nick olsen's granny hooker room- craigslist/ebay mashup

first of all you are going to need some orange red paint and a shitload of lacquer.

the art was not an option on craigslist at least not in atlanta. plus i am pretty sure with that left over red, a little blue and black you could turn out that canvas in an afternoon. if not, call me...i can.

so...here's the room i was inspired by. not sure why other than its so garishly awesome?

i think this is a room i couldn't in a million years be happy to live in. BUT...i would be happy to hang at nick's for a while gossiping.

ok...so let's start with this couch. i realize it's not the clarence house fabric that nick used but it uses the same palette. just add some red piping..

palm beach style loveseat- $200

ralph lauren pillow- $25.99

swing arm sconces- $43.99

paint them gold or brass

end table- $40

and for your splurge item (aka i couldn't find anything close on either ebay or atl craig)

rope and silver tray- $375 (it's the same one he has)

french chair- $129

get some green leather and you're good to go..

 

round antique mirror- $25

gloss it up in black.

 

chinese pagoda- $19.99

paint it chalk white

 

for your pagoda to sit on

wall sconce- $80

also painted white..

 

 

not meant to be used as the green leather chair

but you could...and you could use the other chair for the one next to the screen..

french style chair- $99

 

iron directoire table- $79.99

 

 

folding screen- $169.95

i suppose you could cover this up with felt and ribbon like nick did, but if it were me i would paint it green and then paint out the edges of the squares in the black..



nickcraig.

p.s. for the floor i suggest you ask nick to help you. that shit looks dumb hard.

tanis's console table craig atlanta

hello MFAMB-ers!! another paying customer coming your way..

tanis of atlanta had a specific request...

she says:

"Your craigs list dining room rocked it. (DUH) I'm sold. I have been looking on craigs list for weeks for a console. I need your help! It's specific though... No more than 46" long. Higher than 30" and no more than 18" deep. Something that looks light so not like a dresser type piece. You up for it? I know it sucks bc so many people do not post dimensions. I'm hoping to paint it so any condition is cool. I like "vintage modern" and nothing too flourish-y. I know this is an extra special task so I'll pay more. I just want something fabby fab." 

this is what i found..

tall metal table- $100

 

 

antique library table- $199

ooooh!  maybe a coat of glossy white?? and some fabby lamps! 

 

rattan desk- $45

not a console but very cool!!  not knowing where you intended to use it...i am assuming it's in an entry or perhaps behind a sofa??  either way, this piece works..

paint it whatever...it will look great..

 

 

vintage console/buffet- $175

this is so pretty. you could modernize it with some fab hardware, i like muffs (hee hee)

 

sofa table- $158

might be over you length requirement but def has painting potential.  i would remove the bottom shelf and stick a couple of sexy stools/benches underneath.

the measurment thing was slightly debilitating and therefore if tanis is interested in a piece here and finds out it's too long, i will look again for a replacement piece.

so tanis let me know...

craig-gina!

simone's bathroom storage..

  simone emailed me with a bathroom storage request. there were specifics...like size.

this was what she had to say:


" I live in Elizabeth City, a small rural town on the water in northeastern North Carolina.  Liz City is right under the Virginia border and an hour from Hampton Roads, VA.
 I'm looking for a storage piece that can be used in my bathroom to house cosmetics and toiletries AND fit in a tiny space that's 26 inches wide by 14 inches deep.
 I'm very open to what could be used; it does not have to be a dresser or chest of drawers. My furnishings are midcentury and Danish modern with vintage fabrics from the 1950s and '60s on pillows, curtains, etc. but I'm not wedded to this aesthetic for the bathroom find. I think there might be other styles that could mix well with my existing pieces.
 Can't wait to hear what you recommend. Thanks so much, Jenny.

 Simone"

here's what i came up with...

first a little inspiration:

all wood display shelf- $69

if wood's not your thing, paint it...something bright and pop-py...like orange or kelly green...

then get some modern-ish containers. ikea has great ones.

 

inspiration pic number 2:

obviously the huge hutch is not what i mean...we are talking that adorable dainty table...

BAM!!

black glass shelves...silver bamboo legs...

LOVE

depending on what it looked like in person i would probably change the black glass for plain.

$25 bucks!!

 

rattan etagere- $175

(this price includes a table not shown)

i can see this painted red or dark blue or black or even bright yellow...

 

tall red display cabinet- $150

this is great. modern, retro...very cool in a bathroom. already has that medicine cabinet vibe.

 

thought this was interesting...it's a vintage coke cabinet that someone built shelves into. so, one of a kind. cool, retro...

$85

 

another inspiration pic:

antique display cabinet- $150

paint this...or strip it to a pale wood finish and then wax it up..

 

antique display cabinet- $100

this is the only piece that didn't post the measurements. all the others fit the bill of the dimensions you gave me.

bigfartpuffs!

putting my craig skills to the test....aka my eyes literally fell out of my skull and landed on my my computer where they told me i was turning them blind with evil strain..

this is what 4000 hours of sifting through craigslist can do to you..

the dining room i copied...

 

the goods i gathered:

(details** a few things i had to go to ebay for. sors. i used atlanta craigslist. some things are close rather than exact. deal with it or punches)

starting with benjamin moore's champion cobalt

(have no idea what color the lonny room is, lonny doesn't say so this is my closest guess)

ok the windows, found a dude who has a pile of bamboo shades...

bamboo shades: $20 each

curtains...get some inexpensive linen at fabric world (says susie) and have them made.

 

rug:

9 x 12 sisal- $275

the table: tough to find that finish while still maintaining the long shape and gorgeous legs..stain it.

antique dining room suite- $1075 for all of it.

surely you could get the table separately.

 

mahogany dining table- ??

asking 900 for this table plus six chairs..get the table for 400 or less...shit offer whatever.

for the wingback chairs:

have the slipcovers made out of inexpensive white denim or cotton duck or canvas even (and i think white is crucial, but these babies are removeable and machine washable...trust..)

wingback chairs- $80 for both

or these:

2 matching wingback chairs- $275

zebra pillow-11.99 ebay

the chandelier:

hard to find the simplicity of the inspiration chandelier, everything was too scrolly or too many tiers..this was the closest i could find, spray it brass color or leaf it. or splurge on the real thing at circa lighting.

antique style chandelier- $50

 

six off white linen chandelier shades- $24.99 ebay

chairs- again this was the closest i could come up with.

the lines are simple in the inspiration pic..

antique cane chairs- $140 each

get a cushion made with that yummy stripy fabric

 

these are gorgeous too..

regency mahogany dining chairs- $250 a chair

 

1930's dining room chairs- $450 for 6

for the table tchochke

blue fish bowl with lid- $10

for flowers..

antique silver plated bowls- $10

ceramic artichoke sculpture/bowl- $19.99

 

 

ok..moving on..

the sideboardcredenzabuffetconsole was the death of me...

i searched everywhere for this fucker.

it's those legs, metal, that got me...so i picked one that was in the color family and with the boxy shape..

danish modern rosewood buffet- $1,385 ebay

obvi it's too much money. plus i'd keep searching until i found one with a more modern feel with those chrome legs.

 

2 crystal lamps- $40 for both

huge set of stoneware- $120 for all of it

 

silver serving pieces- $55 for all of it

 

on to all the fab artwork for the gallery effect..it all looks personal which i feel is important when you are buying art, whether it's 5 bucks or 5500 bucks..it should make you happy or FEEL something every time you look at it.

that said, i found some pretty pieces for the purpose of this project..

framed art- $5

 

abstract art- $299

 

framed art- $35

 

ok, on to the glass front hutch:

antique display cabinet- $399

 

antique display cabinet- $300

 

chinese blue and white small lamp- $49 ebay

 

brass candle holders- $20 for all 3

 

beautiful modern paintings- under $100

framed oil painting- $95

 

2 milk glass cups- $10

lenox large tureen- $89

ok...so...what do you think?

please don't state the obvious, like..

the fact that nothing is exact. this is craigslist with an ebay supplement people.

or that some of the finishes are off, or where in the fuck is the awesome parrot pillow??!?!

or...fartsandwich....whatever!

hire me.

 

 



nicole's craigslist dining table. dealer farts.

 you all know nicole from sketch 42 blog, right?  sharp, witty, passionate, sexballs, and a fucking apartment of dumbness. she paid me to find her some tables on craigslist and by the powers of grayskull i think i have achieved greatness.  first let's take a look at what she has to live with....

i know...supersads for her, but i do think she needs a round or oval table and possibly a bit bigger...

here are the goods:

dining room 1930's germany- $8,000.

i know fucking eightthousanddollars?!???!?!  but, pretty sure you could get the table for 1000. or less. shit i don't know...how stupid are german people? (fuck you i'm kidding)

it looks pretty. and wide. nicole needs wide i think. her table is too narrow.

anyway...i am dying to see this in person.

 

dining room table and chairs- $600

these people are all..."we have to move now!!!"...so probs get a deal.

i don't know about you but this table speaks to my nether regions..

it's mahogany and has amazing details. cleaned up this could be a stunner. deep chocolatey brown would go well in your place nicole. although i could see it painted too.

 

 

antique mahogany dining table- $685

gorgeous. regal and lovely. strip it. or paint it.

 

 

oval dining table- $150

what?!!?  $150!??!

this is crying for some glossy french gray paint..

 

antique dining table and chairs- $350

kind of farmhouse meets art deco.

 

antique 10'10 table- $??

no idea how much this cost but it's huge.

 

 

berkey and gay dining table- $1300

i think this m-effer is huge! and has potential.

 

art deco dining table and chairs- $400

this could be absolute shit or amazeballs in the USA.

hard to say.

either way it's worth inquiring.

i think the inlay is marble.

ok then.

super craig hearty farts in the USA and new york!!!!!!!

also, it's fair to point out that new york city craigslist branches out into connecticut and vermont without you even knowing.

so sorry if one of these tables is in fucking cranberryville USA or maplesyrupcity USA.

in addition antiques dealers are eating up the craigslist pages advertising their stores.

so sifting through is harder for me.

p.s. i said fuck 4 times