back to blogging about pretty things..

my audition went well.

i was in and out and was given "that was a lovely read" in reward for no less than 6 poops pre-audition.

these things are often so strange.

i have been in many auditions and they are all totally different.

this one was quiet and subdued.

no direction.

just read it and you're done.

i'm not complaining.

it is what it is.

it was a good read.

it could have been better.

it ALWAYS could be better.

it's frightfully hard to play a part not knowing the outcome of your character in under a minute.

and you don't know what they want and you try hard to ignore that little voice in your head that just wants to WIN! and instead just experience it and BE the person you believe she should be and not give a shit about what anyone else wants...i spend a good deal of time breaking down the character and i think i am good at it.

but at the end of the day it SO DOES NOT MATTER!

at least not in the audition.

and then there are the nerves..

i can get up in front of hundreds of people and show my ass and not think twice about it but something about the audition process kills my soul...

 

for those of you who don't know what it's like to audition i would equate it to something like a K hole..


the state of mind caused by taking large amounts of ketamine. the user becomes trapped in state of detatchment from their physical presence; the user can think about moving their arm, and will then see an arm moving in front of them, but the link between the thought and the moving arm does not register.

sort of like that.

it's not my favorite part of acting but it's part of it none the less.

should anything come of it you will surely be the first to know.


moving on..
let's look at some sick houses featured in the latest vogue living australia...

fun times

about once a year i get a call for an audition (i get auditions more than once a year, duh, but not of this caliber)

where the stakes are like, RIDICULOUSLY HIGH.

and i've been doing this for a long time so... 

a. i am grateful that i get auditions of this caliber bc even people in LA with good agents don't get auditions of this caliber.

and

b. the parts are always big enough that 300% of the time there are bigger name actresses who would KILL to play the role and someone with my resume would most likely lose out to the elizabeth banks's and the entire female cast of game of thrones.

 

 i know what some of you are thinking.

"for the love of oprah! don't think that way jenny...blah blah blah.."

but anyone out there who is in this business (speak up those of you) will tell you that it goes beyond just being talented enough.  there are so many politics involved that often times even the director has very little say in the casting.

 

we hard working nobodies are losing roles all the time to bigger names.

even A list movie stars are taking smaller roles these days..

it's just a fact and i am ok with it.

no...i am not ok with it but i have learned to accept it as part of the job.

so i go in and i give the best audition i can and then i say to myself that i would be the luckiest mother fucker in the world if i got the part and then i move on and forget about it and go back to blogging about design and eating entire bags of potato chips .

and you all will do the same.

 

all that to say that i am still SO EXCITED AND NERVOUS!!!

 

ok so i got an email from my agents on monday for a film audition..

i noticed that it's being directed by atom egoyan (awesome he is amazing. educate yourself).

and then i noticed he will be in the room.

not scary at all. (so scary)

think being on an airplane and running off bc you are afraid and multiply that by a million.

it's exhilarating though and i actually love this kind of fear.

go figure.

 

 

so i am reading the sides (my part in the script) and it's really good.

the part is that of a waitress, pretty and sweet.

who obvioulsy has a thing for the lead guy.

he is older than she, but not by much...

anyway..

the story itself is about the west memphis 3.

a group of teens charged with murdering some boys.

so this lead guy is defending the alleged murderers and i think (hard to know without reading the whole script) he feels turmoil about it and this waitress who has come to know him bc he comes into the restaurant every day has been following the story and she sort of feels for him and falls in love with him.

he is oblivious to her feelings bc she is shy about it but in this scene she makes a move.

it's subtle and endearing and she would pretty much do anything for him.

he finally takes notice and they share a very intimate moment.

there are fingers in hair ya'll.

mine in his.

meow mix.

it's SUCH a great scene.

 

 

ok so at this point i'm like...who has signed on to this project?

specifically the actor in this scene..

 

i go to imdb to check..

and it's fucking colin firth.

 

colin.

firth.

 

yeah.

wrap your head around that for a second.

 

dead.

diarrhea.

vomcano.

mr. darcy.

vomrrhea.

 

so yeah..

stakes. rasied.

 

 

i am off to study my lines and put on my adult diaper.

 

i'll report back tomorrow.

 

let's hope i don't do this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

new art y'all!

 

18 x 18 monsters at the opera

SOLD

 

 

 

 

36 x 36 westwood

 

 

 

36 x 36 summer in skye

SOLD

 

have at 'em..

 

 

an awesome and terrifying thing is happening tomorrow.

i will fill you in after i go buy some adult diapers.

 

 

 

 

this house

 

yes.

 

 

if you have the latest issue of house beautiful and you haven't read this article..

 

you should.

 

 

 

she (podge bune) made the fireplace herself.

and repurposed a lot of shit in here.

for instance curtains to upholstery fabric...

 

 

and DIY chairs.

 

 

also white floors.

yes.

forever yes.

 

 

 

monday licks,

 

 

 

good thing vanilla ice was there.

 

V.I. surely furnished his whole house at home depot.

 

fact #1: i did not watch this episode.

fact #2: i don't need to because i have eyes.

 

as i was gathering the images for this post i honestly was like.."dear god help me to understand why these people have such a hard time with this white box challenge".

then i started to notice that the turds were in a home depot like store filling their baskets with home depot like goods.

 

ohhhh...i get it.

 

they had to design the white boxes using shit entirely from home depot.

 that would suck massive amounts of ding dong.

and then i started to look at the heinously decorated box-rooms with a more sympathetic heart..

 

i don't spend an awful lot of time in home depot but i do know that there is a lot of this:

 

 

i know there are lights and sinks and rugs and maybe even pillows...

but mostly it's hardware and builder shit.

you know it.

i know it.

and vern knows it.

 

so yes this was a challenge.

but again..

a challenge that no one in real life EVER will have to face.

which makes it totally stupid.

 

is it so wrong to ask that you provide us with a show where people get to decorate a room using things that are pretty?

it's hard enough to decorate a room that way..

there are plenty of real life challenges to face when decorating a room.

why must we see what someone does with dirt and rope?

 

so i have sympathy this week for the turds.

because i have no idea what i would do.

 

 

here's what i DO know..

this is a box.

no windows.

no architecture.

no interest.

 

in my mind you need to add all of those elements.

and you need to fill. it. up.

 

 

 

i will save you the boredom of the boring rooms that didn't win or lose but still sucked.

and get on to the best and the worst.

 

best:

oh it's heinous.

don't get me wrong.

but she filled it up.

and she filled it up with pattern which detracts from the boxiness.

and she filled it up with plants.

and her art is good.

 

 

this is honestly so fucking terrible that it's awesome.

again, i didn't actually watch this episode or even the usual last 20 minutes..

so this guy could have totally been serious and arty and full of himself..

which would make him the ultimate douchebag.

but if he is taking a piss here..i LOVE HIM FOR IT.

it's almost like he said "choke on my bitterness vern!"

 

 

the worst:

he oughta be beaten for the placement of that rug alone.

 

what the shit?

 

and he added that floor?!???

 

i don't know who went home but i hope it was this guy.

 

 

 

nasty.

in every sense of the word.

it looks like it smells like stripper sweat.

and i think i see some cocaine on the floor.

 

 

 

looking through all of the rooms there wasn't anything that i was like...oohh...i'd do that.

there never is really. 

but i get that that's not the point.

i GET that you (hgtv) are trying to find a star.

someone who can create something out of nothing, someone who has a personality and can make do with what's on hand if pressed.

and i GET that challenges like this help you to weed out the truly terrible with the truly creative.

but it's bc of this that i don't need to watch this show.

i can gather all the info i need from the last 20 minutes or photos on the website.

 

if i were in charge here i would do like they did on top design..

i would have little pre- challenge challenges where the contestants had to be creative on the spot.

this is where you do your home depot shit.

then whoever did the best would get immunity.

and then you could have them do the real challenge which could be oh, i don't know..ummm..

decorate a room on a small budget?

isn't that enough of a challenge?

 

 

someone please bring back top design.

 

newell?

you might need to head this up.

 

who's with me?

newell. newell. newell!

 

 i am offering my services as guest judge.