the camillculator. RHOBH recap

camille grammer is a calculating bitch.

 she is the "little professor"

 

she is a jacked up casio:

 

camille's calculations:

1.

crazy psychic medium + alcohol = asshole time.

 

2.

chef + pizza oven = delicious pizza.

 

3.

rock of love bus sized martini glasses + alcohol + bitches = showdown.

 

this episode starts with the camillculator having lunch with fishface taylor.

(aware that camille is fishy in face as well)

 

this is also calculated.

no one actually likes camille.

anywhere in the universe.

but she has to tell someone that she wants to continue the drama in the form of a dinner party.

so fishface it is!

(fishface. duh.)

 

camille wants to have a dinner party with all the ladies present and a few of her closest ass kisser friends.

why?

here's why.

drama is what makes this show watchable.

without it it would be unwatchable.

 

so the whole episode revolves around this dinner party set up.

only camille realizes she needs a few people in her corner bc 100% of the other housewives think she is a  calculating bitch with serious paranoid delusions about herself.

 

so the rest of the housewives agree are contractually obligated to go to this crazy bitch's house to drink her alcohol and hopefully poop on her floor.  

 

there is no pooping but i'm sure if we had given kim enough time she would've:

(huh? where am i?)


after a few Precious sized drinks..

things just started to get weird.

first of all camille invites her "friend", allison dubois, a psychic medium.

she is the medium behind the show medium.

and not only can she talk to dead people, predict divorces and 'head tap' your ass..

she is also a gigantic cuntface...

 

at least kyle was smart enough to know that this whole dinner was going to be an ambush

and since kim's brain has escaped to witch mountain by way of quaaludes..

kyle knew better to bring her own back up friend.

that friend being faye resnik:

yeah, i didn't know who she was either.

apparently she was friends with nicole brown simpson.

big fucking deal.

now she's friends with kyle.

camille made a big stink about pretending to not know who she was but that she recognized her from somewhere...and then BLAMMO!  

"ohiknowwhoyouareyouposedforplayboy!!!"

 

and faye was all:

and then she was all:

and kyle was all:

 and kim was all:

 

and then stinky allison dubutthole dropped a psychic bomb on kyle saying something like her marriage sucked.

and kyle was all:

and camille was all:

 

and a calculator was all:

 

and then kim (still on witch mountain) picks a fight with fishface 

and kyle gets the sadmads and then fishface stands up and says in her best self defense class voice,

"ENOUGH!!"

 "ladies don't act like this".

and then they make their exodus.

 

but wait!

as if it couldn't get anymore sadlarious..

kyle sends kim home in a limo all by herself while kyle, lisa, fishy, adrienne and faye take a seperate limo to the BH hotel for more drinks.

the end.

 

this post was powered by giggy vanderpump:

 

color combo for old times sake (and for susie who also loves this color combo and it's her birthday)

i haven't done one of these in a long time.

a monday color combo.

and it's not monday so that's weird.

but...

lately i can't get this image out of my head:

the rust and black combo is way good.

i have a few yards of rust velvet that i got for 8 bucks!!

i want to eat it.

 

 

visions of rust and black:

(with variations in burnt orange and deep rusty red) 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

happy birthday susie!

images via HB, elle decor and your mom, of course. 

 

many things

 first of all i can't thank you enough for all of your knob/pull info yesterday.

you guys deserve good things, like this:

 

so initially i thought the knobs from yesterday's post weren't knobs at all but pulls.

then some of you started sending me links to knobs and i had to go back and look at the picture and then i was all..."wait...i think those are knobs!"

but then i decided that i didn't give a poop..

i wanted pulls.

i think.

look:

 knob or pull?

i say knob.

but i still want pull. (don't i?)

here are some options:

#1.

in a polished brass finish:

 

#2.

not close but still nice:

 

#3.

might be too fancy/

might not be too fancy:

 

#4.

a knob.

in brass.

but too pokey.

no?

 

 

#5.

another knob.

too small?

too blurry?

too 80's double breasted blazer button?


wwoooah!!

back the fuck up jenny..

what in the high water in hades are these knobs going on??!!

well..

they are going on bedside tables very similar to the inspiration pic only smaller.

 

ok..

so..

what?

 

also:

 

 

my love affair with windsor smith has reached new heights.

 

and finally..

back by popular (thank you) demand:

i will be holing myself up for a few days in order to deliver a grand and glorious RHOATL recap

as well as a RHOBH recap.

while i love me some nene and company..

those BH bitches are far and away the most awesome housewives EVEEERRRR!!

i am counting the seconds until tonight's dinner party..

for those of you who hate this shit..

all apologies.

you were out voted.

but i still love you and have just sent a dozen of these to your facepieces.

 

 

meatcurtains,

windsor smith rooms via wsroominabox

things

 this delights me:

to no end.

thank you windsor smith for being awesome. 

 

and

equally delightful but not nearly as classy:

rhoatl's kim zolciak's laser fat removal pizza party


how come i haven't been recapping this shit?!

eating pizza while a magic laser erases your fat?!

duh.

i'm in.

 

interesting fact:

sheree's new agents at the people store are my agents too.

why yes.

i am excited for the day when we are up for the same part.

 

question for you.

what percentage of you are interested in housewives recaps?

i ask only bc recapping these shows takes a tremendous amount of time and effort and i don't want to do it if you could give a shit.

(i will probably still do it anyway)


love and laser farts,