an ounce of pretense

 

you're gonna see this shit a million times but that's ok...

drink in the details.

 

love her or hate her, her work is exciting.

she is a fearless artist.

 

let's talk about her...

 

here's my 2 cents..

 

looking at her rooms is like looking at a very VERY expensive piece of art

that you could never EVER own and you weep in it's presence, because it is at once so beautiful and so unobtainable.

 like ryan gosling without a shirt.

 

 

raise your hand if you'd like to see her decorate a home for real people.

 how would she do it?

regular people can't afford her customized furniture and wall to wall marble.

 

 

 

 

i love the drabness of it all.

and then wham with the brass!

 

 

 ermahgerd.

 

 

are you seeing this shit??!!! 

 

 

she's just taunting us all now.

a brass island y'all.

brass.

cabinets.

on an island. 

does it smell like pennies?

oh wait...that's copper.

 

 

 

 

that lavender with those honey tones.

 

her color palettes are always so sophisticated.

 

 

 

 

oh, that?

that's just a snakeskin and brass table on a wall of hand painted wallpaper.

nothing special.

 

 

 

here's where things start to get a little too kooky for me.

the workmanship is beautiful and the materials are amazing.

but it feels a little like a bathing chamber on krypton.

i cannot relate to it at all.

 

 

this is my favorite.

it's warm and luxurious.

with just enough crazy.

 

 

this room is like a well appointed 70's porn set.

and i don't mean that in a bad way.

kelly will take a color and add it in every texture under the sun.  the key to success in a monochrome space.

those night stands are insane.

 

 

 

not ever 100% sold on the wormy-ness of a de sede sofa.

i appreciate them.  let's leave it at that.

but this room is very cozy and opulent at the same time.

no small feat.

 

 

kelly's work is so artistic and lavish and yet can be very simple and homey if you look closely.

 

but at the end of the day her spaces never EVER look like a person or family lives there.

phenomenally gorgeous materials and tremendous objets...but no heart. 

 

do you agree?

or do you think the opposite?


 

who knew i could write a post without talking about diarrhea or farting?

 

 

poop.

 

 

 

 

important things

 

remember the other day when you were watching RHONY and you found yourself doing ranjana's face yoga poses? 

 

don't even try to lie to me, liar. 

 

 

and then remember when you felt like going on a boob punching spree when the world's biggest asshole (T.W.B.A.) and her sidekick were acting like the worlds biggest assholes...

 

and how you were wishing ramona (T.W.B. A.) would slip in a puddle of pinot grigio and fall backwards?

 

 

well, did you know that ranjana khan sells her face yoga program for the low low price of $12.99?

 

that's cheaper than a target face cream!

 

 

i will support her and buy it and then take pictures of myself doing it so we can all have a good laugh..

 

 this is totally helping my eyes look like a 12 year old's.  and like a bald murderer.

 

i think face yoga is genius because it makes perfect sense..

i mean you have so many muscles in your face,

it stands to reason that they need to be exercised.

 

and also..

this is scaring me half to death..

 

 

she should have tried face yoga instead.

 

her too.

 

 

 

and speaking of assholes...

 

this just in..

these 2 ultimate assholes are gearing up for a reality show called couples therapy.

bc appearently their marriage is "falling apart".

they will be joined by the circus sideshow that is courtney stodden and doug hutchison.

and some other desperate for money and spotlight couples.

i give anyone participating on this show exactly one day after their couples therapy check clears to stay together. 

 

 

here's to a successful monday.

 

 


 

new paintings- big ones and littl'uns..

with all that chick-fil-a money you are saving by not eating there (side eye)

you can afford bigger art!

 

like this one:

 

pool

36 x 48 acrylic on canvas.

lots of watery blues with sheer pinks and corals on top.

$875 + shipping.

 

 

 

dales SOLD

20 x 30 acrylic on canvas.

moss green, forest green and grass green with bits of gold and lavender.

$425 + shipping.

 

 

tart SOLD

20 x 30 acrylic on canvas.

sunshine and blonde with bits of pink and tangerine.

$425 + shipping.

 

 

high color

36 x 48 acrylic on canvas.

and explosion of rose and coral with bits of neon, white and nude.

my favorite ever ever ever.

in fact don't buy this bc i love it too much.

$3000!!!!

 

just kidding...

$875 + shipping.

 

 

 

very very deep

18 x 24 acrylic on heavy linen finish paper.

ultramarine, neon orange, black and white.

$100 + shipping.

 

 

thanks friends!

 

email me if you want to purchase.

 

 

 

hahahahhaha...just kidding (not kidding)..

i'll bet yesterday you thought i was serious with those sheets...and that post about my cabinets.

well ha ha joke's on you!!

haven't you ever heard of july 30th fool the internet day?

it's like april fools only in july and 

it exists*

and

you fell for it!!

 

i would never use peapuke green gingham sheets in any room let alone fiona's!

 

sheesh!  what do you take me for?

a design turd™?

 

and that monkey business with my cabinet contents??

 

umm...no!  what kind of total blogging moron (with nothing to blog about)

would bore you with the inside of her cabinets?!!!!

 

not THIS blogging moron.   that's who!

 

in any case i will reveal her REAL sheets in a few days (weeks).

and they will be "plain white" or "something with a stripe".

bc that is what a smart person would do.

aka me.

 

 but seriously...

do you know what is NOT a joke?

 

 

sleeping with spiders.

that beast up there was crawling on my arm probably also my face while i was asleep last night.

 

so then i couldn't sleep bc who COULD?????!!!!!

 

so i laid there and thought about spiders but also how badly the bedroom needs a new wall color (hasn't been painted in 5 years) and a headboard.

i was leaning toward a smoky navy wall color but i was like...ya know what my favorite color is?

green.

well pink.

but also green.

deep dark mysterious green.

(not peapuke because that shit was a TOTAL joke!!)

and then i was like...

you know what would be awesome? green lacquer.

 

like this...

 

 

 

so i made a mood board.

because that's what you do.

 

totally pirate chic with some girly glamour thrown in.

do you hate those words as much as i do?

like putting 'chic' at the end of something not so chic makes it chic?

garbage chic.

yeast infection chic.

scab chic.

 

anyway.

no sleep y'all.

 

so...

i am 100% behind this idea and i am going to do it.

 

that headboard is the business, isn't it?

going to paint it creamy dove white with some gold paint accents.

it will be super glam old lady pirate chic.

 

 

fart chic,

*nothing of the sort exists.

 

 

 

 

 

this is what i did. try not to fall asleep.

in the face of a possible move*

i decided to unload a lot of shit in my house.

i just want to be rid of things that i never use.

like the 37 coffee cups in the cabinet to the left of my fridge.

or the 12,000 plastic kid plates and cups that are not only super ugly but don't excite my 7 year old anymore.

 

so it was sort of a pre-move move.

my goal is to go through all the cabinets and closets by the end of the week and have it ready to go to a garage sale and/or goodwill.

 

 

look at all my hard work and supreme organization:

 

this is my mixing things cabinet.

there are also serving things up top..

but this is mainly where you would go to scramble some eggs, mix the things for the meatballs or mix the other things...

it is my fullest cabinet.

i actually went to ikea and bought 20 dollars worth of mixing bowls bc while i had 40hundredmillion cups i had ZERO mixing bowls.

dumb.

 

here are the measuring and straining and steaming supplies.

 

 

me: want your own cabinet dedicated to JUST tupperware?

you: who doesn't?

 

 

goodbye all of the glasses.

the truth is i do need some nice glasses.

and all of my wine glasses but 3 were broken.

i wonder who did that?

 

 

yep.  only the white stuff stayed.

except for the blue stuff on the top which was my grandmother's.

i can't get rid of it.

i use it for cat food.

don't tell her.

 

 

the baking corner.

 

 

are you still with me?

 

 

i also got some new sheets for fiona's bed...

 

pea green gingham.

so wrong.

 

i had this idea that it would look super awesome.

temper all the girly going on with a bit of masculine.

but...it's the wrong green.

even thought it's the right green according to the green in the headboard.

it's the wrong green according to my eyes.

 

what are your thoughts?

 

 

 * we might not move for a while.