dear chairs, (+ updates of awesome proportion)

 some people reading might not understand you...

fuck those dumb bags of dicks.

i get you.

i get you hard!

i am sad though.

cuz you are a steal at $150 (FOR BOTH!! mother FFFFF) on craigslist.

a steal.

and i still can't afford you.

i would do nothing to change you.

i would buff up your brazilian leather.

and clean and polish up your rosewood.

you are a once in a long while kind of find on craigslist.

shit like you almost never comes around.

you are pure.

now for the rest of you...

hire me so that i can pay for this shit!

you are totally going to benefit when you see them all cleaned up and put in my middle room with shelves and stuff.

hire me for personal shopping and/or moodboard making and/or decorating the shit out of your house.

NOW!!!!

 superdad left this in the comments section:

Dad (Unregistered) commented on dear chairs,:

 "Since I'm such a wonderful human being, stunningly gorgeous, impossibly humble, on the verge of beatification, and an all-around swell guy, go ahead and get them and I'll pay for them."

sold.

washed out never looked so pretty...

comfy pretty...

inspiring pretty...

i sent this to a friend for her office garage conversion inspiration...wouldn't it be perfect?? 

serene pretty..

according to the homeowner the walls appear this way due to many layers of paint stripped away and temperature fluctuations over the years..it's an old factory loft in atlanta (holla).

boho happy yum yum...

 

simple calm pretty..

this home is featured in the latest issue of atlanta homes and lifestyles mag.

the whole issue is pretty fucking outstanding.

pick you up a copy!

or bc i love you more than my luggage i will pick a name at random and send you a copy (and yes, i will rub my scent all over it).

leave a comment hookers.

 ****magazine contest is closed!! 

winner is BETH!

moodboards mean bizness: a (mildly) budget friendly living room.

i am honing my moodboard skills and soon i will be the moodboard masteress.

i wanted to do a moodboard on a budget.

now this isn't like my budget or anything bc that would be zero point zero zero dollars.

but it is a doable budget for people who have some money saved and want to redo their living room..

some of it is ikea and some of it is non ikea...

i mapped out the budget at $5,000.

and i came in just under at $4,911.72.

i was highly impressed with myself....

here is how i spent your money:

the paint (though stippled looking in the picture is just regular old paint) is martha stew for home D

"twilight" 2 gallons- $50.00

jonathan adler parker collection high brass wall sconce @lamps plus- 149.91 each

gerhard richter "cloud study" art @art river- $347.00

pottery barn carlisle sofa in white twill- $1599.00

crate and barrel tempo velvet pillow in shale- $36.95

crate and barrel lambert linen pillow in indigo- $39.95

anthropologie liquid ombre pillow- $118.00

west elm faceted mirror side table- $199.00

west elm dot coffee table- $399.00

jayson home and garden natural shell dish- $24.00

ikea persisk rug- $399.00

anthropologie blacksmith blossom chair- $248.00

ballard designs julia upholstered chair- $699.00

ballard designs weston floor lamp- $149.00

crate and barrel jules small accent table- $199.00

furbish studio chinoiserie long pillow- $95.00

 she purty isn't she?

word.

halloween + decorating progress

 first up the cutest girl in the world made cuter by ladybug attire:

this was friday morning before her halloween party at school, hence the sleepy eyes...

halloween afternoon we had homemade chili(dumb) and corn muffins(dumber) with our pals the marler's....

fiona and her pal ailey...a bride...

s. mike....(!!?!)

me (in tiny hat) and mollsballs...

(i see you all looking at that headboard!  it is awaiting paint.  not sure what color yet)

first house..

fiona ditched the boots for walking purposes..

and pants...

but wait!!!!!...as if that wasn't exciting enough..

shelves were made over..

before...

primed...

painted...and roughly styled..

i need jamie the shelf whisperer to give me some tips...

let me address what the rest of you are thinking..

you: "MFAMB, why didn't you take the shelves off the walls to paint them?"

me: "bc they weigh more than Precious and they are drilled into the wall."

you: "MFAMB i totally think you should have painted the inside of the shelves another color!!"

me: "gross.  i would rather drink puke shooters."

you: "so no to wallpaper in them too?"

me: "diarrhea shooters."

you: "MFAMB why don't you put all your books vertical like?"

me: "bc they are decor books and 95% of the are too big. these shelves are really just roughly styled...as in i did them in a few minutes..i need to adorn them with a few cute ob'jets.  give me some time."

that ends this portion of the Q & A.

i hope you all had a fun halloween!!

we did!!

an MFAMB halloween

hi. 

i am burnt-girl-with-bird-in-heart.

i used to be debbie.

until i got set on fucking fire and a bird made it's nest in my chest cavity.

i used to be an interior decorator until i got burnt and died.

i live in this house with my surrogate creepy family..

this is the front room.

 i think this room has a great lived-in, country estate feel.

the blurry purple figure is grandma.

she is old as piss.

i like to tease her about her blurriness. 

she always calls me 'tar face' when i do.

it can get pretty nasty between us.

this is our kitchen..

i do most of the cooking because it's just easier this way. 

that plaid blanket is so on trend isn't it?

no...really...is it?  i have no idea what fucking year it is...

i haven't picked up a magazine since my fingers melted.

here's the living room.. 

don't even get me started on the dirt on that upholstery.

i leave ash trails everywhere i go.

it is incessantly irritating.

this is fawn..

she likes to steal your shit and then ruin it with her haunted eye.

that fucker is like a heat laser!

mostly she just plays with her dolls.

on special occasions we all eat in the dining room...

have you ever seen so many tagines?! is moroccan still a thing?

 one of my favorite nooks...

i can't bring myself to sit on it though. mostly because i'm like walking mt. st. helens.

this is my room..

this is where it happened. 

say hi to denise...

she and her "friend" mostly keep to themselves.

this is wanda...

she is a sister wife..

(and a cousin daughter)

 here is the greenhouse..

at the end of a long day of trying to cook meals for these fuckheads, with no fingers no less, i like to come here to unwind...it soothes me.

and if i am really quiet...

really really still..

that little fucking bird in my chest cavity leaves the nest for a few hours and i am completely alone.

until john comes in...

and fills my chest cavity with his peen.

just one of his many fetishes.

he also likes to eat feet.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!

fun with moodboards

quite honestly i could sit around and do moodboards all day long.

it's like having no budgetary constraints and free reign across the internets.

so obviously i went shopping at jayson home and garden and 1st dibs.

but for my next trick i am going to do a room on a budget. 

since, ya know...i'm on one.

once i get better at layering pictures and can find a free download of photoshop i honestly think i could rule moodboards in their faces.

people will actually hire me to take their money and make their rooms more pretty based on my moodboard skills.

if i could i would have added paint to the backgrounds and some kind of flooring option.

as they are now they are somewhat cold and stark.

i was really just fooling around with it, getting the hang of it. 

anyway..

here is a dream living room scenario 1:

scenario 2:

and

your guest room when you come stay at my house (if i had a guest room and a millionty dollars):

what do you think?

if you had some damn money would you hire me to decorate your house?

i am super confident i could.

also come back this weekend bc i am going to haunt the shit out of you..

with pictures and a story.