wake up everybody..it's that dick monday calling!

Gabriela Eisenhart July 11, 2011

i hope eveyone had a stellar weekend!

here are some thoughts i am having.

1. fiona is home with me all week which means nothing i plan to happen will fully happen.

2. my period about killed me yesterday.

3. it's so hot here that the inside of my air conditioned house feels like the inside of guy fieri's butthole.

4. i generally smell awful at all times (see #3)

5. this is weird and beautiful..

fiona: (knock knock) come outside mommy come outside mommy come outside mommy come outside mommy..

everyone else: we can see you!

6. i can't stop staring at this:

7. the turds are tonight.

recap coming tomorrow.

hopefully (see #1)

why?

i am on the hunt for wing chairs for my dining room like these..

i think i found them..

right?

10.

i leave for the beach next week so look out for butt updates and bathing suit tears (that's 'tears' as in eye water not 'tears' as in to my perineum when i gave birth)

let's just say that i do not look like this:

a little more like this:

this week will be slow going bc of my race to work out more and eat less.

plus i have 2 recaps to do this week.

you will all have to be satisfied with these things or i will punch you in the buttguts.

i love you all like a fat girl (me) loves everything (but herself).

verndetta...(so much better than a vengina- but still involving vaginas)

Gabriela Eisenhart July 9, 2011

this blog is about to get real-er..

the gloves are coming off this year..

as in i am going to draw my period all over everyone..

ladyfire,

composition (that's artist talk for where shit goes)

Gabriela Eisenhart July 8, 2011

lately i have had the urge to paint.

real paint on real canvas and stuff.

and to use words like gesso and underpainting.

i am conflicted by the douchey asshole in me that thinks they can paint

and the who gives a fuck awesome person in me that will do it anyway.

i know i have a little artist in me. (douche douche douche)

it's in the genes.

and..i have had some schooling on the subject..a wee bit.

but that just really doesn't matter.

i don't believe school necessarily makes you good at something

(unless we're talking medical school)

in fact i think a lot of the time it affects natural talent in a negative way.

(spoken like a true asshole)

so..

obviously

i am inspired by interior design.

the photos above, if you squint your eyes, LOOK like paintings.

it's the composition of the color and texture in them that i am inspired by.

not as easy as it may look to put together.

some examples of getting it right:

lot's of bloggers are turning into artists, some good...some...meeehhh..

what are your thoughts?

any artisty advice for me?

cheap paint sources?

i aim to share my art stuffs with you.

of course.

even if it sucks dick.

booger,

million dollar dum-dums recap

Gabriela Eisenhart July 6, 2011

frankly i'd rather talk about my ghost poops than recap this show.

why? bc this shit is about as exciting as watching that dick casey anthony go free.

btw ghost poops are a phenomenon where i take a poop, wipe, then stand to inspect the specimens in the toilet only to find an empty bowl. no trace of the poop to be found.

this is happening more and more frequently..

mysterious. and decidedly not awesome. it's like someone stealing your baby.

ok ok…i'm done.

where was i?

oh right.

no where.

rather than take you on a boring ass play by play journey of this dumb show i will try to nutshell this bitch up.

k'ire is navigating around her bedroom trying to pack for london where she will decorate the country home of her ex boyfriend..

weird.

jackleen is creeping around the house like she's hiding something..

k'ire gives jackleen a pair of leather pants.

i have given some (jealous) thought to what jackleen's day probs looks like:

cooks, drinks, eats, cooks, cleans up its mess, sits in the courtyard smoking cigarettes,

maybe it does a load of laundry, drinks, takes what it wants, reads a paper in french, smokes, eats, cooks something,

tries on kathryn's clothes and jewelry, smokes, eats, counts its scarves, drinks and cooks dinner for the family,

drinks and smokes some more and then passes out on the floor of its bedroom.

actually it sounds an awful lot like my real life day.

jeff is whining about the floors not being right for another restaurant.

total dick!!!

jeff sneaks behind ross's back and demos the floor right the fuck out of there.

then tries to sell the restaurant owner on 50k oak planks.

i'd like to say the owner punched him in the face, but i guess civilized people don't do that.

MLB shops in london for a one kings lane tastemaker tag sale.

which was today, acutally.

cool to see all the things he picked out in the shops on the OKL site.

also awesome to see rich people buying shit that is worth half or less than what they actually payed.

dumblarious.

mary and larry show up at "dru's" house..

here we are to believe that this dru person lives in this totally staged house with its totally staged furniture and the totally staged homeowner is in need of decorating and that mary is conflicted about taking a job from a crazy person just for the money..

well guess what...

this shit ain't real.

i have it on high authority (my street smarts) that dru is acutally an actor paid to tell you that she loves the way the carpet meets the floors and the ugly windows and that she wants a gym in the middle of her living room...