nice weather makes you do nice things

the last few days in georgia have been so fall-like that i almost went to the garage and got out my halloween decorations.

i straight up wore flannel pajamas to bed last night!

the 4 windows in my house that actually open are TOTALLY OPEN!!

just so happy about it!

 

in my state of euphoria i went in search of all the pretty pictures in the land..

 

(all apologies if your pinterest button bursts into flames- jk..not sorry haha)

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

images via canadian house and home, AD france, nuevo estilo, the selby, eye spy


tiny turds

well the turds decorate some fuckin garden sheds masquerading as garden sheds this week.

 

according to tanika this shit is the wave of the future..

or

"a hot new movement (bowel movement) of people living simply (with their dogs in a doghouse)"

 

why is this a thing?

are you all aware of this "movement"?

i was not aware of this movement.

i want no part of this movement.

this reeks of hipster patchouli.

 

i think having a garden shed in your backyard that you convert into an office or private retreat is great..

but to make it the place that you live full time says to me that you are living your life as a dickhead who probably wears old timey hats and pulls your jeans up to your ribs..

 

but whatever...

you still gotta git'er done.

 

as expected mark's boner grew 3 sizes that day when he walked into the shed made of wood..

 

once inside the tiny house the turds have 30 minutes to plan the space.

they are each given a "celebrity carpenter"..

 

here are the turds' reactions to the news..

 

tanika: you know him from hgtv...(no i don't)....it's chip waaaayne!"

meg: "annnnnnh hhhhhaaaannnnn....eat him!"

 

tanika: "you know her from hgtv..(no i don't)...carmendelalapaloooya"

mark: "i wish i had my hat on"

 

tanika: "you know him from hgtv..(really, i don't know him or any of them)...mark barkeloooou!!!"

karl: "my penis is tucked into my butt."

 

 

once they go over the plan with the carpenter they are off to shop.

 

karl is thinking ottomans for their versatility..

"hahahahaaa ha ha ha aaaa OTTOMANS!!!"

 

ottomans. versatile. 

 


meg is like so amazed by the awesome decorating power of a rake head turned into a thing that's not really a rake..

if you like this you need to punch yourself in the face.

 

 i'm...

 

shitting...

 

myyiy..

 

 pahnts!!!!

 

 

mark is buying belts..

 

 

 "get ready for my signature wall art made out of dumb things that no one likes.

 

and a new hat.."


 

more ridiculously time crunched scrambling ensues..

 

then the sweaty turds gather on the lawn..

for the 2nd part of the their 2 part camera challenge...

 

the walk through where

meg finally reveals her pregnancy..

 

time for judging.

 

 yaaaaaaaaay!!!!

big bird is back!!

she is using her sense of smell and taste instead of eye judging.

 

here's karl's doghouse...

nothing says creepy like karl standing next to a clock that reads 10:10...or just karl standing.

 

 

meg's..

 

mark's..

 

wh'uck??

 

for that split second when i imagine that i get to participate in the challenge, right before i punch myself in the vagina, 

what popped into my mind was that NY times article last year about the college student who

decorated the shit out of his dorm room..

 

 

stuff stuff stufffff!!

layers, rugs, textiles, furniture..

why do the turds always have to build shit?

no one in regular life is building shit.

 

nothing they ever do looks finished.

nevermind it looking good.

it just doesn't looked decorated.

i decorated my closet/clubhouse when i was 9 better than this and i had to work with blue carpet.

 

(i just high fived my cat) 

 

anyway..

mark got sent home for his dumb belts and stripes walls.

 

now everyone go and punch yourself in the left eye.

 

vacations are hard.

the ocean is overrated and kinda gay.

it's primarily something you look at and after a day my eyes are like, whatever ocean.

plus it's loud like a thousand lions roaring inside of a tiger's mouth.

 

and i'll be honest..

i don't go IN the water, except to my knees.

i am of the jaws generation and that shit runs deep.

so-

there's really only so much of this you can do..

before you find yourself back in your condo eating fudge and hummus while watching "family" shows like the big bang theory and the adventures of old christine or whatever it's called, in the middle of the afternoon.

 

some of you might say...

well jenny, that's when you give in, relax, chill out and become one with the big, gay ocean.

but then i say to you..

there is the cooking, and laundry and grocery store runs and homework to be done and swimming lessons and...all the things.

and that shit sounds way too much like regular life.

 

and why does everyone still wake up at 6:45 AM on vacation? (talking to you mom and dad)

that's regular life suckers!! 

 

i guess at the end of the day it's just important to leave your house for a few days?

maybe?

 

and then with all of that travel stress relaxing you find yourself back at home with a runny nose and scratchy throat. 

 

and a house that smells like a pet smart.

 

THANKS VACATION!

 

the upside is that i spent time with my family.

those people are mostly awesome.

 when they aren't up at 6:45 banging around or listening to the TV full blast volume like legit old people.

and 4 days of ocean gazing (gayzing) with a side of laundry and cooking is better than 0 days of ocean gazing (gayzing) with a side of laundry and cooking.
so i get that.
no one needs to tell me that at least i got to go on vacation.

 

and well, now that i am home and my kid is back in school i intend to take the next few days to recuperate from my vacation (side eye) and cold by reading blogs and watching missed TV. 

which includes the turds.

and an almighty recap for you!

 

you're welcome! bye!!

 

 

 

guest post finally- from a remote area of the pool.

i have missed you guys. 

i am sorry for the guest posting snafu.

got to the beach and our condo had no wifi so we had to investigate areas for free connection.

and it just so happens to be by the pool, near the hot tub and a lot of loose, brown skin and wide, flat butts.

 

anyway..our weather has been awesome.

not a lot of people here and the fudge is as good as i remember. 

we leave tomorrow and from what i hear some nasty weather awaits us in atlanta.

i would appreciate any info you locals have on this matter..

 

ok then.

 

my guest poster is none other than my best girl mollsballs aka molly.

she has a blog too and you should read it bc she is funny and cute and does a lot of things for you to enjoy and copy.

 

 

 

 fudge. 

 

 

hola, mfamb’ers!

your girl mollsballs here, standing in for our lovely jenny as she stuffs her mug with delicious fudge and lays in the sun all week (under her umbrella, duh).

when jenny asked me to guest post, i was not only super excited and appreciative of the opportunity,

but also incredibly nervous.

i struggled with the need to balance my chance to mainline the awesome, with equally awesome content for you, stylish readers.

but then i saw this:

 

i know, right?

 

gorgeous.

 

its claude wasserstein’s penthouse apartment in nyc.

who, you ask?

the french widow of the late bruce wasserstein,

legendary new york financier.

she also happens to have quite the pedigree and impressive resume herself; formerly a cbs news producer, she

now owns susie’s supper club in nyc, selling healthy, family-friendly frozen meals to much success.

clearly.

 


obviously the lifestyle is paid for by the fortune she amassed by marrying this guy:

 


smart girl.

 

he passed away in october of 2009 at the young age of 61, but according to forbes magazine, had a reported net worth of $2.3 billion.

yes as in dollars. $2.3 billion dollars.

so she’s cool, financially-speaking.

obviously.

 



and, according to the fabulous plum sykes,

who wrote the article for vogue featuring the fabulous photos you see here by francois halard,

she's pretty cool all around.

she has six children, one of whom she and bruce adopted after bruce's sister, the pulitzer prize-winning playwright wendy wasserstein, passed away at 53.

writes sykes; "she's the type who, when her kids say, 'can we please go and see the viking mounds in sweden?,' will say, 'sure.'"

 

wouldn't you, if you had a couple billion between the states and offshore accounts somewhere?

i sure as hell would.

she also serves on various charitable boards in addition to her

responsiblities as owner of susie's supper club;

this gal has got her hands full.

 

i wouldn't worry about her, though.

i mean, this is where she eats breakfast:

 

i'm pretty sure that anyone who uses a suzani as tablecloth

is ok in our book, no?

and dude.

check out that sick view.

positively brilliant.

 

 this is lucy's room.

as in, eleven year old lucy.

oh, how i would have killed for a room like this when i was eleven!

 

my 11 year old room looked more like this:

 

preeeeeety.

(dry heaving and crying in shame. i want a canopy bed draped in hungy palate's

gorgeous "garden" pattern!)

 

 

here is 12 year old jack's room:

 

he's got an exotic fishtank, a globe on a lucite stand, 

french doors to the terrace,  and some supercool chrome letter stools at the foot of his bed.

 

that is the example of how to use letters properly in decorating a child's space.

 

here is what not to do:

 

 

you know who doesn't have tacky decor?

claude wasserstein.

 

 

her rooftop garden, sporting incredible 360degree views, also boasts artificial ground cover, oversized boxes of

pink foxglove, snapdragons, lavender and mint,  river birch trees in enormous planters, gorgeous climbing

roses, and plentiful vegetable garden just off the kitchen.

 

i know!

 

so maybe we can't all live life a la wasserstein...

but i for one, definitely plan on planting an herb garden this weekend.

just off the kitchen, of course.

xo

 

 

 

 

thanks molly.  

see you all monday or tuesday.