paint is a lying whore

Gabriela Eisenhart March 28, 2013

the paint swatches around here are endless.

it's like a crazy, hormonal, serial decorator lives here or something.

i waited at the benjamin moore store the other day for about 40 minutes to be helped and then another 20 to actually receive all SIX of my samples. funtimes.

first of all it's hilarious to think for one minute that your pinterest board dedicated to paint colors is going to be a fair representative of said paint colors.

lies.

all lies.

according to the internet

i was feeling salisbury green for my dining room..

i mean look at it:

soft and minty with a hint of gray blue.

here's what it looks like on my actual walls..

there is decidedly less blue in it in real life.

this is morning light.

so even though there might be the slightest hint of blue here let me assure you that in the blaring afternoon sun it is waaaay sagey.

blech.

i am not a fan of the sage greens.

actually...this is all very ironic.

bc as i look at these images of it on my walls it does look like the inspiration pic.

but in real life...it looks like a satchel of dicks.

and then we have the whites.

a lot of you suggested white dove..i had a sample chip of white dove here in front of my eyeballs and i could tell by looking at it that it had too much gray in it.

i already have that color paint on my walls..

it's called silver satin.

a warm gray white.

i wanted creamy marshmallow with a hint of vanilla.

but everything i look at has too much vanilla and not enough marshmallow.

or too much marshmallow and not enough vanilla.

or too much gray or too much white.

whites are hard.

i don't want it too country.

i don't want it too city.

here are the whites i tried-

linen white.

sugar cookie.

pink damask.

simply white.

i figured those at least covered my bases with a pure white, a pinky white, a creamy white and a vanilla white.

knowing i did not want a gray white or anything like my existing silver satin i just held the swatches up against the silver satin swatch.

that part was the easiest.

here's what they look like on my walls...

again, morning light which is always a little blue in this house.

my eye is drawn to the sugar cookie but i think in reality it's just too yellow.

i was feeling linen white for a while and then decided it might be too yellow too.

the difference between sugar cookie and linen white in real life is linen white has a touch more gray and a touch less yellow.

sugar cookie has a hint more pink.

i am confusing the fuck out of myself right now.

which means i am probably boring you and you are sleeping.

it occured to me to maybe decide what i want the room to feel like and not what i want the paint to look like.

duh.

so i decided that i want the white to be sexy.

modern, not country.

a little edge.

a hooker with a heart of gold.

wait..what?!

this is getting out of hand.

gay gay gay pride pride pride we're gay and we're full of priiiiiiiiiide!!!!!!!

Gabriela Eisenhart March 27, 2013

good morning friends of the gays.

if you are not friends of the gays please immediately go and fuck yourself.

re: ewan mcgregor..

i concur.

go gays.

go world.

marriage for everyone.

ev-er-y-one.

tomorrow..

we talk paint again.

sharing the good shit

Gabriela Eisenhart March 26, 2013

if you're like me (and you are) you hate when a blogger is all...look at this cute sweater and these cool shoes i am wearing...only to click the link and find out they are 64 million dollars.

ok...maybe more like 250 for the sweater and 500 for the shoes.

or even 150 for the sweater and 250 for the shoes.

to some that is chump change (good for you) but for me that is food for the week (don't judge) and 1/4 of my private school bill.

so when i came across the oxford trunk i was a little bit excited.

not only is it totally my style, it is totally -and i mean totally- within budget.

re: cheap.

yes, i think it is important to buy quality pieces that will last you season after season.

but it's also critical that you have some cute things that you can destroy with every day wear and tear.

enter the oxford trunk and their well selected "trunk" of cuteness...

all under $50.

the whole website is under $50.

suck it j crew.

and don't even get me started on quality here..

bc j. crew's quality is shit with a capital 'plastic jewelry'.

also when's the last time you murdered an entire bottle of wine over that 50 dollars you spent on a t shirt that ended up with holes around the belly button after 1 washing?

yesterday? me too.

here are a few of my favorites..

kimono sweater

i actually bought this.

slouchy leopard beanie

$9.50 sunnies

moroccan cityscape ring

i wanted this so bad but it was sold out.

industrial revolution necklace

cylinder necklace

pop of neon necklace

sideways cross set

there are a lot of really cute necklaces for layering.

and no, this is not a sponsored post.

i just stumbled upon them and thought i'd share.

go buy yourself something.

and then tell me what you bought.

put a shell on it, it's monday!

Gabriela Eisenhart March 25, 2013

good morning my favorite people!

i ate a shit load of vegetables yesterday.

for lunch it was a salad of roasted beets, romaine, roasted broccoli and hard-boiled EGGS!

for dinner it was herb crusted roasted rack of lamb with sauteed baby carrots, radishes, asparagus and baby turnips.

i also made some gluten free oatmeal banana muffns.

if you decide to make them, add about 1/4 tsp of sea salt.

makes all the difference in the world.

also substitute maple syrup for the honey. trust.

so between baking and cooking and feeling like a fucking bionic athelete of supreme power and fitness (all lies)..

i was pinning images of seashell encrusted things.

i'm gonna go out on a limb and say you either love this or you hate it.

i give you-

shells on shit.

(p.s. i LOVE it)

there's a lady in florida (duh) who will make all of this stuff for you for about 40 million billion dollars..

you can view all of her work here.

or you can go buy some shells and a glue gun.

which is what i am going to do.

because what i really want is one of these..

boom! seashell encrusted farrplace.

or..

stand back...

seashell encursted bafroom.

that's insane.

i might just start small.

with a box.

or a frame.

or nothing bc encursting seems like an old lady's game.

and i am not an old lady, yet.

wait...am i?

i am 185 in dog/mom years.

pass the glue gun, sluts.

where was i yesterday? *updates

Gabriela Eisenhart March 22, 2013

well, i wasn't gardening, that's for sure.

bc who wants to garden when it's 37 degrees outside?

no one that's who.

i was working on a bathroom for a client and painting some pretties for other clients, but that's beside the point..

do you ever have one of those days where you wake up just feeling like a dick covered in poop?

where you think, wow...i must have eaten too much cheese (which i never eat usually)?

or maybe that non gluten free tortilla really is killing me slowly?

yesterday was tough for me bc of maybe one of those things up there.

i think it's time for a spring cleaning.

of my body.

i am 43 which is 185 in dog years and dog years are basically mom years.

and if you're a mom (or just old in general) you know what i mean.

it means that even though i am 43 i feel like i am 185 most of the time.

and i blame it on my diet.

i eat a great dinner. (mostly) well balanced. prepared by me using only organic ingredients.

sometimes (once a week) i eat a big salad with loads of nutritious vegetables and nuts and things for lunch.

but mostly i snack on think thin bars.

like, that's it.

all day.

not so smart.

and not so thin.

does this sound familiar?

if so, congratulations.

you are treating yourself like shit.

and your self is paying you back in low energy, lame brained-ness and probably cancer.

the thing of it is this..

i am busy.

busy is good but if you're busy you need to be really healthy to keep up and to enjoy the busyness.

otherwise you just want to lay in bed and forget about all the things you need to get done.

but it's the busy that is keeping me from eating well.

and i am smart enough to know better.

i take the time every day to exercise (unless i am suffering from some kind of malady- see above) but i rarely take the time to fix myself a nutritious meal?

that's like polishing your car but never changing the oil.

and we all know your body is a machine that needs proper fuel to run like a mercedes.

and right now we are a 1987 yugo, 1971 ford pinto at best.

so, i am not a proponent of cleanses in general.

bc i've never known anyone to not get sick as balls after starting a cleanse.

they are really tough on your body.

and most people don't do them correctly.

the correct way of doing a cleanse is just to cut out 1 or 2 things that you shouldn't be eating and don't change anything else.

and then after 2 weeks, you can add something like a green juice. because that in and of itself is highly detoxifying.

no-no's include:

all processed foods

suspicious to you food intolerances:

wheat/gluten

dairy

protein based foods:

*eggs and meat

and for god's sake never do all of the above and add green juices to the mix.

that's a recipe for disaster.

and then to top it all off most people do the serious cleanse and then do nothing to help facilitate the drop off of toxins...the herx effect can be very serious for some people and it would be wise to take steam showers and epsom salt baths several times a day. of course NO ONE does that. bc who has that time?

but it's part of the detox process. those toxins have to go somewhere!

and the skin is our biggest detoxifying organ, duh!!!

so what am i going to do about it?

consult the gooper of course.

go ahead and put those freshly rolled eyeballs back in your head.

you know you lovehate the goop.

i certainly do.

she had me at "DELICIOUS, EASY recipes that will make you LOOK GOOD and FEEL GREAT"

emphasis on the everything.

also, she has 40,000 zucchinis behind her which either means she gives us 40,000 recipes for all those summer zucchinis your garden produces or she sticks them up her butt.

i am all for either.

book is on pre-order.

if you order now it's only $17.39.

so my plan is this:

back to my working-for-me no dairy, no gluten diet.

eating 3 healthy meals a day or if there's little time for lunch i will at least vow to eat a healthy snack.

and drink more water. (i think this might be my biggest problem)

who's with me?

* a note about eggs.

eggs are the world's most perfect food.

we should be eating eggs every day, or at the very least several times a week.

but if you are sensitive to them you are lacking sufficient enzymes to help you digest them and/or you are cooking them too much. heating the egg protein alters it's chemical shape. the distortion is what forms the allergic reaction. also ONLY buy organic eggs. not free range. free range is a bullshit term that means nothing.

***read this about eggs for the truth about eggs