coachella style aka what the shit is this bitch wearing? and other wednesday fuckery

first of all i'd rather slice open my eyeballs with razor blades covered in acid salt than attend a music festival let alone an outdoor one with bugs and boob sweat and poop holes dug into the ground.

 second of all the fashion from coachella is all over the universe right now (aka pinterest) which means it's in my face all day and i am so over everyone under 35-

with your crop tops and your jumpsuits and your ironic t shirts.

i would like to give you all a warm cup of ding dong juice.

 but.

i get it.

i was 25. i was 30. 

and i was a total asshole in a crop top sucking down your mom's ding dong juice hatred.

let's look at some outfits.

this year was all about the coochie cutter:

 

this outfit is terrible.

 

hey snookiehontas do you need a straw with those lips?

a well hidden cooch.

bashful cooch.

don't get me wrong i own about 4 pairs of coochie cutters so i ain't hatin too hard.

but dear lord looking at the massive line up of camel toe has me rethinking the CC's.

some of my favorite looks..

it's all about those necklaces.

but also coochies done right.  aka no visible cooch.

the hair flowers are stupid as fuck but the dress is right up my alley.

super comfy and breezy.

simple and stylish.

 it helps when your CC's have lots of pattern.

i don't know if this is julianne hough but if it is she just got a fashion hi-5 from me.

this is so good it hurts.

although for me, by noon it would be covered in food spills and probably someone else's blood.

and now...some ridiculous:

for me it's not so much about the retro checks as it is about the hair, shoes and bag.

look at this bat creature with visible fupa.

truck stop oompa loompa.

 i'll be glad when my pinterest is back to your bullshit wedding photo booth inspiration and dumb quotes about striving to be successful and carpe-ing that fucking diem.

in other news..

today i am going to see the frida exhibit at the high museum.

much needed inspiration.

i'll take pictures and pray i don't get arrested.

i'll wear my favorite coochie cutters and rock a well earned fupa.

shitty ass shit

well obviously i am talking about the boston marathon explosions.  but also my white walls- more on that in a minute.

when i heard an 8 yo boy was killed it was all i could do to not come undone and go on a killing spree myself.

if you haven't read patton oswald's take on it (if you are glued to facebook like the douchebag you are then you've seen it)  (points finger at self)  please read it.  it's a good lesson to take away from all of this murdery sadness. 

 i want to let my boston readers know that i am thinking of them and if there's anything i can do please let me know.

moving on in topic (not in importance)...

i began painting my living room BM simply white.

side note- these pics are dark bc yesteday was gloomy and overcast.

the color is perfect though.

creamy white.

no yellow.

no gray.

exactly what i wanted.

H O W E V E R...

my trim is decidedly gray in comparison.

tobe warned me and i didn't listen.

so now i have to paint it all.

and that makes me sufficiently stabby.

i always knew i was going to paint the baseboards and even the windows.

but not the molding at the top.

oh sweet jesus.

it was soul crushing as i lay on my couch looking up and snapping pics on my phone.

laughing on the outside.

crying on the inside.

but those tables up there are new and i got them for a song.

A SONG I TELL YOU!

they are one of a kind blue denim-y looking lacquer.

made for the queen or some such craziness and there is no other pair in the world like them.

in that photo they look like a damn ikea lack table.

but they are bigger and heavier and denim-y-er.

i will take better pics when the room is done and styled up all pretty.

and those lamps are going.

i've had them for years and i love them but they are not right for this room.

instead i purchased 2 70's brass moroccan lamps on ebay for a song.

A SONG I TELL YOU!

i didn't want a pair of lamps bc i have a pair of tables.

i wanted tall, mid century and brass.

similar but different.

same height, same feel but different shapes.

 they are the exact same height from the bottom to the top of the harp.

and i scored them for so cheap i can't even tell you bc you will explode. 

pretty awesome right?

ok then.

 boston...we love you.

everyone...keep your heads up.

hug your babies and have some wine and celebrate your life.

some things and a winner

hey.

this weekend i worked like a motherfucking sharecropper in the yard.

my shoulders are looking like jillian michaels these days bc of all the raking and digging i've been doing.

i will have updates for you on that later this week as well as paint updates and new tables and new lamps and good things like that.  

but first a look at some things i saw this weekend that i looked at more than once.

this kitchen..

i wanna visit it from time to time and eat some warm cookies at that table.

side note- did you know that west elm now sells smegs? 

this living room scene..

 it's simple.  probably too simple. (as in WTF paintbrushflute?)

but i appreciate the whiteness and then BAM with the pinkness.

prepare thyself...

pink tiger velvet couch.

this artist's "shack"... 

 the artist is david bromley.

you probably would recognize his work best from anna spiro's home...

(boobie painting and i hate those green pillows)

seriously though..do yourself a favor and go look at the rest of this "shack" on the beach in byron bay AU.

it's indoor/outdoor living vibe is extremely cool and it's for sale.

and finally the winner of the color me boho cuff... 

is catherine ahern!

congrats catherine.

enjoy your sexy new hair on hide cuff..

thanks for entering everyone!

a really really really ridiculously goodlooking cuff giveaway

today i tell you about awesome jewelry.

i am so not a jewelry person.

like, at all.

i have some...but i never wear it.

most of my jewelry comes from target anyway.

but...

 i did wear a necklace from the gap every day for 7 years until it broke.

that fucker was a tiny silver heart on a string. A STRING!!!!

cost me $1.99.

 i never took it off. ever. 

it lasted through showers and sleep and shit.

then it finally gave way.

the string broke and that was that.

isn't that a sad story?

so i am on the hunt for a replacement necklace and i hear about this line of boho jewelry called 

color me boho 

which may as well be a straight up rip-off of color me badd and that is some world class play on words at work. 

everyone knows color me badd is the bestworst band of all time, right behind milli vanilli.

anyway...no necklaces i can shower in and sleep in but 

i still pretty much love every single thing that CMB has to offer.

such as..

friendship bracelet with spikes

monooi large friendship bracelet neon yellow/pink 

hand beaded friendship bracelet in spring colors  

beaded friendship wrap bracelet in fun colors

leopard hide leather cuff with stone

pink suede cuff with stones 

it just gets rediculous-er and rediculous-er.

so much good stuff people.

 it was making my brain hurt to choose things to show you.

i had to stop.

i almost never ever approach people to do a giveaway on my blog.

mostly bc i hate everything people show me.

but this time i reached out to alison at color me boho and was all...look, pretty jewelry maker...i need the people to know about your stuff bc i love my people and your stuff is delicious.

and a giveaway was born.

so now all you have to do is visit color me boho and then come back here to tell me which piece you'd most love to own and this gorgeous black and cream hair on hide cuff with stones can be yours..

"a beautiful piece of turquoise colored magnesite which is gilded in silver and a point of silver heat-treated crystal quartz.

the cuff measures 2.5" wide and 7" between strong magnetic clasps. back clasp features a vintage style brass concho"

you lucky sons of bitches.

i'll have you know i get nothing.

that's how much i love you.

i chose to give that gorgeous thing away rather than keep it for my usually greedy self.

i will pick a winner at random on monday.

you're welcome.

a few paintings and a word about my obsession...

 the obsession is mad men.

i am almost done with season 3 and it's all i can do to not put in another dvd and watch the next episode.

and then the next and the next and the next.

what is it about this show?

each character is so flawed and tragic in some way.

and so you care deeply about the outcome of their story.

when i try to think about who my favorite character is...i can't!

sometimes i think it's a 3-way tie between joan, peggy and don.

but i have a place in my heart for almost all of them.

pete campbell can suck a dick but other than that....i just love them all!

sometimes i hate don and sometimes i just want to hug him and other times i want..well...his ding dong. 

so..it may come as no surprise that my current obsession is affecting my work..

here are 4 new paintings available in my shop inspired by mad men.

seven minutes in heaven

after party

don draper is a complicated man

early compass

i will have more available tomorrow..

thanks for shopping!

and as always if you want to commission something just gimme a shout. 

 

speaking of painting...

many of you probably know holly from things that inspire blog.

she was one of the first blogs i read over 100 years ago when we both started blogging.

she lives here in atlanta and blogs about pretty homes.

she also blogs about her own home which she built from scratch with the help a pretty awesome designer and architect.

she also is a smart blogger.

i.e. her words sound like smart people words.

i.i.e.e. her blog is informative.

i.i.i.e.e.e. her blog is the opposite of mine.

(seriously, i do learn stuff when i read her blog.  architecty and designery stuff, not the best way to cure the farts like this blog)

well, she contacted me a few weeks ago about a painting she had seen in one of jamie meares' clients homes..

this one:

she was all..

you paint?

i was all..

yeah.

she was all..

i love this one!

i was all..

thanks dude.

she was all..

i wanna do a post on you.

i was all..

fuck yeah!

she was all..

answer these questions bitch!

i was all..

fuck to the yes i will!

(jk, holly doesn't talk like that. she's a lady)

so if you want to throw up in your mouth a little while you read all about my PROcess..

then go here.

many thanks to holly.

i hate don't hate talking about myself.