this post brought to you by dining rooms and hitler bangs

Gabriela Eisenhart December 13, 2012

it's probably not cool to put "hitler" in a blog post title.

but it would have been worse if i had actually SHOWN you my hitler bangs, so now we all win.

yesterday i shot video of me narrating my dining room.

in it i do stupid things to the camera like turn it on its side for no reason.

i did not mean to do this and did not realize it would actually turn the image on its side when you view it.

i blame hitler.

he was the worst.

on monday i made the mistake of leading you all to believe that i have no idea what i am talking about when it comes to decorating.

that was dumb.

i know i can put a mid century credenza and a french country armoire together and it will look awesome.

it all has to do with creating a mood and going with it.

paint, fabric, hardware, lighting, rug....THAT is what will pull those 2 pieces together.

i gathered up some images of dining rooms that are working the look of mixing periods and styles rather well, primarily bc there is a distinct mood to the room.

here's some pertinent info that you might have missed or i might have failed to mention on monday about the dining room..

we use our dining room a lot.

for lots of things.

1. office.

2. we eat dinner here every single night.

3. dance marathons.

4. painting studio.

5. holiday dinners with family and friends.

6. coloring marathons.

we will soon be getting a tv for the space too so that we can watch wheel of fortune like old people while we eat.

so..

7. watching tv when we aren't watching tv in the living room.

(we like tv)

in other words this room is a key player in our lives.

anyway...here's the video..

i am warning you now. there is cursing and it is COMPLETELY ridiculous and unedited and if i had the time i would have shot at least 4 versions and decided on a much less 'short bus' version.

this version is the version i would have burned.

and i am sorry about the camera turning thing.

i was not thinking.

if you can make it through the whole thing you deserve a hug..

dining room design pickle.

Gabriela Eisenhart December 11, 2012

those four words have been haunting me for some time.

i have major furniture needs for this room to function properly.

i need storage.

and there are not a lot of options wall-wise to place furniture.

i need an armoire of some sort for important things that are ugly (printer, stereo + speakers, files, life stuff).

i need a buffet/credenza/sideboard for dining essentials and 4,000 cooking magazines.

i need a bar bc who doesn't?

so i ask you..

can these pieces of furniture co-exist?

in this room with this eating situation?

the big armoire on craigslist is perfect size-wise.

as it is now it's a pale robin's egg blue which doesn't make me want to vomit too hard..

but it will certainly change.

i can live with it for now.

but how awesome will it be when i paint the inside an insane color?

i really love the mid century credenza.

i really WANT a mid century credenza.

but can i rock a mid century credenza with a frenchy armoire?

yes i probably can but i will wait to hear from my smart design friends.

the white bar cart upper right is already mine but i kind of want to replace it with the beat up pine dresser on the bottom right.

i love a dresser outfitted as a bar.

so much extra storage too.

as an alternative i thought i could move the bar into another room and put some bookshelves there for all my cooking magazines and cookbooks.

the height from that might balance the height from the armoire.

thoughts?

i am an old lady and monday is my depends.

Gabriela Eisenhart December 10, 2012

that could mean a few different things but to me it means i am taking a big fat dooper all over monday.

nothing worse than getting home from vacation sunday night only to wake up monday morning and find that you have no cream (almond milk) for your coffee.

i felt like screaming.

well, new orleans was fun.

my bangs stayed straight on saturday but curled up something terrible on friday night after a mysterious fog rolled in.

only in new orleans.

and london.

new orleans is an awesome place.

it's like if new york, san fran, monte carlo and hell all had a baby and that baby acted like a baby all the time

and pooped and puked then threw it all over the floor and walls.

i actually almost stepped in neon pink chunky puke sunday morning.

it was awesome.

this wasn't my first trip to new orleans...maybe like my 5th?

each time i see it differently.

i am there for different reasons usually and therefore just generally doing different things.

but each time i am there i am charmed enough to want to go back.

despite the chunky puke piles and distinct smell of paris circa the plague.

anyway...

here are some (crappy) photos of our trip..

hello? who's there?

your butt.

friday night we were invited to the rehearsal dinner which was at the napoleon house...

fun fact..

the napoleon house was supposedly intended to be a residence for napoleon after his exile.

not sure if this is entirely true but he apparently never made it cuz he, like, died.

in any case it is an amazing place.

it looks a lot like it did when it was built in the 1800's.

as in totally the same.

the walls inside are peeling away.

the outside is pretty ramshackle too.

and for this reason arguably one of the most beautiful buildings in new orleans.

i had a pimms cup inside and it. was. delicious.

upstairs at the napoleon house.

the view from the balcony at the napoleon house.

the next day was the wedding which was in a private residence.

the man who owned the house was kinda old and kinda kooky.

he had some odd things around the house..

starting with that solid brass ship propeller.

it was brass from top to bottom.

as in the propeller itself and that chunk of brass it's sitting on.

heated pool.

the cottonmouth kings played..

please enjoy my "special" dance..

high heels are assholes.

i met a cat.

i spent most of my time with him.

mandy and her daddy.

brides are the prettiest.

a beautiful old live oak..

when uploading this photo i noticed for the first time that there is a bead necklace hanging from one of the branches.

do you see it?

the next morning...(puke puddle morning)

we strolled the streets early...

met another cat.

they wash the streets and sidewalks every day in new orleans.

they must have missed the puke puddle though.

boots are a smart choice in new orleans.

we came across this artist down by the park and were like..duh..

bought one for fiona.

the cat eating the beignet.

the artist's name is cary chun lee and all he has is a facebook page.

the small cats were $65 and the large were $95.

we got a small...

(***updates as of 04/2013 the artist no longer offers these sizes at these price points)

go buy a few.

they are super adorbs.

also..

have you ever had a praline?

PEEONMYFACE!!!

mandy and lee had some as favors at their wedding and i want to get married again just so i can do this.

i may have taken more than my share mandy.

sorry.

fart on monday all the way.

today is my birthday let's eat brownies

Gabriela Eisenhart December 6, 2012

it really is my birthday today.

i am oldish.

not so old that i need adult diapers (maybe)

but not so young that i can wear bangs.

since today is my special day i pretend made us some brownies.

they are salted caramel brownies from pinterest.

i never want anything more than i want brownies when i see pictures of brownies.

i pretend made them in my pretend perfect kitchen..

gaze upon my neat shelves and amazing hardware

after we eat brownies for breakfast at my reg house lets all fly (my treat) to my pretend mountain house...

my pretend mountain house is fucking huge and laid back with sheepskins and 3,000 pillows.

we will get high and ski.

late at night we will watch youtube tutorials on cutting our own bangs.

(here's a good one)

after which we all look like this..

sounds like the perfect birthday!

thanks for all the bang styling tips yesterday.

i have been doing them and they don't work.

but thanks anyway....it's the thought that counts.

i still look like if pepper had sex with mama june , got pregnant and 17 months later had me.

i am signing off for a few days.

follow me on instadouche for wedding pictures and general stupidity.

look out new orleans, here come honey boo boo bangs!

i think my brain is frozen or maybe a part got cut out when my hair got a lobotomy

Gabriela Eisenhart December 4, 2012

i don't even know what to call these things on my forehead.

i know my husband looks at me with a slight smirk..like, i told you so.

and i hate him for that.

i was not happy with them from the first second she cut them (she cut them too short) but then she styled me all up and i thought...well....that's better.....not great, but i can live with it.

but then the first hair wash rolled around and as i stood in the mirror all i could see was this:

basically unless i blow them dry and get out the straightening iron i look like lloyd up there.

the problem with that scenario is i am a night time showerer.

i realize this is not a big deal in the scheme of life.

but i AM going to a wedding this weekend and it would be nice to look pretty and not like

pepper's best friend....

2 peez in a pod. derp.

speaking of pepper...

i have some sadness to share.

i am renouncing american horror story recaps.

i'm sorry. it's just too much.

writing a blog is supposed to be fun and joyous and when it comes to recaps there is nothing joyous or fun about them.

i dread them so hard.

they take days to do and i am not getting paid to do them so i can't justify the dread or the time lost that could be spent actually working and making money.

plus this time of year is busy times a million.

this decision didn't come easy.

i DO feel bad for those of you who come here strictly for AHS recaps..but it's just too time consuming.

that really is the bottom line.

plus, i am simultaneously writing season 3 downton recaps and i can't have overlapping recaps.

my brain is melting and in an ironic twist i might end up in a place very similar to briarcliff.

at the end of the day i had to choose between downton and AHS.

and downton won.

i really am sorry!!!

i am heading to new orleans on friday for a wedding.

regular programming will commence on monday.

and i will be announcing an awesome awesome giveway.