the island of forgotten projects..

remember when i started some projects and then either didn't finish them, or just forgot to show you?

we'll start with the french doors..

 i have decided not to go through with painting them black.

in the den, one is painted black and one is painted white.

and i think it's kind of awesome.

yes, this may be just an excuse to leave it alone and get on with other projects bc at this point i can't decide if i want them black or white or to set them on fire breaking bad style....but for now i am deciding that it's on purpose, and very kelly wearstler.

the french doors in the dining room are still white bc i have not decided on a wall color for the dining room.

so. they may stay white. 

i am beyond thinking about it at this point.

 

a commenter mentioned yesterday that they think i should shut the fuck up about my hair and get on with the decorating.

in a way they are right, in a way (a bigger way) they are wrong.

i won't go too far into this but let's all remember this is a blog, not a magazine where people pay me to get the good shit out. 

as it is the downton abbey recaps suck the life out me as a writer for a few days, add to that the fact that i ain't got no money for a whole lot of house projects bc my kid is in private school..and...

well...i can only blog about what my brain thinks up in sometimes very last minute situations or based on what i got going on around here.

i think we can all agree that no one wants a blog that just rehashes what we're all looking at on pinterest.

and while i agree, it would be much more awesome if i had just cut my hair off like a motherfucking badass and then be all..hey look at my new short hair motherfuckahhhs!!!!  i truly wanted some opinions from some people who were going to be constructive about the whole thing. 

and while THE MAJORITY of you were (and i thank you) a few of you assholes were all..you need to address the color of your hair and you are a dick for posting about your hair.

those are the people who were the subject of my rant.

not the kind readers who offered up their best advice.

trust me, i know the difference between someone who has my best interests in mind vs someone who just wants to be hateful.

 

anyway..

moving on..

 

so TODAY i am all about completeing a project.

my den/living room/tv room...whatever...has been neglected for a long time.

it has had 4 sample shades of pink on the wall for a year!  A YEAR!!

and then varrying shades of white and cream.

i was certain i was going to paint it white.

but then i had a revelation that i probably couldn't have had had i not actually seen it in person.

i picked up fiona from a playdate at a friend's house and their tv room was a dark, cozy cave.

it was EXACTLY what i wanted our tv room to feel like.

our tv room is small.

like, toddler bedroom small.

and i think if i had painted it white it wouldn't have translated into what i feel is the perfect room to carry white.

it occured to me that i should embrace the size and make it as cozy and inviting as possible.

this notion is not one i hadn't considered...but you can look at pictures of "perfect" rooms in magazines and on pinterest and think that you know they are what you want but until you actually see it in person how can you really know?

i consider this revelation a blessing.

 

so..

yes.

we are going dark.

now the friend's room wasn't my style...very craftsman with warm reds and ochres etc..

but the FEEL.

the feel is what i was enjoying.

it just called out.."come curl up here on this sofa and watch some housewives or breaking bad".

it hugged me.

i want my living room to hug us all.

 

 

so..

what color?

navy blue?  moody blue? gray? black? chocolate? weimaraner cocoa?  weimaraner gray?  grayish blue?

charcoal black? 

 

exactly.

 

don't think for one second that every single one of those colors hasn't crossed my mind.

 

let's look at some inspiration..

 

the blacks/black-ish:

 

what i like about this is the light is similar to the light in my own room.  

i also have the same ceiling height (i know..lucky).

i like how there is a bit of mystery in this color.

is it black is it blue?

 

this is definitely true black.

and i also have a white couch so this one speaks to me.

 

 

i really want a sectional for this room.

in fact i want a sectional to take up almost the whole room.

i don't abide by that small furniture in a small room rule.

the dude does not abide.

this room is super cozy.

 

 

while i do not have the wall space for a wall of frames to disguise the tv, i do love how this room looks as though it doubles as tv cave and lounge area for when guests come over.

and i love that just about everything in here is black with white accents.

i'd love to see more of this room if anyone knows the source.

 

 

 

the grays:

 

no matter what color i chose i am going to paint out the molding/trim.

this is obviously not a tv room but i do love this color.

it's super versatile.

 

 

this is a good indication of the size of my room.

including the french doors that open in taking up even more precious space.

this room is sick!

but i think this shade of gray is too light. 

well done for not covering up those floors with a rug.

but for our purposes of cozy hug, a rug is a must.

 

 

this is a lot like my room too.

same rug (though now the cow is layered over a 9 x 12 jute)

same sofa, sort of.

same window situation..in fact i am leaning toward this type of window covering.

a black out roman.  not this fabric, i hate it. 

but this style. 

maybe.

another decision that will plague me.

 

 

 

the browns:

 

this room is very cozy for such high ceilings.

i think matching the sofa to the wall color is a helpful tip in upping the cozy factor while still keeping the room modern.  it's not an option for me at this point though.

but food for thought.

not sure about this color.

it's a reddish brown...a hard color to pull off.

but i am a fan of the browns in general.

 

 

this is a wild card.

i have long loved the feel of this room.

it's not cozy per se...but it does lend to the mood of lounging and being real real chill.

plus it's that super modern, organic look that i love deep in my soul.

but it's totally not practical or realistic.

that wall color is interesting..is it gray? is it olive?  is it brown?  is it gralive? is it brolive?

 

 

the blues:

 

mmhhmm..mmhhmmm. yep.

what is that color??  

it's fantastic.

 

 

this looks like a stain.  or a paint effect.

either way the color is mesmerizing. 

it glows. 

that painting is spectacular.

or is it a photo?

but yes to it being all one color.

i love some monochrome.

and i dig those shades.

this room has that relaxed elegance thing going on.

like.

 

 

yessssssssssss.

this color.

who what where?

i know this is a roman and williams room and they are prob one of my all time favorites..

but this color, it sends me.

but i fear in bright light it's like...whooooaaa! settle down.

this room is so thoughtful and wonderful.

 

 

so..

what say you?

 

talk to me my color wizards.

 

 

 

 

 

DOWNTON ABBEY recap 3/5 : more like cryton abbey

 

really?

reeaallly???

 

well fuck.

i mean superfuck.

i mean let's gather all the fucks there are and put them in a basket and then set that basket on fire and stick it right in our butts.

 

how am i gonna recap this without feeling like a total asshole for making fun of sybil's terrible birth hair?

 

as it is i have seen this episode 3 TIMES!!!!

and that is two times too many.

 

every scene is a set up for the death scene.

that horrible awful giant pulsating alien dickneck death scene....with extra pulsation, for her pleasure.

all i want to do right now is eat my weight in blueberry struesel muffins.  warm, with salted butter.

 

ggghhhhuuuuhhhh!!!  the things i do for you...

 

so dr. clarkson (later the only doctor that matters)  is checking on sybil who is experiencing some labor pains ..

 

 

 all normal says dr. clarkson..

 

but don't talk about lady business in front of lord grantham, he gets the verps.

how bad do you want to stab lord grantham?

 

 

meanwhile..

carson tells everyone to shut, it's baby time.

nobody wants to hear a bunch of clod hoppin servant boots up and down the stairs. 

 

 

 

daisy still hates ivy.

who cares. 

sybil dies.

 


 

cora languishes in bed with some jam and a side of serious fucking china.

she tries to convince lord g with her adorable smirk that dr. clarkson should be main doctor. 

 

 

lord g is all..hey..dr. clarkson is a village doctor and village doctors are idiots.

let's call in sir phillip doctor.

he is a doctor who is a SIR!

 

let's all recognize the fact that this whole episode is largely based on following your own intuition.

several points in the episode made that pretty clear. 

 

 

jimmy can't wind a clock.

which is a total euphemism for "i'm gay".

 

 

 

 

right??

 

 

"winding" the "clocks".

 

 poor thomas. 

this whole storyline makes me as sad as a dead sybil.

i believe thomas genuinely likes jimmy.

and while we're not sure if jimmy's gay himself (he totally is) he certainly isn't ready to be thomas's girlfriend.

and thomas is going to get hurt.

and that makes me sad.

 

 

what?  you mean the poison was in the pastry?

wait wai wai...what?

 the pie did it?!!

 

mrs. crawley asks ethel if she'd like to work for her.  

der.

 

 why, yes i would.

double der.

 

 

grumble grumble...bates...grumble grumble..

 

 

matthew tries to convince old frosty that all this extra land is being under utilized. 

 

 

hey everyone it's sir philip dr.

aka sybil's murderer.

he's like, i got this. LOLZ!!!!

do. not. worry. 

 

 

what he said.

stab stab stab.

 

 

allow me to take this oportunity to talk to you about my semen. i mean..is my semen cool?

i mean...do i have a baby in me?

FUCCK!  why is communicating so hard?

 

 

 

meanwhile... 

 hey everyone!! edith got a regular column in real newspaper!


lord g is quick to tell edith that the only reason she got said job is bc of her title.

no one seriously wants a woman writing actual words.

stab stab stab.

 

 cuz she's edith.

 

over at crawley house..

mrs. bird can't work with a woman like ethel.

 

mrs. crawley is like well then have a nice life.

 

BOOM! in your face bird.

 

ivy + jimmy, alfred + ivy, daisy + alfred.

this story line would be more interesting if something would actually come of it.

i mean, it's no "lettergate" but it still make my eyeballs roll hard to the right.

 

 

 granny arrives bc it's birthing time.

 

 

sir philip doctor has assured everyone that "old dr. clarkson" isn't needed.  

 

 cora's like, yeah but no but yeah, dr. clarkson has been our family doctor since the girls were babies..

 

edith is like i'll go get that motherfucker myself..

 

granny is delighted.

 

let's all take a minute to recognize that edith is the most independant lady in this whole house of jokers.

 

 

downstairs alfred shows everyone how to temper some eggs.

 

upstairs everyone is super bummed about having to wait for the baby to come out.

 

 

 then matthew spills the beans about edith writing to a newspaper.

 

 granny makes a sweet butthole face.

  of course she is in disbelief and goes on to say..

"when may she expect an offer to appear on the london stage".

haters gonna hate edith.

 

 

some weird looking nun arrives to announce

that it's time.

 


yay!! 

 

 

dr. clarkson emerges having examined sybil and has determined that sybil might be toxemic.

she's got some cankles and her behavior is muddled.

sir philip dr is like yeah, der. she's having a baby.

 

 

 ethel's burning some kidney souffle.

thank god.  burn the shit out of it ethel. 

 

 

the doctors are arguing.

cankles!

muddled!

 

all is as it should bel!

don't worry!

 

 

 

yep. all as it should be.

 

dr. clarkson wants to test sybil's pee.

sir philip doctor's eyes roll right out of his head and into granny's soup downstairs.

 

 muddle muddle.

 

 

dr. clarkson is convinced sybil has eclampsia and if she doesn't deliver the baby soon, via c-section, they both will die...

 

 albumin motherfucker!   ALBUMIN!


 

 sir phil is like...a c section is beyond dangerous and that could kill them both too.

there is lots of arguing over who makes the decision in all this.

is it tom?

is it lord g?

 

do you know who i would listen to?

this one-

 a mother knows all.

period.

cora (intuitively) says she would have taken sybil to the hospital hours ago.

 

it was right about here i could feel my growing anuerism about to pop.

 

 

over at crawley house

ethel brings mrs. crawley a horrible disgusting cup of tea with honey in it.

gross.

 

 

and then.. 

mary floats in weighted down only by her necklace and announces that both baby and mom are ok.

it's a girl!

whew.

for a second there i thought sybil was going to die.

 

 

 sybil is tired.

perhaps too tired...?

damn you writers!!

i'm so confused!!

 

sybil (intuitively) tells her mom to make sure tom's ok.

 

 thomas congratulates jimmy on being so cute. 

 

 

later..

there are some grade A type cheeseball camera shots, shadows and hilariously absurd music,

and everyone gathers in sybil's room who is writhing around and screaming about her terrible terrible headache...

 

she can barely breathe.. 

 

 

giant eclampsia neck.

 

oops.

 

 

 

this whole scene is too awful for words and i am balling my head off bc all anyone can do is nothing... 

 

everyone just stands there watching sybil die!

 

it's crazy awful.

 

 

 the news hits downstairs..

 

 even thomas is crying..

it's all so heartbreaking!

 

 

 

but honestly..

this scene was just too much for me to take..

you are my baby, you always will be.  always my beauty, my baby.

 

we all died a little in that moment, right?

well, if you have a girl baby you did.

i know i sure did.

 

she asks mary to tell her father to sleep in the dressing room.

ruh roh.

 

 

mary and edith are saying goodbye to sybil... 

edith wonders if sybil's death will bring them closer together.

mary says no.

 hahaha!!  thank god for mary.

she offered up some much need comic relief for me here.

 

monopoly murray shows up to talk to anna but stays to talk to matthew.

which was obviously not the right time.

 

 mary floats in and tells him so.

are we sure mary isn't a vampire?

 

 

 monopoly murray talks to bates about getting a statement from mrs. bartlett.

 

IT WAS IN THE PASTRY!!!!!!!

LOL!

 

 

granny shows up.

she hobbles in, looking every bit her age and nearly crumbles in the doorway.  she takes a moment to gather herself...and carries on. 

 

 

cora wants to write a letter to dr. clarkson to apologize for doubting his all knowing, saying if they listened to him sybil might still be alive, but sir phillip and lord g knew better and now sybil's dead.

damn.

can't say as i blame her.

stab.

 

 

 

 

it ends with tom in the window alone with the baby.

 

 

 

hard times at downton.

 

 sound off in the comments.

 

 

 

 

 

some rant, some minty and some art

yesterday's hair post was fun. (totes sarcasm)

 

still undecided.

 

i will tell you though that 

 a perm is out of the question (side eye williaint. seriously..you were just fucking with me, right?). 

as are clip on bangs and darker hair.

i'm a blonde. period.

i look much older with dark hair and like a total douche.

 

also my hair is not all one color blonde. it's got highlights and lowlights and stuff.

i post videos of myself once a week...pretty sure it's obvious that my hair has dimension.

anyway..

what's this ridiculous notion that women over the age of 40 can't have blonde hair?

or bleach blonde hair for that matter?

i can point to several over 40 women with bleach blonde hair that look pretty fucking awesome.

(naomi watts, cate blanchett, cameron diaz, elle macpherson, jennifer anniston.. not to mention the over 50's...diane sawyer, christie brinkley, helen mirren, michelle pfieffer, sharon stone and madonna)

it's down to the quality of the hair color and the hair and the person wearing it.

end of discussion.

 

 

ok..

i wanted to update you all on the minty site..

first of all i am no longer a part of minty but i fully support and endorse it's awesomeness!

 

 

 susie quillin has taken over the minty reigns and she has done an amazing job on the new website.

 

you must check it out.

 

there are pretty things to look at like this..

 

 and this..

 

the shopping has changed slightly..

the minty wares are headquartered at etsy.

but minty also sells on one kings lane.

as well as scowters and if you're in atlanta, at antique factory in chamblee.

 

if anything you need to look at the gallery page and see all the sexy vintage finds susie has and has made over.

things like this lucite and brass chair covered in KW edo fabric..

 

what???

that thing is sick.

 

so.

there's that.

viva la minty.

 

 

and new to my etsy shop..

 some paintings in lovely shades of green and blue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

here. 

 

 

ok then.

have nice weekend.

 

 

 

hair issues

if you follow me on pinterest or in text convos (only special people get the latter privilege. and by special i mean all my mentally disabled friends. which is pretty much everyone in some form or another)

you know that i have been pinning pictures of short hair.

if you've been following this blog for a while you know that i get the short hair itch about once a year.

it's always there..but it lies dormant for a spell and then near spring it emerges like a fragile daffodil.

 

well, it's nearing spring.

so it's that time.

this time around though it's bc i H A T E my bangs. 

they suck.

it's not just the bangs though..

it's really not.

it's what the bangs do with the whole of my hair.

the bangs and the length aren't playing nicely together.

sure..i can slap on some makeup and wash my hair and style it and it can look cute..

but i am NOT that person on the regular.

(i should have had this conversation with myself PRE-bangs)

i wash at night, put it in a bun and go to bed.

when i wake up i have some semi nice waves (more like humps).

but the bangs ruin everything good about my humps.

 

since it's not spring yet and still cold and i still rock my lesbian sweatshirt almost every day..

imma stay away from the pixie just yet.

plus my bangs aren't long enough yet for the short style i want (more on that in a bit)

instead i am going to raise the legth of my hair about 3 1/2 inches..

 

here are the choices i have narrowed it down to..

1.

just to the collarbone and no layers.

 

or

2.

a wee bit past the collarbone with a few face framing layers.

 

or

3.

way the fuck up there around the middle of the neck with some layering.

i obviously need about 2 more inches of bangs to pull this off completely.

 

so perhaps i will go with  1 or 2 first and work my way to 3.

 

and then come mid spring - summer i can go full lesbian.

 

there are some short hair rules i have to abide by..

 

#1...

while this hair is cute on this model it's a bit too poufy on top for someone with thickish hair like me.

plus i really don't want longer in front, shorter in back.

it's too 80's vidal sassoon for me.

 

and.

this cut is super cute on her and only her.

she is adorable and androgynous and teeny tiny.

i would look like a butch soccer mom.

 

 

i need something fringey-er and pixie-er..

 

like so..

 

or 

 

 

 

i love the back of her hair.

 

 

 


 

i need something with texture and craziness.

 

 

this is cute but it's a lot of pouf..which is dangerous bc it would require a lot of styling to look good.

otherwise it would just be a short version of what i am dealing with now.

 

same here..

a-dorable!

but...i'm too poufy up top.

so i would look like a mushroom head or it would be greasy after 5 minutes with all the moroccan oil i would need to achieve the sleekness.

 

 

the big draw back to short hair is what?

THE GROW OUT PHASE!!

 

i know.

because i've been there...

 

here's me with short hair in around 1999..

 

look at my big corbel dick!!!

 

i couldn't find any pics of me in the grow out phase bc i most likely burned them.

 

so.

 

to review..

mid length like the first 2 or mid neck bob like portman?

 

then phase 2..

which short hair?

 

you helps.

 

thank you.

 

p.s. don't forget scowters at 8pm tonight.

 

 

 

cool shit you will like if you like to buy awesome stuff and not spend a lot of money

have you heard of scowters?

if you're like me you saw something about it on facebook but bc it has a cow as it's logo you thought it was some kind of hipster beef restaurant.

 

burgers specifically.

at least that's what i thought.

because i have look-that's-so-pretty-hey-is-this-gogurt? computer A.D.D.

haha!  that cow is wearing a monocle.

 

 

i have a mild one kings lane vintage finds obsession.

scowters is A LOT like that.

as in it's a big ol flash sale that happens tomorrow at 8pm.

it's a nationwide group of vintage/art/antiques/modern dealers..

each dealer has a few items in the sale. items are up just under 1 week. then, all new items. dealers are trying to price reasonably or low. items are super cool...

 

brass brutalist chandelier

 

maitland smith faux malachite box

 

elephant lamp

 

 

folk art jockey painting

 

 

italian ceramic polar bear

 


brass candelabras

 

 

brass horns

(i need these in a big fat way)

 

 dux chair and ottoman

 

arthur court chrome sawfish bill

 

 

scarpa lounge chair

 

 

see? good shit like that.

 

 

 i love that so much of their stuff has a modern vibe.

okl isn't rolling in the modern stuff as much as the traditional stuff and i, for one, like a good mix.  

 

 

if i've utterly (udderly) confused you, here...read this:

 

 

here is the facebook link.  just click LIKE.

and then set an alarm or something for thursday at 8 pm. 

also...follow them on twitter.

that way if you're on twitter you'll be sent an instant reminder via your twitter feed. 

p.s. there will be a sale EVERY thursday at 8pm. 

so eventually you will start to remember just like you do tv show times and days.

 

 

at the end of the day i think the thing about scowters is this shit is the cream of the crop FROM the cream of the crop of dealers and curators around the country.

no sifting through grandma's doilies or diane keaton's fiestaware.

 

and no, i don't get anything for this post.

i just like sharing cool shit with mah peeps. 

 

 

DOWNTON RECAP 3/4

 hey guys.

sorry this is late. 

the cruds had me not doing much for a few days and then my cat got sick so there was that.

 

anyway..

here we go..

 

 

 we start off this week with letter-gate.

 

no letters for anna.

 

no letters for bates.

 

but as is so often the case in alternate universes like downton abbey town,  zero letters + zero letters cancel each other out and make it RAIN LETTERS!!!

 

just kidding.  there really are NO LETTERS! 

and letters are all these 2 have.

apparently.

 

 

elsewhere...

 mary is almost down to her birth weight!!

go mary!

 

 

anna, how is bates?  are his romantic letters helping you to cope with his absence?

 

 

mrs. crawley gives a letter from ethel to mrs. hughes.

it probably does not say: this prostitution thing is really working out for me.  my life is amazing.  please do not send me poison to kill myself.  this era is the #1 era for ladies like me.  sincerely, ethel  hhzzeehhckkklllrsh (the sound of syphilis infected lungs)

 

 

carson asks matthew and lord g if he is to call them both lordship now that they are both masters of downton..

 

matthew's baby-faced head pops off and he turns into a headless baby who hates being master of downton.

 

but lord G is like all the way yes!  

 

carson's head explodes.

 

 

the next morning at breakfast.. 

matthew asks edith why she's not having breakfast in bed.

 

only married ladies eat in their beds, says edith.

see also lazy ladies, fat ladies, depressed ladies, ladies with pica (ladies who eat their beds in their beds), ladies who are moms and just want to watch the fucking housewives in peace!!!

matthew suggests she write to the times.

OH SHE WILL!!! says her indignant face. 

 

 

mary is turning a nursery into a sitting room.

makes sense.

 

and then matthew breathes his nerd words all up in mary's ears.

 only mary could take a nursery and turn it into a sitting room while getting some estrogen injections to make babies.  because that's totally what she was doing at the doctor's, right?

 

 

 

edith brings some 'scent' and whining to granny...

she wants none of either of them.

 but she does want to tell edith to do anything but gardening. 

gardening is for old ladies. 

and gay dudes.

 

 

 

 

anna cries some more about the letters.

here's an idea that a smart person would have..

walk down to the prison and ask him about the letters.

 

 

 

over on the set of les mis..

bates is sad about the letters. 

 

but then his prison friend tells him someone has been intercepting the letters...

 

he's happy.

 

sad. happy. sad. happy. 

 

remember when you liked this storyline?

kkllllurrrssshhhhhhcccrrlllllssshhh. (my own death rattle)

 

 

meanwhile..

 

alfred is fingering some spoons...

 

it's so gross.

he's becoming a spoon fingering superstar though, says carson.

 

finally we find out what ethel wants..

she needs mrs. hughes to write a letter to charlie's grandparents asking them to take charlie.

such is the life of a hopeless prostitute.

here's another idea that a smart person named mrs. crawley could have..

hire edith and take care of charlie yourself.

 

mrs. bird almost strokes out over handing ethel her coat.

also mrs. bird should change her name to mrs. the 5th beatle.

 

 

some mysterious man is running in the rain.

hint: it's tom branson.

 

 

 

a cryptic sybil tells edith she's alright but that col. mustard did it in the ballroom with the knife.

 

later during dinner there is a knock on the door...

 

it's wet, angry tom.

 

 

 

tom tells mary not to tell anyone.

mary conspires to hide tom upstairs but then goes and tells paPA and granny.

 

which is why i will never tell mary anything. 

but what mary lacks in secret keeping she makes up for in beautiful, claret-colored dresses. 

 

 

 downstairs everyone plays the guess why tom was in the rain game..

 

 

daisy suggests he's running from the police..

what an idiot- says anna. 

10 points from gryffindor- says mrs. hughes.

 

but then dumb ol mrs. hughes says he was out for a walk in the rain..

 

mrs. o'brien is like um.  no dummy!  why don't you go buy a toaster! 

10 points from slytherin- says everyone else.

 

for the record..daisy was right.

 treacle for everyone!!

 

 

upstairs there's a meeting to discuss what the shit is going on..  

 

first of all where's sybil? 

well...

apparently tom burned down a castle.

or at least he helped conspire to burn down a castle.

so he is 7/8ths responsible according to convenient laws of the 1920's aristocracy.

sybil is safe though but fending for herself.

which sends lord g over the edge.  

 

 

but granny thinks it might have been a good idea to burn down that ugly old castle..

 

 

 

then tom tells a story that no one can relate to.

 

 

 

downstairs mrs. hughes bought a toaster.

carson thinks toasters are witchcraft. 

witches think toasters are carsoncraft.

i think wine is delicious.

 

 

but who cares about a toaster when that hot slut jimmy arrives!!

 

 

jimmy kent shows up as the new possible footman.

he smells like apples. 

all the girls are pleased.

 

especially thomas.  she gets a boner in her downstairs.

 

 

next morning lord g is off to london to make things right.

because he is magic?

because he is a lord?

 

why hasn't he found anna and bates' missing letters?

that seems easier.

 

 

tom tells lord g that at least he knows he lives in a harsh world.

since when are 4 leaf clovers and lucky charms harsh

 

(i love irish people, mostly) 

 

 

ethel and her adorable son charlie are meeting with the grandparents and isobel and mrs. hughes..

 

watching mothers give up their children is the BEST EVER!!!!

 

but c'mon, no one in reality would be that judgey of "someone like ethel"
while mainlining hooker cooter at the same time. 

well played julian fellowes. 

my blood was boiling.

 

 

 

back at les mis..

 

bate's "friend" is helping bates bc he can't stand bate's cellmate.

 

 

mary convinces carson to hire jimmy bc alfred looks like a puppy rescued from a puddle.

which is a semi-nice way of saying alfred looks like a "special" ginger with no eyebrows.

 

also jimmy makes all the girls horny and everyone likes horny girls.

 

ethel says goodbye to charlie.

 

this scene was not hard to watch at all.  

 

it did not make me wanna kill people. 

 

 

back at les miz

 bunk search.

looks like someone left behind a reeaallly old tampon. 

or maybe some chex mix?

i honestly have no clue.

a cat toy? 

 

 

sybil shows up!

 

there is another family gathering.

 

mary does that belittling thing she does so well.. 

that ball crushing, soul crushing thing.

 

thankfully a letter arrives, by magical owl it would seem, to tell us all what to do.

 

neither tom nor sybil are to leave downton says the letter from lord g.

 

 

 

thomas spies jimmy getting dressed..

 

his skin is smooth and creamy like buttermilk. 

 

 

o'brien lurks.

we see where this one is going, yes?

straight to gay town via the incrimination express.

 

 

 

lord g is back.

he's trying to figure out the best way to deal with this scandal.

saying they could have a maud gonne or a lady gregory on their hands.

because everyone knows who those ladies are.

especially americans.

but thanks to wikipedia now you do. (click the links. there is actually some interesting shit to be learned)

 

anyway...ireland called and said tom is banned forever.

hahahaha!!

i believe that is what's called irony.

 

it also moves this plot line in a new direction.

finally.

i believe we will never hear the words "irish rebel" ever again. 

 

but sadly i believe 2 new words are to take their place..

 

"write" and "newspaper".

and just like that a new scandal is born.

 

 

 

after dinner matthew tries to bring up the downton books...

 

 

despite this photo his eyes have been opened to the way money is being spent around downton.

 

 

lord g is all...what? let's talk about that later...here have another really expensive cigar.

 

matthew wonders if he knows any other rich dead men he can inherit frrom.

 

over in les priz..  

letters!!!!

 

 

carson smells smoke.

 

 

it's just the witch and her crazy pagan toaster.

 

 

sybil tells tom that their unborn baby is more important than living in ireland..

 

other things more important than living in ireland:

curing cancer. 

obama care.

obamacare.

making sure people know canadian bacon is not bacon.

banning human pinatas.

shutting down all of guy fieri's restaurants.

shutting down that woman on the food network that looks like guy fieri.

a good gluten free recipe for cinnabons. 

 

 

what's this???

edith's letter gets published!?

well that's good news isn't it?

it probably means edith is well on her way to writing her first book.

 

possible titles:

 

How To Almost Marry A One-Armed Old Guy.  

Looks Don't Matter When You're A Writer.

 I'm Really Sad You Guys, The True Story of Edith Crawley. 

Downton Stabbey- Let The Bloodletting Begin. The Edith Crawley Murders

 

 

 

downstairs... 

 

FUCKYEAHLETTERS!!!!!!

 

i hope (do not hope) they show the two of them reading the letters!!!

 

 

also..

 

a pretty new kitchen maid arrives downstairs..

 

daisy sets her on fire. with her eyes.

 

 

later..

matthew meets with granny.

 

he tells granny that downton is being mismanaged.

 

 

 

omg cllaasssssic downton!

 

 

aaaaannnndd......

 

you guessed it! 

 

 

letter reading!!

 

 

hours and hours and hours and hours of letter reading.

 

 i don't think this show could have ended more gayly.

 

ugh!

so ugh we need a new word for ugh.

 

discuss.

 

i did manage to poop out some downton zingers between blowing my nose and blowing my cat's nose.

 

enjoy..