i just didn't want it to be another typical girly bedroom.

the bench never got covered for some reason i don't remember..

life?

who knows.

either way it WILL and when it does i will surely show you.

remember it will be covered in hot pink faux ostrich.

also the curtains never got hung bc only 2 of them arrived bc of a fabric quantity snafu.

no biggie.

her blinds work fine.

but the curtains are a cream linen with pale plum ball fringe.

and as soon as they go up i will photograph those as well.

wanna know what else didn't arrive?

her photo mural like this:

 

something like that is going in that blank wall space.

in the meantime fiona hung this..

exactly.

it stays.

 

i guess it's time we talk about the perks.

i'm sure many of you are wondering how someone on such a tight budget can afford designers guild, windsor smith and custom bedskirts and curtains...

well, they are part of a deal.

a trade off.

i am trading design work and paintings for nice fabric and sewing/upholstery skills.

the fine lady responsible for the gorgeously made headboard, custom linen bedskirt and curtains, riad and mohair pillow(s) is none other than kimber from house of pemberley.

she is incredibly good and i strongly urge you to at least order some pillows or a headboard from her.

i based the headboard on the st. germain headboard from serena and lily and she delivered an exact replica.

so there you have it..

is it totally finished?

not exactly i guess..

but i'm fine with that.

it's fun adding new things as i find them.

plus decorating SHOULDN'T happen all at once bc then it just looks, well...decorated!

i decorated this room for fiona, not for me.

ok maybe the green desk was all me but that's bc fiona suggested i paint it purple too.

she also suggested i put stickers all over the wall.

settle down sally.

i think it's about taking what the kid loves and incorporating it into tasteful decor.

for example: the cat poster.

fiona is OBSESSED with cats so i found art that worked with the decor, rather than kitty sheets.

that's how you do it i think.

and i am pretty sure she loves it..

but she is already "over" purple and needs "blue".

i broke her hula hoop.

just kidding!!!

i hid it.

no i didn't!!

 all photos brian bice

yay!

 hey monday haters and embracers!

i LOVE today because it means fiona is in zoo camp!!

and that means i can work!

and thankfully i happen to love my work!

yay monday!

but not yay this:

a tree fell within inches of our house friday night.

(the images were taken saturday morning)

look..inches i tell you!!

 

 

luckily no one was hurt and nothing was broken.

and because we rent it ain't our problem!

yay renting!!

and...

new paintings yaaaaay!

 12 x 12- "your heart on your sleeve" SOLD

$85

12 x 12 "july" SOLD

$85 

 20 x 30 "the elephant in the room"

$275

first come first serve.

i'll mark them as sold as soon as they do.

email me if your interested.

yay!

sunday reflection...

i love these rooms equally...

this has been a sunday reflection.

images via house beautiful and houzz

design turd episode 1

design star season 42 is upon us and folks, shit still be terrible.

if you're new here i make fun of this show.

the lead singer of creed is on the show...

 he hasn't sung about jesus yet but i fully expect him to.

look at that chin!

also daisy fuentes is a judge.

or is she a one time only judge?

i don't really know i only watched the last 20 minutes.

(20 minutes i'll never get back)

either way..what the diarrhea is daisy fuentes doing judging design?!

no really...tell me.

does she have a celebrity line for rooms to go?

kohls?

does kohls sell furniture?

i'm losing focus.

as i said i only watched the last 20 minutes which is essentially all you need to see.

here are some of the designs..

not terrible. 

but not good either.

ok it's mostly terrible.

those sheers need to be burned in a fire.

i have to know if those porn-rape basement lights on the ceiling are for tv purposes?

 if this was my room i would have ripped them down when no one was looking.

also, i would have obviously hung a more substantial curtain.

and you know how i hate FEATURE WALLS!!!!!

that "chevron" just ends up looking like ghetto charlie brown's dollar store t shirt.

and who's the asshole who chose that green gray carpet?

shoot them.

jesus another feature wall.

i like the wall color.

and i appreeeeeciate the way the white fretwork pops off the blue.

but the scale of EVERYTHING is wrong.

why didn't anyone think to get a bigger rug?

or a few rugs to create "areas".

and why does this room have hospital tile and the other one has murder carpet?

that cowhide just looks ridiculous and what the fuck is the ottoman for?

scale people. SCALE!!!

and i guess those rapey lights are for tv.

there were plenty of "art" installations.

that little table covered in tape was my favorite of all of the everything.

i would do that.

and that's saying something.

 bless her heart.

this person has no business decorating rooms for money.

and she certainly has no business on the TV convincing people that this is good.

feature wall? check!

lime green/royal purple complete double feature wall what does it mean?  check! check!

this looks like the "family room" in a juvi center.

i hope they set it on fire.

everyone raved over the fucking moose on a black wall.

in fact i think the girl who did it is the girl who won.

excuse me...

this room is horrible.

and the moose makes absolutely no sense in it.

and that tiny tv with the framing around it is about the worst thing i've seen on this show.

in fact i think this person should have gone home.

but not before they were beaten to death.

if it were me..

and i HAD to work with a moose i would have made it more rustic and cozy.

less z gallerie meets homegoods meets hairy butthole.

don't get me wrong.

i HATE this.

but it's the best of the worst.

it's layered.

it looks comfy.

and

i love monochrome.

but this is tooooo monochrome.

throw some wood in the mix and something that looks like the earth spit it out.

however, the real problem with this room is there isn't enough furniture in it.

the 2 sofas seem to be 4,000 miles from one another.

and it would have been so much better if they mixed it up a little.

why does everything have to be 2 of the same thing?

identical sofas, identical rugs, identical coffee tables, identical chairs...

identical thumbs down..

hello.

wake up designers.

this is all hgtv is providing in the pictures department.

probably for good reason.

next week someone poops out a table and vern's head explodes.

and then thousands of tiny verns come out and dance on it   

all the while candace's penis keeps the beat like a metronome.

we need to talk about summer

last night i basically laughed in someone's face when they asked me why i wasn't hosting my own design camp.

first of all, no one would come.

second of all summer rapes parents of their freedom.

and while a design camp might be cool for some folks..

all i want to do is sit in a treehouse eating chocolate and freebasing white wine on ice while my kid hula hoops down below.

summer changes when you have kids.

it's all about them.

not you.

actually...that's basically your life 24/7 when you have kids..

anyway..

in the summer it all just gets kicked up a notch.

you become a planner and chaperone and dragon slayer of boredom.

and maybe in the middle of their downtime you can muster the energy to limewash a secretary and paint it's insides pink..

but then it's back to building a dollhouse out of cardboard.

 for my next trick i am tackling my office/bedroom..

i am going to paint my desk black.

and the walls soft mint green.

it's going to blow everyone's face off their head.

then sometime in 2015 i will paint my french doors black and move on to the living room and those F&B pink ground walls.

don't any of you go dyin on me.